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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Number one, do not tolerate abuse. It will only grow and escalate if you do. You need to take care of yourself....you are important too. Train yourself to set firm limits on this type of behavior from your mother. For example.....walking away, leaving the room, going out for a while, and so on. And equally as important, tell your mother you will not tolerate disrespect or abuse.
Does your mother live with you? Close proximity is always challenging, but when you have an abusive parent under your roof, it can become intolerable. Are other living arrangements possible (assisted living, nursing home)? I am normally an advocate for "aging-in-place" but you have had a long history of abuse from your mother and you need to protect yourself. If this is not possible, then the coping mechanisms that Anne mentioned above will help. It is like behavioral modification. If you remain emotionless and leave the room whenever she becomes unruly, she will see that she cannot get what she wants from you: a reaction. I say you need as much distance from her as possible on a daily basis. I would even hire a paid caregiver to come in to sit with her while you go out for some serious "me time." Take care, Lilli
Stand up for yourself. The more your mother sees that she can get away with it, the more she will abuse. If you show her that you won't be treated in an abusive way, she might behave. Don't get sucked in to the arguments. Take the high road, letting her know you're not going to fight, or stand for the way she talks to you. Try putting some distance between the two of you. Tell your mother that you are going to hire an outside caregiver. Then do it. Once she sees how good she had it with you, she might change her tune - and her behavior. Carol Bursack wrote an article on this subject. You might want to check it out: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elders-abusing-their-adult-children-or-caregivers-137122.htm
My mother is in assisted living and has become so nasty and verbally abusive it's hard to deal with her. She is now on medication and we are hoping it will at least the edge off. If you mom was not this way before just try to remember it's not her it's the disease. Good luck!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Are other living arrangements possible (assisted living, nursing home)? I am normally an advocate for "aging-in-place" but you have had a long history of abuse from your mother and you need to protect yourself.
If this is not possible, then the coping mechanisms that Anne mentioned above will help. It is like behavioral modification. If you remain emotionless and leave the room whenever she becomes unruly, she will see that she cannot get what she wants from you: a reaction.
I say you need as much distance from her as possible on a daily basis. I would even hire a paid caregiver to come in to sit with her while you go out for some serious "me time."
Take care,
Lilli
Try putting some distance between the two of you. Tell your mother that you are going to hire an outside caregiver. Then do it. Once she sees how good she had it with you, she might change her tune - and her behavior. Carol Bursack wrote an article on this subject. You might want to check it out:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elders-abusing-their-adult-children-or-caregivers-137122.htm