She never did THIS until after Alzheimer's dementia diagnosis that's why I think its worse. If I don't get it, she pitches a fit. It is such a waste of money. I try to go get food without her but now she don't eat what I cook. I never know what she will eat. It is so frustration. I hate grocery shopping. Help please!!!!!!!!
She was so slow, it drove me nuts.
I just show up with groceries and food and put it away real fast.
Fixing her meals and doing all her shopping and driving is exhausting.
I'm just wondering if some of these right-wing programs are affecting elders.
Going shopping with her always ended up in a fight. I would say, "Mom, we already have lots of that. We don't need another." She would pitch a fit. It was really a control issue. She never shopped with a list and never shopped with a daughter that had a list. Pretty soon I realized that I could not take her shopping with me. So I started doing the shopping alone... and I got the hoard of food cleaned out of her house over the next few months. We either used it or I threw it away. It was beyond terrible. It is what happens when people buy more than they can use for 20 years.
My mother didn't drive, so she learned to buy a lot at one time when Dad would take her shopping each week. She was always concerned about running short, so I understand how the behavior started and escalated later in life.
I don't think the eating issue is related. Food in general tastes different as we age. Our taste buds are wearing out and we taste some things much more strongly than other things. The overall taste is different now. And at least two kinds of dementia (Alzheimer's and Lewy Body) include loss of smell, which has a big impact in how things taste. This is a very common problem among elders and especially among elders with dementia. It isn't related to the desire to hoard grocery items.
So I think you are dealing with two distinct challenges here. Does that make it seem better or worse?
On the hoarding, I'd say let her stock up on canned goods or paper goods. Try to limit the waste of over-stocking perishables. She pitches a fit? Sorry. You still have to help her manage finances reasonably.
The eating is a big challenge. Work with her to discover what she likes right now. Serve it to her, again and again. Don't over-stock up on it though, because she is likely to suddenly hate it. She may want cottage cheese and pineapple until you are sick of serving it, and then suddenly decide she hates cottage cheese. Sigh. Maybe she wants applesauce three times a day. Fine. Serve a pretty little dish of applesauce along with what ever else is for each meal. Let her see that you are on her side, that you understand that it is frustrating to have the taste of foods change, and that you'll work with her to try to make eating experiences pleasant.
When people say that taking care of someone who has dementia is hard, these are exactly the kinds of issues they have in mind! Hang in there.
If the foods are canned or frozen and can last for a long time, I frankly see nothing wrong in buying on sale. My mother did that and saved a lot of money by purchasing the bargains. And that's what I do.
I believe that many people just buy enough for the week ahead, which is obviously a choice they make. Our family never did that.
So the large amounts of what she buys would to me be of concern only if the foods are perishable.
He would also go to SAMs Club and buy tons of paper and cleaning products. I mean tons! The garage was full to the rafters. Then.....it just stopped. Have no idea why. Meanwhile, everyone in my family has stocked up on paper products. I'll never have to buy paper towels again in my lifetime.
If she refuses what you cook, tell her she gets no dessert (you are now the parent) unless she eats dinner. Gently.
Or check and see if your area has an on-line grocery service such as Peapod. Peapod will do home delivery for a small fee, thus making it much easier, unless Mom starts looking over your shoulder while you are ordering groceries :P