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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mother has not been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but because of her Borderline Personality Disorder, I've had to deal with raging for years. Recently she was scheduled for an outpatient procedure and from the minute I picked her up, I could see she was loaded for bear! She started in with "if you were any kind of a daughter, you would have stayed with me last night and set the alarm for me". She is in an assisted living, and there were many people she could have asked to help her with this, but when she's stressed, everything is my fault. When we got to the hospital, she got out of the car, swore at me, and then once inside decided she was not going to have the procedure. Here's where I went off the tracks. I should have just said, "ok, if that's what you want", and taken her home. Instead, I engaged with her, telling her that the doctor felt it was the right thing to do, etc. JUST WHAT SHE WANTED!!! It is amazing that she seems to delight in arguing, and since I'm the only one around, if I'm not being wise enough to side step her baiting, it never goes well. (long boring details here, which I'll skip). Finally took her home after she spoke with the doctor, and had not spoken to her since. When she is being this unreasonable, ranting and raving, the best thing for me is to stay away. That was 9/24. Yesterday she called and asked if I'd take her for her flu shot Friday, just like nothing ever happened.
I resent the fact that I have to take her abuse, but find the less I correct her, contradict her, etc. the easier my life is. So I keep the anger under control. She has always been this way, but is worse now that she's older. I still struggle with acceptance--everyone wants to have the mother, who's a sweet old lady, not a raving maniac.
She called the other day 10/01 and left a message that she had told off the gal in admissions and wasn't going to take her shit any more, etc. and now they were going to throw her out. This has happened before and I got all upset. This time I thought well, if they are going to throw her out, someone will call me, so I just didn't respond. My life is so much better if I can stay in a frame of mind which allows me to detach from her drama. So, it's possible to have to deal with the rants, raving and rage even without Alz. Disease, and a constant challenge for all of us.
You mimic them. No, just kidding. You pray, tell them you love them, and that you'll be back later when they calm down. It's important to walk away and not engage with them unless you want to add fuel to the fire.
a horse tranquilizer should do it. lol. just kidding. They need a psych eval if they keep doing this. You can't have them running around ranting and raving. They can have accidents or worse attack you. My dad has to be subdued or he will scare the nurses. I tell them to use a horse tranquilizer as a joke to lighten the mood :). I swear, it isn't right to be abusive, I don't care what age you are. Nor just because you have an illness. You parent probably would be upset with themselves if they were doing that (unless they were like that before). Anyway, some effective psych meds can make all the difference between insanity and sanity. They have ways to calm people down and I don't hesitate to tell them to use them for my dad. good luck.
The Alzheimer Assoc. teaches that all behavior is an attempt to communicate. It is important to remember that your parent cannot tell you what is wrong anymore. Her acting out may be her attempt to tell you that something is wrong. I work in Memory Care, and that is what we do when one of our residents expresses themself this way. We look to see what might be causing it - are they hungry? thirsty? sitting in soiled underwear? cold? too hot? feeling alone? afraid? out of control?
We try everything we can think of, record the results over time, and spread the word if we find something that works. If we don't - we go back and rethink it and try to think out of the box. Only in the most desperate situation do we go to the Dr. and try medication. Sometimes they are necessary. People with dementia can become paranoid and can also hallucinate. If your safety is threatened, by all means contact her doctor!
My best wishes for you in this situation - with creativity it can be dealt with. It is especially tough to deal with your loved one. I hope that you can find a way to get a break from caretaking when you need it! Don't fear calling on others for help.
Talk calmly to them, tell them over and over that there ok and that you love them. It's so important to reassure as many times as you have to.Tell them that your there for them. Remember how afraid they feel and need you to help them feel better. Look past the behavior to the cause and don't take anything they say personally. I don't know if your loved one is at home or not but check for a UTI and keep them on as little medication as possible or at the lowest doses. It's been my experience that older people don't need as much of a med. Bring healthy food if you can and keep them hydrated as dehydration causes confusion.
Although, it is hard to say for sure, I feel that the person with AD ranting and raging must be difficult for them too. In this instance, I feel medication under proper Dr supervision is warranted. Reading from other web-sites, I have learned that meds like Seroquel is very helpful with the aggression and raging. My Mom had the same symptoms years ago, but it did not last long, thankfully. Otherwise, I would have sought pharmaceutical help. It was difficult watching her raging over stupid, minor things. It took a HUGE toll on her and everyone around her. Good luck.
Let the person rant and rave and be upset. Wouldn't you be upset to lose your memory? My husband told me the other day he "feels guilty" because he can't remember. I almost cried, but I assured him he was not to "blame". I walk away, go outside, feed the geese, ducks and pigeons in our laguna, and come back and he is fine. He usually asks, "I was worried about you, where did you go?" Try to remain calm, and don't take the ranting and raving personally.
@Chimonger, I have a little memo/meeting recorder that I keep in my pocket all day recording. It's an Olympus VN-4100PC several years old, cost about $60 at that time; the newer ones are even more convenient. On a day when something memorable happens, I plug the recorder into my computer and upload and save the file. Editing it to get just the important thing is easy.
A pocket cell phone can make a video too; we see them often on YouTube. When an incident starts, you push a button to start it recording.
Also there are small cameras, size of a deck of cards, which record continuously all day, with or without sound. AFTER something happens that you want to save, you push a button to save the last several minutes filmed. Cost about $30! Look for "dash camera" or "dashboard camera".
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
When we got to the hospital, she got out of the car, swore at me, and then once inside decided she was not going to have the procedure.
Here's where I went off the tracks. I should have just said, "ok, if that's what you want", and taken her home. Instead, I engaged with her, telling her that the doctor felt it was the right thing to do, etc. JUST WHAT SHE WANTED!!! It is amazing that she seems to delight in arguing, and since I'm the only one around, if I'm not being wise enough to side step her baiting, it never goes well. (long boring details here, which I'll skip). Finally took her home after she spoke with the doctor, and had not spoken to her since. When she is being this unreasonable, ranting and raving, the best thing for me is to stay away. That was 9/24. Yesterday she called and asked if I'd take her for her flu shot Friday, just like nothing ever happened.
I resent the fact that I have to take her abuse, but find the less I correct her, contradict her, etc. the easier my life is. So I keep the anger under control. She has always been this way, but is worse now that she's older. I still struggle with acceptance--everyone wants to have the mother, who's a sweet old lady, not a raving maniac.
She called the other day 10/01 and left a message that she had told off the gal in admissions and wasn't going to take her shit any more, etc. and now they were going to throw her out. This has happened before and I got all upset. This time I thought well, if they are going to throw her out, someone will call me, so I just didn't respond. My life is so much better if I can stay in a frame of mind which allows me to detach from her drama. So, it's possible to have to deal with the rants, raving and rage even without Alz. Disease, and a constant challenge for all of us.
We try everything we can think of, record the results over time, and spread the word if we find something that works. If we don't - we go back and rethink it and try to think out of the box. Only in the most desperate situation do we go to the Dr. and try medication. Sometimes they are necessary. People with dementia can become paranoid and can also hallucinate. If your safety is threatened, by all means contact her doctor!
My best wishes for you in this situation - with creativity it can be dealt with. It is especially tough to deal with your loved one. I hope that you can find a way to get a break from caretaking when you need it! Don't fear calling on others for help.
I have a little memo/meeting recorder that I keep in my pocket all day recording. It's an Olympus VN-4100PC several years old, cost about $60 at that time; the newer ones are even more convenient. On a day when something memorable happens, I plug the recorder into my computer and upload and save the file. Editing it to get just the important thing is easy.
A pocket cell phone can make a video too; we see them often on YouTube. When an incident starts, you push a button to start it recording.
Also there are small cameras, size of a deck of cards, which record continuously all day, with or without sound. AFTER something happens that you want to save, you push a button to save the last several minutes filmed. Cost about $30! Look for "dash camera" or "dashboard camera".
None of these take "hours of watching".
Good luck!
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