What about getting fired due to calling out because the caregiver cant come? When my husband and I moved out of the city and up to the high desert area, it was to care for his mother, his father had just passed away. We live about 50 to 60 miles from Downtown. All was good, we both got jobs at the local casinos. Casinos can be a blessing and a curse. They are open 24 hours so shift work is the way things go. I used to work full time, but when Mom came to live with us she was not well. She had just had small strokes and could not live alone. I was exhausted most of the time caring for her and working so I cut my hours down to 3 days a week. I found a lady in the area ( L ) and she became my first caregiver so I could go to work. She was with us for a year before she found another job that had Health Insurance. Then I needed another caregiver, I found ( A ). She is my current helper. She is older that my first helper, and she does not have great health. She has gone to the hospital by ambulance 3 times in the past year. She is in the hospital again right now. Also, she is religious and cant work on Thursdays and Sundays. That doesn't help me when I can and do work those days.
I contacted an Agency for In Home Care. There is one lady ( S )that can work for me, is close to my area, except that she has other agencies that she works for and other clients too. Now, let me explain that since I am part time I no longer have a set schedule. I can work the morning shift one day and swing (6pm to 2;30am) the next. I called the agency with my new schedule on Monday and they called this worker to see if she was available for Friday and Saturday. She said yes, but then today the agency called and said that she is not able to work those days for me. I am getting frustrated again because I don't know from one week to the next if I can work or not. Also, for the Holidays the rate is time and a half. So that means $30 plus an hour.
My husband works the graves shift and sleeps during the day, then goes to work. This means for mom that she will be alone from 10pm until 2 or 3 AM when I get home. My husband will feed her dinner, help her to bed, give her meds. She has Dementia but does not wander. She hardly gets up except to use the bathroom. I don't want to leave her alone, but its only 3 days or nights. I hope things will go ok.
I did some calling on Residential Home Care. Boy are they expensive. I talked to a really helpful lady about her home and was about to set up a tour when I realized that I hadn't asked her price. She said $4500 a month. I bout fell off my chair! One home that I did visit was a fairly decent home, run by a family and they wanted $3000 a month for a private room. That is way toooo much for Moms budget. So I guess Im venting, but what are other people experiencing while caring for their parents?
Same with investments, some times it can take years for a *safe* investment to produce a sizeable profit.... time isn't on the side of our elders.
My advice is this, help your aging parents prepare for their future by introducing them to different insurance products, investments and savings plans that can help them cover their care expenses. This is much better rather than completely giving up your career in order to become an informal caregiving to your aging parents.
While I don't think the OP should quit her job, her and her husband should look into opposite shifts at the casino, and if they have two part timers coming in(that are reliable not religious nuts who can't work certain days like the OP has) that would be the best solution.
And what if one's parents didn't save for their old age, and you had to use some your own retirement fund to keep your parents afloat. What would that leave for yourself? Or would your children be doing a replay of history with you? Quitting their jobs, uprooting the family, etc.
If you can make it work, great :) But if one reads all the *should I quit my job* forums [there are many here], you will see that 9 times out of 10 it doesn't work.
What has been interesting for me in going through for my mom in the mice maze that is eldercare, is very little is out there for caregiver support. There are all sorts of elder programs - meals on wheels, elder day out, visiting nurses, etc - but very little for family & friends who caregive. This is why this forum is so terrific.
Happy thanksgiving all! Pie shells are cooling & calling me.
When my parents were my age, they were in their 4th year of a fantastic retirement that has gone on for 25 years of being busy with travel, dining out, movies, sight seeing, hiking, bouncing from resort to resort, stock holder meetings, a lot of hobbies, etc. Me, zero retirement and by the time I have no elder responsibility, I will be too old to have the same type of fun. The stress is slowly killing me :(
Thank goodness I have my career which I really enjoy getting up and going to the office.
Look up what you would earn in social security at this point, remember you also have to pay for insurance out of that amount. Women earn less, and therefore have lower social security monthly amounts. I am lucky and have a second retirement plan, otherwise I would be in a world of hurt.
Now look at your mother's options. It could be that if she has very little income, she would qualify for medicaid/state insurance which covers nursing home care.
I thought I would be doing this for 1-2 years, it is now 3. The doctor says Dad could go on like this for years. His body keeps on "ticking", yet his brain is going faster.
It is not selfish to take care of yourself first. Time is short for you, have you done everything you wanted to do?
Also you never should have put up with Caregiver A, that is complete nonsense about no Thurs/Sun due to her religion. If someone can't accommodate the hours you need than you don't hire them, end of story. Add in all the health issues you mentioned, it sounds like you need a caregiver for the paid caregiver.
You hire people who can work the hours needed.
Now, if we could get all corporations/businesses on board, that would be helpful.
Out of the blue I developed a serious illness that required major surgery and I was glad I had FMLA because *I* needed it, which helped guarantee that my job would still be there once I got back.
My job was still there but three months later that position was eliminated because my work had been divided upon other Staff and headquarters decided that position was no longer needed :(
I've read on these forums of caregivers trying to work from home, but eventually it become quite stressful. You can't put a client on-hold or be in the middle of a conference call when Mom or Dad is calling for your attention or in the background you hear them fall or dropping something.
1 1/2 years to be vested in my pension, which consequently I lost. It is coming back to bite me big time now. But at the time it was very special for me to be with both my parents who live across the state. My dad passed in August and now my mom is terribly lonely and I am still driving there for lengthy visits. In retrospect I should have at least considered the Family Medical leave option.
Also, is there any way you and your husband can take shifts that do not overlap? You both would be able to work full time then.
I was once a well-paid, well-respected, influential professional. Now I feel, and do now that, I am outdated and not seen as useful to any employer.
Leaving my job and my to see after my parents has taken a heavy toll on my finances, social life, health and happiness. It was the biggest mistake I ever made after a lifetime of being cautious about every other move I ever made in life. Now I am near the official retirement age and far from the top of the game I once commanded. My personal savings have been depleted all the while I was not contributing to Social Security. I see a bleak future ahead.
I would tell anyone who has a job--never leave it to take care of your parents. It is too much to ask. This is a devastating move from which you may never recover. Parents who truly love their children should make plans for their own care while they are able to do so. After all, your parents are the ones who called your spirit to this mortal plane--you did not call them.
Not all of us can be Caregivers. Just like not all of us can be Court Judges, firefighters, Astronauts, or work construction. I know if I went into a caregiving agency and ask for a job, I wouldn't be hired. I am not qualified. I will stick to my career and if my parents need hands-on help I will have them hire certified professional workers who know actually what to do.
Plus, when we were born, did any of our parents think *I can't wait for Suzie or Brad to grow up and be a full-time caregiver for us*.