My dad recently passed and left my mother after 58 years of marriage. She is so needy, can't remember anything, frustrated with technology, and gives us the "I'm so sorry I am a burden". Is this normal? My sister and I have been full-on for the last two years because of my father and Alzheimer's and was in a memory care placement through COVID. My sister and I are trying to regain our lives. Is this normal, to feel Grrrrr about her?
My husband passed a few months ago. As a young woman and former full-time caregiver, I can understand both you and your mother. The toll of years of caring for someone and then the wide range of feelings of grief when they’re gone (sadness, relief, feeling alone, etc) can make for a tense family situation. It feels like my stress tolerance is very low these days, and I have to try hard not to get frustrated or overwhelmed. My energy and ability to handle normal tasks is just not normal yet.
I am very fortunate because a friend knew better than I did that I would need extra support as a widow. She is staying the in-law suite, and we spend afternoons and evenings together every day. Her presence and reassurance helps so much. She is reminding me of things about myself to be proud of and helping me laugh. She makes dinners most days, and we have made tremendous progress on long-neglected tasks, like the backyard.
I understand you’re ready to move on, and your Mom’s neediness is frustrating. But, your Mom does need extra patience, love and support.
Maybe she would benefit from an assisted living situation where she can be around others her age and those who can care for her so you can take a break. Just a suggestion. I don’t know if that would be appropriate for your situation. Hopefully other will have suggestions.
best wishes
My mom always hated being a burden on family too.
It’s an adjustment for everyone when a loved one dies.
So sorry for the loss of your dad.
You don't say how long it's been since your dad died, but I don't think it's completely realistic to expect your life to return to normal when you still have your mom around. Everything has changed forever for all of you, and that's what happens in life -- things change. You adapt, you go on, but you don't expect things to go back to the way they were. Same goes for Mom, so be a little more supportive if you can.