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We have our house for sale and it is in both my husband and my names. My husband has many financial problems and debt. It is impossible to have a logical conversation re the sale of the house and the proceeds. I have been paying all the household expenses and also the Real Estate taxes which are quite high. I think we will have to split the proceeds from the sale into two separate accounts. I also think I should be reimbursed for at least half of the real estate taxes I have paid. How do I have a conversation with someone who can't follow logic? Legally am I responsible for him?

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Mary, you need to get to an Eldercare attorney asap to ask these questions.
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Has his cognitive decline been documented by a doctor? I assume you do not have a Durable Power of Attorney. An Elder Law Attorney can proceed with guardianship if you don't have a POA. With a guardianship the courts will determine what you can be paid. His mental state could be a big issue in the sale of the house. Look for an Elder Law Attorney with CELA after their name.
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Iggy, may I offer a correction to your statement on a POA that: "...- it can go into effect only when you are declared unable to handle your affairs..." This is not true unless that POA is specifically drafted to include that provision.

If prepared by an attorney, it can include provisions that allow the proxy/attorney-in-fact to act w/o declaration of cognitive compromise.
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Are u divorcing? As a married couple you are as responsible for the debts either of you have. The creditors don't look at that you split your bills or have separate bank accts. If it was reversed, he'd be responsible for ur bills. I agree, u need a lawyer. You need tp protect yourself for the future.
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You might want to think about guardianship status or having a third party be his guardian. I don't see how he can sign anything in his current state.
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If everything is in BOTH of your names--why can't you just handle everything.
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Definitely talk to an elder medicaid planner, because how you handle the money may make a difference in eligibility. If he still has some lucid moments, have the planner recommend attorneys who they have worked with that can provide a power of attorney that will give you the ability to do everything you could do as a guardian. The toughest part is finding a notary at a time when he is lucid, so find a half dozen - if they will come to the house even better. When you see he is in a lucid period, get the notary to come right away - pay extra if you have to. Guardianship is a long, drawn out court proceeding, in many states, it is very expensive, and if on the day of your guardianship hearing he happens to have a moment of lucidity and can answer the judge's questions or objects to the guardianship, then you will have gone through all of that and spent all that money for nothing. And ordinarily there is a long time period before you can start the proceedings all over again. For the immediate need for the sale of the house, if you can prepare documents to have him sign the house over to you in one of his more lucid moments (if you don't have a power of attorney), but you will need a notary to notarize his signature. Further, anyone reading this should sign a power of attorney - it can go into effect only when you are declared unable to handle your affairs, and can be amended if you decide you want to change the person who you have named to handle your affairs. I know this will fall on deaf ears - how many of you even have wills? I am struggling right now to help relatives and some were still of sound mind and signed a POA (after the notary questioned them about their understanding of what they were signing, and the implications). For another relative, I am waiting for a guardianship and license to sell to be issued by the probate court and we may lose the only offer that we have received (the closing was scheduled for tomorrow and the buyers have already given their landlord notice and hired a truck and are ready to back out of the deal.) So my recommendation is get a POA immediately! Do whatever it is that you have noticed helps him be in the present and triggers his memory and understanding, and get him and the POA to a notary and get it signed!
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Garden Artist Give a Hug, yes, a POA can be effective before or after incompetence, or both. I was trying to let people know that they have the option of limiting when someone else can handle their affairs to only after they are no longer competent. Thanks for pointing out that what I said needed clarification. Also, someone can cancel a POA by putting it in writing that they are cancelling.
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A durable POA gives you full power. I can sell and even buy in my Moms name. There is a temporary used for one transaction.
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From what you describe, it sounds like it's time to see an elder care lawyer as mentioned here and go for guardianship. I'm not sure how to handle joint transactions situations especially since some transactions require signatures from both parties in front of a witness. I was joint owner on my foster dad's bank account, so I faced something similar. There came a point in time he was not in his right mind, also having both of our signatures for banking account changes would've been impossible. I don't recall what the change was for, I think the bank had something special going on at the time but I don't recall what. Anyway, they couldn't do anything without both of our signatures, so I understand a little about joint transactions. A third-party eventually became his guardian but neither of us saw it coming
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