Since beginning my caregiver journey, I have noticed that I’m not excited about things I love anymore. I have learned to set boundaries and put myself first but the damage has already been done. I’m in counseling but can’t afford to go weekly which would really benefit me. I’m just reaching out to see if anyone else is experiencing this?
I'm sorry if this is a downer. I just want you to know you are not alone and I hope you are able to get to a place of being excited about your life again.
We do have one big difference, though. I am caring for my husband, whom I love more than anything. I am frustrated at what he has become, and that my days are filled with changing soiled diapers and washing soiled linens. But I remind myself that I would rather live like this than to live without him around. He was the ONLY person who was ever really good to me in my life.
I have already told my dad that I am not taking care of him if he needs help. He will be placed in an appropriate facility to care for his needs. Fortunately, he has a wife who is close to my age, so I am hoping it will be her problem to work out.
You, my dear, are carrying extra stress and resentment, knocking yourself out for someone you don't feel deserves it. You are not taking care of yourself. You can place your father in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing Facility without feeling guilty. He will be well taken care of there by professionals who will treat him like any other patient, without the resentment and the history.
And if you ever just want to talk, to vent, feel free to message me directly. I am happy to listen to your stories of aggravation and commiserate! I'm no professional counselor, but it may help to express your feelings and have another perspective, or just to know that others are dealing with the same frustrations.
I feel like I'm running on empty. It is extremely tough and I'm glad I have this forum to be able to connect with people who understand. I'm gaining weight because I do not have time to prepare healthy meals. I eat on the run a lot. But starting tomorrow, I'm going to make the time.
I have definitely lost myself. I'm thankful that we have a lady who helps out in the mornings but I'm afraid she is getting tired because she also has another job.
I discovered it's one of the signs of burnout.
You are so right! Society sets all these rules for us. We are suppose to put ourselves on the back burner no matter what. My hair has started shedding and I know it is stress. Plus, my dad often has an attitude with me ( he always has). On my days off, he always has something for me to do but I have started saying no. If it something important like going to get medication or a doctor's appointment, I will but sometimes he find things that really don't need doing or matter. I have a week off next week and I'm not looking forward it. I just want to be happy again and enjoy my life.
This sight has been very helpful to me! It took me a long time to set boundaries. A friend of mine explained how important boundaries are and that is when I started doing it. As I said, the damage has already been done, but I feel more in control of my life. I also recommend counseling. It has helped me as well.
She looked me in the eye and said, "You can forget all of that. You're a caregiver now."
Truth.
We should not have to forget all of that. I've read many times that sometimes the caregivers are the ones who become in worse shape or as worse shape as the person they are caring for and that sometimes the person who is being cared for, lives longer than the caregiver because of stress. Stress causes many illnesses. We just have to do the best we can while also taking care of our own needs.
We do go to restaurants sometimes , we felt we had to do something or lose all friends . We also go just the two of us but we go off peak hours, less crowded .
I have asthma, DH is diabetic , not good when you come down with Covid , Flu etc .
Not even retired yet . I have thought about how my parents and in laws never worried about anything like this during their retirement years. I feel we’ve “ lost “ feeling comfortable doing things . We’ve lost the type of retirement our parents had due to Covid .
Even though Flu in our lifetime was always around it did not put the fear in some of us to limit things like experiencing the Covid pandemic did .
We did go on beach vacation last year . We wore good masks on the plane .
This year driving to a beach condo that we rented. Who knows how long we will continue to do these things.
Yes, please try your best to find time to enjoy yourself. Please do this. I have begun to do it and I should have a long time ago but even now when I try, sometimes I do not have the motivation. I signed up for a fun work event and I almost want to cancel because I'm exhausted physically and mentally. I was at my dad's yesterday and had to clean up dried feces from the floor and I think I almost had a breakdown. It was at that point that I started thinking about not going to the event I signed up for. I'm going to push myself to go. If it were not for work, I would probably be in worse shape mentally.