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Mom is 92, uses a walker, has early dementia and is starting to have bathroom issues. She lives with her son and daughter-in-law and often is very nasty to her son, accusing him of stealing. They work all day so she is home alone for long periods of time and with everything going on the dr. Feels this will have to change before too long. She has no assets and very little money. Has anyone dealt with this situation?

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Assisted Living told us they don't wipe butts and the patient has to be able to walk to the dining hall and have good behavior.
Nursing Homes that intake Medicaid have long waiting lists.
You should look around a year before you actually need a place. So start looking now. Sometimes the parent has a serious fall, gets into the hospital and the family just refuses to pick them up, forcing the Social Worker to find a place with an open bed. It's a way of bypassing the waiting lists.
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I think it depends on the state. In my state of NC, most assisted living facilities do provide assistance to the resident. It's based on their needs. Some do need assistance with bathing, bathroom, medication administration, etc. That is all covered in the monthly fee. You have to find some that accept Medicaid. I looked on line and called around. Then I narrowed it down and physically went to the facility for a tour.
Oh, they have to be able to get in and out of bed with the assistance of one person. If they can't do that, they wouldn't be a good match.

You say your mom has dementia. If her doctor can say she needs Memory Care, she might qualify for a Memory Care facility. They do more things for the resident, depending on their progression. They accommodate the resident with help in all areas of their daily care. It involves a lot more on hands care and I would recommend it for those who have substantial memory loss and may not realize what things are for. And they know how to handle dementia behavior such as the accusations your mom is making. Regular Assisted living places don't do well wit that. In our state Memory Care is still considered Assisted Living.

Nursing homes are also an option, but they costs much more. Still, if your mom qualifies for Medicaid, I would check out places that except it and find one that you feel comfortable with. If your mom is still fairly mobile and has problematic behavior from dementia, that might cause a problem at the nursing home. I'm not familiar with them, but others here are for sure.

I will say that even though some facilities may be pretty and look good, they may not be any better than a more modest one. I would have your mom properly evaluated to see exactly what assistance she needs and what kind of place would be a good fit.

In our state, for Medicaid purposes, the doctor has to sign off on what care she needs. For example, she cannot care for herself in the following ways, and there are boxes to check for what she needs. Such as incontinence, bathing, etc.
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I just experience that very same thing. Took care of my mom and worked so she spent long periods of time alone, although we have two loving dogs that are always at her side. I think it is for the food she might drop. :) I did this for 6 1/2 years and discovered 3 years into it the very thing you are discovering. There is no one place you can go to get the answers you need to have someone qualify for Medicaid. Wellfare, food stamps and Snap, yes but nothing specific to the elderly. Three years ago after 4 months of pounding the pavement I quit and decided I would keep her until I can't anymore. I just waited for the 911 call. It happened and the idea of leaving her in the hospital was a thought, I mentioned it in a round about way to the social worker and she said the police would be on my door, but thankfully it did not come to that. I do not share this responsibility with anyone, I am an only child, so I have no family help with the enormity of the responsibility. Once 911 was called, she had a stroke, the ball just rolled. The social worker found an acceptable Medicaid pending nursing home. You do need to get an attorney that specializes in senior care. My mom made in social security and retirment income $200 too much to qualify out right for Medicaid so we had to set up a Qualifying Income Trust, that is where the attorney comes in, and the actual filling of the papers for Medicaid. This is the first month, and we are still on Medicaid pending. Hope some of this information helps. Good luck, it's a hard task.
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Don't assume there's waiting lists everywhere. We started looking with A Place for Mom and they were excellent in guiding us.
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I spoke with A Place For Mom and because our Mom cannot afford private pay for longer than a month or two they could not help us but they did send info on sites to check for Medicaid funded places. If you can afford private pay in the beginning it is easier to find a place. Thanks for your input, though!
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If unable to return home: Acute care hospital, sub-acute care/rehab, SNF rehab, SNF long-term with option to return home if injuries permit. We said at each level of care that we would NOT take him home. Each level of care was provided to the extent that Medicare and supplemental insurance would cover. Then one, maybe two months of private pay. Patient is then admitted as "private pay" , then moved to a Medicaid bed - a "semi-private" room when private pay stops. In our community, if a patient is placed in an SNF across the river this is also across the state line. It appears that both states accept private pay so look at medical/ADL issues. Next - each state's Medicaid administers things a little differently. If crossing state lines just be aware property ownership needs to be considered before making the final decision. SNF's will accept the private pay from anywhere. Medicaid, however, looks at location of SNF and location of the patient's home residence. Try to find a facility within her state of residence if she owns any real property. In our geographical area it's easier to get placements across the state line, but more difficult to process Medicaid applications.
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It's not that they don't accept it...they just have a limited amount of beds for Medicaid patients. So her name can go on a waiting list which is better than nothing (I was told by one facility a 2-3 year wait) but we still would like to see what the place is like! However, because there is such a limited amount of beds as soon as Medicaid is mentioned they are not very helpful...at least so far in my search!
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What you wrote 126cher does seem to be true! Once Medicaid comes into the conversation they no longer can help. My husband and I got LTC insurance last year and going thru this for my mother-in-law makes me glad we did. We may not ever use it but if one or both of us do need this kind of care it will save my kids some distress...at least I hope so!
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I live in KS and my Mom moved to NH from independent living with a short stay in the hospital. The doctors would not release her to anything else and the NH helped get her on Medicaid, filling out the application, telling me what I needed, and filing it for me. She didn't have to wait here either.
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I am also going through the same thing for both of my parents. Both have dementia. Moms name came up for Medicaid but not dads. I have not heard the progression of moms application. That was from April. I have them in a assisted living facility that accepts Medicaid when the time comes. I am getting very nervous what to do because their money is almost gone. They also have no provision for funeral expenses. It's unfortunate that things are so stressful and difficult when trying to help your parents. The advice to start early is great advice. This may lessen your stress in the future. The sooner the better. God bless. You are not alone.
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