My 85 year old mom has lived with us for close to 4 years. My partner is really her primary caregiver. We moved her into our home when she was not able to get the care she needed.
She has arthritis, A-FIB, congestive heart failure and a colonscomy (that she cannot change on her own). She complains more and more now; it really has become a source of tension for everyone. I think she is clinically depressed but she won't admit it and seek help.
The complaining is about everything - too cold, the food is not right, the pain she feels, etc. She will not go out with us just to get out of the house but when we go, she always insinuates that we should not be gone.
I am at wit's end. I really am.
My heart goes out to you in your situation. I took care of my mother-in-law for ten years in our home, and the constant demands she put on us were also taxing. Her death in our family room was also very difficult.
First, don't count on your care recipient for positive feedback. Give it to yourself. You are doing God's work caring for a loved one who needs your help. Remember that your Mom took care of you when your diaper needed changing, and you are returning the favor. Think back to happier times and give your care to the mother who was there for you in your youth. And believe it or not, when your mother passes, you will look back fondly on your caregiving years and wish you could change her colostomy bag one more time just to have a chance to tell her you love her. You have no control over your mom's mental state. Control your own. Give to her from your heart, and know that when she lashes out at you, she is in terrible physical, emotional or mental pain. Find your compassion. And forgive her, for she knows not what she does. Contact your local senior center and senior services agency and see if you can get some free or low-cost respite care for her so you can take care of yourself. Check with local family or friends if you have some you can trust. Bless you for what you do. Heavenly forces really do notice.
hoping that with meds and more physical rehab, we can turn things back a notch....
thanks for sharing ....