My 91 year old mother-in-law came to live with us a few months ago. She had been living in another state with her daughter for about half a year, but had not been well taken care of. She has 2 other children (one is retired professional person and the other a physician) who live in other states and who want nothing to do with her either physically or monetarily. She requires oxygen and has has some ailments, (COPD, emphysema, atrial fibrillation, hypertension, depression, GERD, hyperlipidemia) and her short term memory is just about completely gone and I also suspect that there is some beginning dementia. She cannot be left alone because she would attempt to do things that she cannot do by herself and that would be unsafe (bathing, cooking, walking around unsupervised, taking her meds, etc...) She is a good natured pleasant person, but she is very needy. I find myself getting very irritated by her and although I don't show it to her, I end up taking it out on my husband and son and am feeling stressed out. We bring her breakfast and lunch in her room and she has dinner with us and I find myself dreading dinnertime listening to her repeat the same thing over and over again and making little or no sense. When you spend just a short time with her, she appears to be more competent than she really is, and although we visited her several times a year when she was living in another state, we did not realize the extent of her needs before we volunteered to take her in with us, although it really would not have made a difference because her other children want nothing to do with her. I work out of my home, so it is difficult to get away for any length of time. We have tried senior day care, but most of the time she doesn't want to go and getting her prepared and ready and getting her on the bus (our town has a door to door senior transportation system) takes a lot of time and hardly seems worth it given the extra time and money involved. I believe her needs place her somewhere between an assisted living facility with extra help and a nursing home, but she is not yet ready for a nursing home and that she would suffer emotionally if she were in a nursing home (and we would feel extremely guilty!) She has very little income, just her social security ($1000/month) and we cannot afford to pay for a nice assisted living facility for her where I think she would do well because she is a social person. My mother lived with us for several years before she passed away 2 years ago and although she was difficult a lot of the time, she was much more alert and oriented and less needy until her final illness and I had respite from my family members so even though it was tough at times I did not feel as irritated and stressed as I do now. I am having a hard time understanding my feelings because as I mentioned before, my mother-in-law is a very pleasant person, she does not complain, and is appreciative of all that we do for her.
