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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Are you at their home during care giving or do you live with them or them with you? Can you separate yourself when the sniping begins? 'Well, I can see you need to sort things out, it must be time for me to leave (do something else)". Remove yourself from their discussion and let them be negative on their own. You may be able to train them (like Pavlov's dog) to NOT do the sniping when they are with you.
Years ago, while my friend went through a 7 year final illness (at age 50!) one couple's negativity accelerated constantly while they were with her. She shared with me how much this bothered her. I reminded her she didn't have to spend time with them and the negativity wasn't helping her. She did kind of cut them off in the last year. Her only mention of it was that she was sorry she had to do it but it was better for her. The couple did come to the services, never wondered why they had been cut off. Sometimes these folks are so caught up in their own habits, they have no clue as to the effect on others.
Remove yourself from the sniping. Leave the house/room/discussion.
I also have difficulty with this when I visit my parents, or even sometimes when I am talking to them on the phone. My mom has lost so much of her independence it seems that the only control she has is by nagging, mostly my dad. It drives me nuts. It also hurts to see them argue so much even as a grown adult. I have found my visits are fewer between and shorter as this behavior takes so much out of me. I feel guilty for that though.
One point that seems to get missed is that one assumes these two people love or loved each other? It would be a shame to ignore it and let their last days be sniping at one another. I strongly suggest they see a family therapist to try to recognize what they are doing and stop it. It is a vicious cycle that needs to be broken. If one won't go then the other can go alone. If they allow it, you should consider going too, since you are a part of the dynamics and a more impartial participant than they are (though not completely). Just separating yourself from the issue doesn't solve it. It only leaves them to flounder and suffer in their final years. If neither will go, I suggest you go yourself (and feel free to tell them you are going). You will be amazed how much better you will be able to deal with the situation and recognize what is happening. And don't be afraid to go to three or four therapists for a one-time consultation until you find one you are comfortable with. The right "fit" is very important. One of your parents may even eventually go with you if you ask once in awhile (probably mom). You'll feel better able to handle it all, and perhaps your parents will begin to have a healthier relationship. Worked in our family.
If this is ongoing more-of-same behavior, tune them out, or remove yourself from the nagging and negativity. It is not your responsibility to fix their marriage.
If this is new behavior, and especially if one of them has possible dementia or other new impairments, perhaps you could help by gently offering information to the other about the impairment and how to deal with it. Don't get into lecture mode or scolding, but share information.
Deprive them of an audience. Or once in a while blurt out that phrase Ralph & Alice Kramden used when they got on each other's nerves. They'll probably gang up against you, but at least the nagging will be interrupted for a while.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Years ago, while my friend went through a 7 year final illness (at age 50!) one couple's negativity accelerated constantly while they were with her. She shared with me how much this bothered her. I reminded her she didn't have to spend time with them and the negativity wasn't helping her. She did kind of cut them off in the last year. Her only mention of it was that she was sorry she had to do it but it was better for her. The couple did come to the services, never wondered why they had been cut off. Sometimes these folks are so caught up in their own habits, they have no clue as to the effect on others.
Remove yourself from the sniping. Leave the house/room/discussion.
If this is new behavior, and especially if one of them has possible dementia or other new impairments, perhaps you could help by gently offering information to the other about the impairment and how to deal with it. Don't get into lecture mode or scolding, but share information.