My grandparents can barely walk with walkers, they're in constant pain, they have a ton of family members breathing down their necks telling them what they should do but at least we got my grandmother on anti anxiety meds (that only helps so much). Everyone is wearing themselves out helping my grandparents but it just angers them. We can't even convince them to let someone meet with them for an hour just to discuss the idea of getting some profession in home care. Before I was supportive of everyone helping but I've changed my attitude. Now I feel my grandparents (and everyone for that matter) are so stressed and upset that everyone needs to just back off. Will one of them end up in the ER or worse--yes. Will their lives be easier if they had prof. help--yes. Will they accept help--NO a hundred times over. I feel they need love in the form of good conversation and distraction from the topics of health and death. What is the right thing to do? Force them to get help when they're already furious or back off? The entire, huge extended family is miserable at this point. How can we help my grandparents move on gracefully? (they don't qualify for hospice just yet but they did come by one day)
I also agree that if they aren't too resistant to wearing personal alarms to call for help that would be a step forward. Because of all the pushing in the past, they may even refuse this for awhile, but in the future you could gently mention that this form of help is non-intrusive and possible so that you'll set it up if they decide they want it. To me the magic words are "they decide."
I know it's hard to watch this and not try to fix it, but human dignity and the ability to decide for oneself is important. Good luck to you all,
Carol
Making the house as safe as possible - although I agree it is desirable, of course - is a much thornier issue. I'm guessing that sweeping into their home and meddling with their possessions is exactly the kind of thing that makes them see red and chase everyone away, brandishing their walking sticks and yelling "and don't come back!" Tread extremely carefully. It's their house, their lives, not yours.
Make sure each of your grandparents knows who to call if he or she has a change of heart, or if there is an actual emergency - this could be either a social worker, or ONE agreed-upon family member who is available most of the time. Ideally arrange for the number and name to be prominently displayed near the phone.
Gosh, I hope your large family is also the type that can agree on one spokesman? Fingers crossed.
Instead try to think of ways to help them maintain their independence, without criticizing or inferring they can't take care of themselves.
It's hard to recognize that our brains and bodies are declining - it can be a denial situation until something happens and they become so scared they reach out.