My MIL is so nice to visitors but when it's just her and me........she often shuts me out. By that, I mean that she refuses to make eye contact, refuses to speak, refuses to eat or drink. When BIL stops by (2 hr/wk max), she is sweet as she can be. Eats anything he brings her, smiles, talks etc.
I can't help but assume this is my fault and am trying everything. I am kind and gentle with her, moved her bed into the living room so she is in the middle of the action and center of attention. But............................she shuts me out and it hurts. Just wondering if anyone else has this problem?
I no longer take the mean outbursts personally and I try to take a deep breath, divert mom to something else, hear her out without commenting back, and or remove myself from the situation via taking a walk, going to another room, hanging up the phone or taking a solo drive to calm myself.
I know she means it at the moment, or lashes out because of her own fears, loss of control or reality of her life.
It's hard, I'm not perfect and I've lashed back...but I'm the one who feels bad and deep down I don't want to hurt her at this point in her life.
I don't live with her so I get a break and can set boundaries.
I hope this helps.
I feel the same, sometimes. I'm trying to enlist more visitors - we get three hours with a caregiver from social services once a week, which is not much but it's something - and get my mother out of the house more. If I'm sick of the sight of her what must it be like for her about me? Torment, I should think.
Meanwhile, stay nice (I know you are) but maybe try to be less in her face? We all need privacy, and some of us (deep sigh) love solitude… not much chance of that!
"Elder Rage or Take my Father, Please..."
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