When my MIL (Alzheimers) gets a visitor, she acts "semi-normal" - I think it's called showtiming. But at the same time she spouts total untruths. I want to be respectful but she is absolutely "off the wall wrong." I struggle to follow-up privately later in order to explain the truth to these people. It is exhausting but she can "fake it" quite well and these people are left wondering if there is truth is her absurdities. I take it personally and I am so tired of following her around and repairing her "messes." I can't even imagine what she says when I leave her for an hour or two. There's no way for me to defend straighten anything out.
Does anyone here struggle with this?
Typical Confabulation: She just told someone who visited her this morning that her son's father in law died of a heart attack last month (true) - and just before he had the attack he moved himself and his wife to 'town' - 'he must have known something was wrong' - and the just a short time ago asked his son to take him back to the farm and he walked all around the farm and then shortly after he got home he died. (all a confabulation)
TRUTH: He had a severed heart attack about 10 years ago. They left the farm. He would go back to fish now and then. His health was deteriorating so they moved closer to their kids a few months ago. His condition worsened and he died a month ago. It was not caused by hiking around the farm 'one last time.'
These folks don't know the person she was talking about and her story sounded 'plausible' - but hardly a word of it resembled the real truth - but who would know?
If we corrected every single confabulation - we would be at it 24/7. If you mention anything she gets upset - because she KNOWS what happened - she KNOWS how it was, etc., etc., etc.
I tell those close to us that 'most' of what she says is inaccurate at best. Not to believe much of what she says - because it is just 'her reality' - doesn't resemble truth. Most understand.
On couple stopped seeing us abruptly - and we know it is something awful she told them and they believed. I say 'good riddance' - don't need friends like that anyway.
All I know is God knows what we deal with here - and he knows it isn't easy.
Wish my sense of humor covered this area better. I just get exasperated. I have to just stay away from her a much as possible.
Any untruths you later hear being repeated, if they're worth bothering about, you can correct with the simple statement: "my mother in law is suffering with Alzheimer's Disease. I will not hold what she says against her, but you must understand that it is unreliable." Or, if appropriate, "…actionable."
My mother has been telling everybody she wishes to entertain for at least 40 years that I have a complex about my fat legs. I'm just not going to go into it, but No I Haven't.
Let's just say that after overhearing my MIL spend an hour telling one horrid, hateful tale after another to her Social Worker - I no longer feel the need to put her life before my own anymore. I did that for years. It got me nowhere except the bottom of her list. So, I took a two week vacation ALONE and came home to NEW RULES and a New Way of Thinkin'. Things are better for us - she is even happier - but would never, ever admit it.
But the ''Old People Lie'' quote is 100% accurate. If the lies are harmless - it is easier to deal with.
I feel like learning this is making me a better person, less proud and less of a pain in the a.
If she's telling nasty stories about you, that's another thing entirely. What about telling visitors when they arrive that Mom's stories won't be strictly factual. If they hear something upsetting, they should check with you first before calling APS,
Prepped like that, most people will figure out the truth. No good deed goes unpunished. lol.
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