My mil has ALS and is getting worse and my fll has mobility issues. They live with my brother and sister n law who do nothing to help take care of them. I work and try to help out as much as I can. I take them to their appointments. I clean their house. I try to cook for them on the weekends, as I have my own family and house to take care of. I am beginning to think they need extra help. They don't like to throw anything away and I've been wanting to help her clean her bedroom but she won't have any part of it. He is stubborn and refuses to use his walker when out in public, only uses his cane. We are in the middle of buying a house and have let them know we want them to move in with us so we can take care of them. However, they own half the house with the other brother in law and don't want to leave. My fil is realizing they need the extra help as mil is having trouble cooking for themselves. I don't want to wait for something bad to happen before anything changes. I'm not really sure how to proceed to get them the help they need untill we can get our own house.(we rent). Can't have them move in here now. But they are stubborn and are in denial that they even need help. He is 86 and she is 82. They are not in poverty status but don't like to spend money. Sometimes they give me some cash for cleaning and cooking but not consistent. He just says when its time they will go in assisting living. They have no idea how that will and their house is paid for no big bills. I just don't know how to give him a reality check on how things are or what they can expect. I don't helping them, but we're struggling financially and I need to work too. Just could use some advice.
Moving them both in with you may sound good but you can't know what caring for 2 people at the same time is like. Caring for 1 person can break a caregiver much less caring for 2. Especially with no help. I would think very long and hard about this.
I don't think your in-laws would be candidates for assisted living. In AL the residents have to be mobile. A walker is OK. Is your MIL mobile? And AL is just a stepping stone to a NH. You may get everything packed up and arranged and moved and then have to do it all again in a month if your FIL takes a tumble and injures himself. AL may not accept them if they need this much help.
Advice? Don't move the in-laws in with you. Have a family meeting to begin discussions on what to do for them. Don't include them in your family meeting just yet. The meeting will help everyone figure out who's willing to do what and when and what everyone needs in order to take the in-laws on. Home health aides? More family members pitching in? Alternative living arrangements for them?
Also remember that at their age they are going to decline steadily. Anyone who becomes responsible for caring for the both of them at the same time will have an almost impossible task ahead of them.