Ok, so I think I told you guys that I'm from Indiana but am working as a live in caretaker in NY. Before, I cared for my grandma for 10 years. The house and property was originally willed to me. Since I've been here, I've been paying her taxes, giving her $500+ per month for the bills. Even up to the day before she died she was anxious for my patient to pass so I could go home. I just found out that she changed her will in March leaving everything to my mom and brother (both drug addicts). I was obviously shocked but I know that they were probably wearing her down. I'm less upset about the way it is and more upset that she didn't tell me and kept taking my money instead of letting me keep it since she knew I was going to be homeless. I'm trying to make peace for myself but dang, that's crazy. Anyway, the more pressing issue is that I'm on her checking account and I'm so scared of them overdrawing it and the auto pays attached. I can't communicate with them and I'm not sure what the bank can do. I tried logging into the auto accounts but the pw and recovery emails are changed. I can't afford to be liable and I now need all my money and can't afford to be paying lawyers. Any advice or links? I tried research but only see info about the money left being mine. I don't care about that, I just don't want to owe if they do shady stuff. It is so sordid. My grandma is stuck in the funeral home bc none of her kids (including the benefactor) will contribute to the funeral. If she only knew how much of a nightmare she caused.
Does the bank not have branches in NY? If not, first I would call and talk to the bank manager and let them know what's going on and then ask for their fax # so you can fax them something in writing stating your concerns. Then follow advice for removing your name off the acct. Tell them you have not written a check in X months, someone changed your password, etc.
My understanding was that until the will goes through the court process (probate?) that money is still your grandma's. If you are saying that the acct was a joint acct (not just that you had signing privilege but that you that it was held jointly with full rights of survivorship, that money should be yours. If your grandma wanted them to have her share she would need to write that in her will, I believe, and then it should only be part, not the total.) If it is an amount of money that would help you, don't give up too easily.
Also unless you see your grandma's will, do not believe what your family is telling you. What should happen if you are not included in the will is that you will receive a document asking for you to sign and accept the terms of the will and will not object as a next of kin. I would not sign that till you are absolutely sure; I know you don't want drama and that is a valid pov but at the same time, when you get through some of the grieving process, you might feel differently.
I am so very sorry about your grandma and also very sorry that your brother and mom are addicted. I really do not understand how people manage to be so conniving when they seem to be unable to manage their normal affairs. I know it must be very painful to you on several levels. Good luck with this.
First thought - so contest it! At least then you'd get a dollar!
Seriously. I admire and applaud your rejection of angry feelings towards your grandmother. But are you not angry for her? At first sight it looks as though your mother and brother, under the influence no doubt, really pulled a number on her; and dimly recalling what the household was like I don't like to imagine what that involved.
Back to practicalities - call the bank and ask their advice. Don't get fobbed off by a know-nothing clerk, either - persist until you get hold of someone with experience of deceased persons' accounts, and make sure you explain that that's what you're facing.
I'd have thought you should be in the clear as regards future liabilities. All of the payments you were routinely making were solely and exclusively for the benefit of your grandmother. She is now done, and so are you. Hugs to you, please keep posting x
It is hard to understand why your grandmother didn't tell you what had happened. My first thought is that she was conned, and maybe suspicious that she'd been tricked into doing something stupid but not sure or too embarrassed to speak up.
Or she might have been afraid to tell you, for all kinds of reasons. Because you'd be angry. Because they told her you'd be angry, so she mustn't tell you..? Because she didn't know where else she'd find the money, and wouldn't have expected you to go on paying?
None of these excuses her. But she was old, tired and maybe a bit frightened. Too hard for her to fight, perhaps.
But yes she did you wrong, even though I doubt she was the chief culprit. Hugs x
If your on it only as a POA, then there's nothing you can do I'm afraid. POA died with your grandma. Hope it's joint!
I did see the will. The both of them called me on a conference call to ask me where I planned on staying for the funeral. I just said huh? Then they both started LAUGHING and my brother said "it's my house now b$765, should have got home faster" and my mom said "guess things don't always go your way do they?" I kept cool and just said can you send me proof bc I have a transfer on death deed that gma said I was supposed to file so I'm confused. Anyway, he sent me a scanned copy dated March 8, along with more taunting. it's a legal will and that's that. No point in fighting it cuz less than 1% win and the APS findings are actually helpful to them re undue influence and competency.
There's no probate for the house bc of the transfer on death papers. All of that is moot though I'm very hurt that she was taking my money under false pretenses. For example, since she changed the will, I paid for the new roof, hot water heater and washing machine. Each time, she told me to choose what I think bc I'm the one who is going to be stuck with it. I can't legally ask for it bc I didn't say it was a loan or contingent on getting the house but I still find it cruel. The worst part is that she was the only person I trusted and thought had my back. She really broke my soul. She could have told me instead of letting people LAUGH at me. I feel like garbage.
I don't know if this is any consolation, but even if your grandma wasn't demented, it really seems like the very elderly have a hard time standing up to those around them. They will give their caregiver or closest family a run for their money, but then have a really hard time saying 'no' to those in the next ring out. Maybe they have a difficult time sorting out info and making good judgement calls about where people's interests lie. I just wonder if your grandma was having a hard time on some level and wasn't a match for your brother and mom?
Anyhow I am really sorry this happened to you. And I sincerely hope your brother and mom can find a way out of their addiction.
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