My dh gave my dad who has LBD money this week. I have asked him time and time again not to. Dad wants to go home so asks for money to take the bus. Of course he misplaces the money or it gets stolen and then he gets aggressive and violent at the thought he was robbed. This leads to over medicating with seroquel or god forbid Haldol. It is hard enought to stay on top of visits and his meds to keep him comfortable and now I am waiting for a phone call to say that dad has lost his money and needs to be sedated..bound to happen. I have Dad in one home and Mom in another home with alz. I am at my wit's end trying to make people understand how stressful this is. Have any others had this experience and how and if has it been resolved. And yes, the thought of committing my DH to a third nursing home has crossed my mind. i'm very discouraged and saddened. I'm also exhausted from trying to prevent blow ups at the home.
thank you.
I do thank you very much for the suggestion of business cards. That could be a very good solution. Dad always had business cards for work and he may like the idea of just handing out his card and telling whomever to call that number and they will take care of the bill. I'm sure staff is used to accepting this and it may make him feel independant while not risking theft and the fallout. It is so important to maintain their dignity and I know how hard it must be to always be the recipient of treats and not be able to tip or treat in a generation who had the finanacial means and the habit of doing so. Thank you again Carol and all of you for your suggestions. I feel much better,
TC
Is there a way you can get both of your folks in the same facility? I had my mom in independent living and my dad in skilled nursing in the same facility for 3 months and it ran me ragged. I can't imagine having people in two separate facilities. A big hug to you for all you're dealing with. You have to have the patience of Job to keep it all together.
My solution to my dad's wanting money came down to me making him "business cards" to keep in his pocket. A lot of experimentation went into this including giving him money (not good), giving him an expired credit card and other things I don't even remember. But the business cards helped. He gave them out to anyone he thought he should pay. This won't work for everyone, but it's worth a try.
Haldol. Hmmm. My memories of when they tried that after my dad's brain surgery still bring anger when I allow it. It made him paranoid and frightened. For him, it was an awful drug. I hope some solution can help you with this for your sake as much as for his.
Take care,
Carol