Has anyone ever lost interest in things you use to enjoy or were excited about because of caregiving?

Yes, right now I'm lying on the bed, looking out the window at the river, and surfing the internet.

Yep. And I also feel guilty for feeling this way. I am by nature a very enthusiastic and energetic human, full of joy & curiosity. After 11 months of caring for both my parents who have dementia and mobility issues, I feel drained & merely existing, not really living. It’s probably a bit of depression setting in, at the reality of my situation (being that I am losing both my loving parents simultaneously and alone). I find myself not reaching out to friends or making any efforts to go out. I don’t pursue my passions anymore b/c there is no time. Too many duties that require immediate attention. I think I’ve just become sad and as a result, things seem less fun perhaps. My time with them is limited but I know I meed to find better balance to enjoy them and me.

This may not be relevant for other people, but I find I’ve ‘lost’ a lot of things because of Covid. We caught it at a theatre performance. We’ve stopped so many things since – theatre, cinema, restaurants, anything with crowds. Some of them stopped happening (for a while, or still haven't started again), some we just don’t do any more. And of course we’re getting older, mid 70s, and have been unwell. We’ve lost habits. Perhaps more than one thing makes us ‘lose’ the things we used to enjoy.

When my LO was almost ready to be discharged from rehab after a stroke, I was subject to meetings with the OT, PT, speech therapist, and so on. The social worker interviewed me extensively as to what kind of life I'd lived prior to LO's stroke. I told her - work, recreation, family activities, leisure.

She looked me in the eye and said, "You can forget all of that. You're a caregiver now."

Truth.

Yes. I'm scared to be happy or look forward to anything anymore

Yes, definitely 💯

I am soo happy I found this site! YES! Like you I am working to set boundaries and take care of myself but as you say the damage has been done. I have not tried counseling yet. Today, when people ask me what my hobbies are I just stare at them blankly while I try to think of something to say. We are all burned out and I'm just happy I found this site with other people who are going through the same experience and understand.

Caregiving for me highjacked my talents in sewing. I knew I still had it, but I had limited time because of always having to look out for other people. To tell you the truth, I'm tired of it even though I do it sometimes professionally. I found out that dealing with sick people follows the same dysfunctional dynamics like when I was dealing with my immediate family including being criticized for not doing more, not being able to enjoy my downtime and constantly being on edge all the time. I would probably do better in a facility because at least there is help there, and I wouldn't be doing the one on one that can be nerve racking not being to escape for five minutes to get some air. Taking the trash out was the only respite I had with my last case. These people would get more and more demanding and needy, talk all of the time, and I would be blue in the face because of it. However, society sets all of these rules for caregivers and other people professions that we must be patient, kind, loving and empathetic. Okay, we are all of these things, but we are burning out! Some of us are angry as hell and depressed because even if we don't know it yet, our bodies tell us enough is enough. Change something! For me, I think I need to learn to be patient, kind, loving and empathetic to myself.

Yep

I discovered it's one of the signs of burnout.

I could not do this (full-time caregiving) with out my low does SSRI. Talk to a doctor. Take care of yourself! Easier said than done, I know!

Care giving is a selfless act of kindness that can absolutely make you focus on others to a point where you can easily lose yourself.Try to step back a little if you can give yourself a break. Get some help and try to do the caregiving partime.You will find yourself again.

Usually losing interest in things you enjoy is a symptom of depression or burnout or even a physical issue. I am glad you are setting boundaries. Please prioritize your health. Get a good medical examination. Ask for a mental health referral to a psychiatrist if no physical problems are identified. There are wonderful treatments out there for depression - which is often called "the common cold of mental health" since so many people do experience depression.

Yes. I've been sole CG for 2.5 years now and previously had been able to enjoy doing my favorite crafts (crocheting for one). My dad's recent decline has sucked all of my energy and enthusiasm from me. I forced myself to go to the gym the yesterday and I caught myself beginning to cry while I was on the treadmill.

Oh Goodness! Yes and yes and yes. At first thought I could handle it fine, but as I've become older and my mother too (93) and it's been going on 7 years, it has become an enormous challenge because I have no one helping to relieve all the duties of house maintenance, bills, strategy of finances, cooking meals or deciding to pick up food to go and then on top of that I work in the evenings. And it's not even because she can't get around or go to the bathroom on her own. It's her dementia. Her cognitive skills are declining, so she can't remember how to sometimes do simple things, we take for granted. Many times I get burned out. The once a month caregiver group meetings I try to attend are informative and wonderful WHEN I can get to them clear across town. I suffer from anxieties and depression off and on, but fortunately, not lasting for a straight. I find that if I can manage some sort of escape, whether it's walking, or an exercise class, or a talk with a friend (not necessarily about caregiving, but other good distractions) it helps lift me and I am more hopeful. I also cannot afford a counselor at this time, so actually this site is helpful when I have time to get on it. I am an artist, so have not painted in years nor played my guitar and sang. I used to perform at open mikes. But I sing in the house and I try to go hear friends perform who play in small venues. I find that any little thing I can do that pleases me helps. You have to just find little joys. Caregiving is hard because also I am not relating to someone I love in the same way anymore and even though I know enough about dementia to realize it's not really my mother, but her brain changing and acting up, it is still a challenge to learn different, more calming ways to communicate with her. And that is the main key ( relearning how to communicate) to calm anxieties in her and me. There is so much I cannot afford, but I just try to take it day by day. There will be damage, but you can/will learn to navigate your new life in a different way. And everything depends, all your decisions, on how much you can take and how long you want to be in it and the progression of the patient. You can look into your area and see if it has group therapy/meetings for caretakers. I think if you are in counseling and just going when you can is terrific. Keep it up. And good luck! It definitely is not for everyone and it usually falls on someone's lap and I think it's been the hardest job I've ever done and there is like over 30 million people doing this.

faithfulbeauty, I feel like you are expressing all of my thoughts! I, too, feel like I have lost joy, and wish I could afford regular therapy, not to mention the time to spend on myself.
We do have one big difference, though. I am caring for my husband, whom I love more than anything. I am frustrated at what he has become, and that my days are filled with changing soiled diapers and washing soiled linens. But I remind myself that I would rather live like this than to live without him around. He was the ONLY person who was ever really good to me in my life.
I have already told my dad that I am not taking care of him if he needs help. He will be placed in an appropriate facility to care for his needs. Fortunately, he has a wife who is close to my age, so I am hoping it will be her problem to work out.
You, my dear, are carrying extra stress and resentment, knocking yourself out for someone you don't feel deserves it. You are not taking care of yourself. You can place your father in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing Facility without feeling guilty. He will be well taken care of there by professionals who will treat him like any other patient, without the resentment and the history.
And if you ever just want to talk, to vent, feel free to message me directly. I am happy to listen to your stories of aggravation and commiserate! I'm no professional counselor, but it may help to express your feelings and have another perspective, or just to know that others are dealing with the same frustrations.

Yes, very much so. I do see a therapist and she encourages me to find time to take breaks and do things for myself, which I do. And I enjoy those things while I am doing them (Going to a concert or comedy show with my family, having lunch with a friend, etc). But the rest of the time? I just can't make myself do anything in my day-to-day life. No gardening, no embroidering, no crafts, no decorating. It's hard just to make myself get up and clean or get up and shower. I have heart failure so I am limited in the anti-depressants I can take. I was able to increase my dosage last year but it's just not enough. I don't even do day to day care of my mom. She is in a memory care facility. It's just everything that has happened in the last 18 months.

I'm sorry if this is a downer. I just want you to know you are not alone and I hope you are able to get to a place of being excited about your life again.

I am sorry others are experiencing what I am, but I am glad to know that it isn't just me being a less than stellar caregiver. I try to keep myself going, but the planning and logistics involved are overwhelming and even more so when the enthusiasm is gone. I am three years into this and feel as though I passed burnout a long time ago. My husband could easily last another 5-10 years. Not sure I can survive it

I explained it to my husband that I don't feel human anymore. I've been spending more time with other family members and that has helped along with prayer and setting boundaries. It's such a tough road to go down. You might want to reach out to churches in your area that do free or low cost mental health counseling. Some have psychiatrists and therapists on staff or in their membership. I'm amazed how many our church has.

Wow -- it really helps to know that I'm not alone!

Being a caregiver is not for sissies...

So very true. I like to camp, fish, hunt. I don't do any of those things now because I can't let my partner be alone for several days. We do have caregivers who come in to help, but not AMs and PMs. I got some wonderful lures for Hannukah, but I wonder if I will ever use them. She gets worried when I leave the house to go grocery shopping!

Life is boring and bland; being able to read books electronically is my only pastime. Cooking is an outlet that I use since I enjoy it and we need to eat! I am having rather rigorous back surgery end of April so gardening, another get-outside thing I do, may not be possible.

I feel like I am in prison; my so-called golden years do not exist any longer. Laundry, poop, clean, cook. No, we don't have family to help out.

Yes. Thats depression, lack of interest in anything. But you can change that (and should). Try it in your own time but soon. Do something you love. No one will judge you for taking time to yourself. In fact I was told by a counselor my 1st step is to take care of myself FIRST, because if you don’t, you both drown. I felt my own sanity slipping at times and my closest friends and family saw it too. Bad. So, There must be a level of self preservation in this, and that includes living. Nature walks, music, cooking, games, whatever you enjoy.

Faithfulbeauty
You didn’t mention whether you had any sort of relief/help from families or friends.It is extremely important to have breaks. If you have a close family member or friend, perhaps you can help each other out.Your family member or friend can sit with your loved one for a few hours so that you can attend an exercise class, get a massage, or revisit another activity you enjoyed and then you do the same for him/her.

In my city, there are adult day care centers that are fairly inexpensive. Perhaps you can look to see if there are any in your area. The cool thing about the adult day centers is they allow your loved one to get engaged in an activity for a few hours so you can take a break. I would also look into your loved one’s insurance for senior healthcare benefits. Many times you can find really useful benefits through Medicare and AARP as well.

I’m not sure if you’re currently employed but many employers now offer free therapy to their employers. Look into that and take advantage of that as well. I do! This will give you an opportunity to vent and share your frustrations which can help free your mind of some of the emotional stress you’re facing.
Look into support groups in your area. You’re not alone and talking to others facing similar challenges is always helpful.


Make a list of some of the activities that you would like to resume and possibly new things you want to try - maybe a vision board! Hang it up. Having something that you can actually put eyes on daily that will remind you of the goals you set to be get back to doing life again. Commit to accomplishing the things that you want to do and the places you want to go noted on your vision board and start working on a plan. You can do it!

As I mentioned in my earlier post, my dad passed away recently. My parents were married 60 years so I know that my mom needs me more than ever but I’m not going to be any use to her if I crumble so I have to protect my mental and physical well-being just as much as hers. At the moment, basically she’s in very good shape physically for 80 yrs old. Cognitively not so great. I enrolled her in Zumba and sit and be fit classes at a local senior center and she loves it. It gets her out of the house and away from me so I can have at least a 4 hour break 4 days a week.

Now it’s not always sunshine and rainbows….she attempts at times to make me feel guilty for leaving her home or dropping her off when I want to get out without her but I’ve learned not to fall for it for my own sanity . I remind myself that it’s imperative to have “me time” and I go. PERIOD. Sometimes she throws a fit but I don’t care because I know she’s fine.

Sometimes I’ll just jump in the car, grab an ice cream, and just drive. Sometimes I’ll just take a walk in the park. Sometime I’ll grab lunch or dinner with friends. Sometimes I’ll simply stay home and “Netflix and chill “ but the goal is to do it without her so I can be in my own bubble - a break from caregiving.

Lastly I want to say this and this is EXTREMELY important for you to digest. The fact that you even posted this question and asked for advice shows what an incredible caring and loving individual you are. You didn’t have to step up and be a caregiver. You could’ve put that incredibly difficult task on someone else or a facility but you didn’t. You’re putting the needs of your loved one first which isn’t a horrible thing but you need to start balancing their needs with your needs. Your loved one is lucky to have you!!!

Remember to show yourself just as much love as you’re showing your loved one. Your mental well-being matters. Your physical well-being matters. Getting back to living life matters. Find time to meditate and pray. Very important if you’re a religious or spiritual person. The power behind sitting in silence is incredible.

You’ll be ok. You just need to pivot and create a new plan. Keep us posted on how you’re doing. We’re all here for you!

I have been caring for my parents full time since Sept 2020. My dearly beloved Dad passed in Apr 2021 and I am so grateful for those months caring for him! I cont caring for my Mom (later stage dementia) and often feel as you do. Reading through the replies, I haven’t seen any remarks about prayer time.
For me, this is more of a calling, than a duty. And the times I spend w the Lord - whether reading daily offerings online, sharing with a friend, or praying in my time - is a balm, a respite that lasts well beyond the 2-30 minutes I spend with the Lord.
I hope you can find time for Him too.
You will begin to find peace, and then yourself again.

PS I am not a nun or anything; just a retired dietitian. I have bad days where I hate what I’m doing, the time I’m “losing” from my own life, my own goals, my hopes of dating! But I thank God for the time I have to give back to my parents, and for all the Blessings in my life leading up to this moment.
“Be grateful and happiness (your joy) will follow!” - that’s my mantra.

God Bless you all for doing the work of loving care. I hope this helps you.

Yes. I get so tired and sad watching my mom decline that it affects my motivation and energy. But I just do what I can to replenish and restore energy by taking time to do things for me. It’s worth the effort.

ME TOO! This is not how I planned to spend my retirement. It's walking such a thin line. I want him to live as long as possible because I love him, but I hate not having any help, never being able to leave the house because he is an invalid. I'm working on getting paid help a few hours a week, just so I can get out to do anything; but he only wants me! What my therapist has told me that makes sense is: "Remember, it won't be forever." He has been on hospice for five months and is not ready to die. "My time" is now, between 11pm and 1am, so tired. I think my interests will come back in time.

Yes I have, I aways loved working in my small shop doing wood working, tinkering with my hunting truck, working in my yard, fishing and hunting. But since my wife takes a lot of that time, I have put it off...She is in a stage now of shadowing me everwhere I go, even to the restroom.
I have grant that pays if I need a sitter but it is not enough if I want to get away for a whole day or two.
There seems to be something each day that wrecks any time really away for me.
Either someone coming to bath twice a week, taking her to a Caring Place for 6 hours or day of nurse coming to check her.
I wash her clothes often, changing her bed almost every day and hand bathing and days she is at the Caring Place I am grocery shopping or running some
errands.
So yes I understand, but all this seems to be a regret but far from it. I love her more than anything and will do for her as long as she needs me.
I do miss some of the mentioned but no counselling will cure that because it has to be done.

I sure have! Since caring for my husband, I had to sell my business, ending my 53 year career and all "friends" associated with it. We also must sell our house, that he built 50 years ago and I have lived here for 40+ years. Nothing interests me anymore. I think it's just being so tired and depressed about the direction our life has taken and I feel so alone, even though my sister helps me as much as she can. I'm not sure how to handle this either. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone

faithfulbeauty: It is imperative that you seek respite whenever possible even for short periods.

I just wanted to say thanks to EVERYONE who has posted about my question. I'm in the process of reading all of them! I did not realize I had this many responses until about a couple of hours ago when I was feeling really down. Caregiving is hard and people can not fully understand unless they have been there! I want to enjoy life and have fun before it is too late. Keep the comments coming and I know we can all help each other in some way.

I forgot to mention I go to bed and get plenty of hours of sleep but I find I still wake up exhausted.