Since beginning my caregiver journey, I have noticed that I’m not excited about things I love anymore. I have learned to set boundaries and put myself first but the damage has already been done. I’m in counseling but can’t afford to go weekly which would really benefit me. I’m just reaching out to see if anyone else is experiencing this?
It’s odd to find yourself completely numb to the outside world.
Sometimes caregivers become so isolated that they don’t appreciate that there is a huge world out there that they don’t even see.
How are you doing these days? What is the latest news regarding your mom?
I'm seeing a therapist but at my doctor's appointment, I'm going to talk to her about other options because this is tough and I'm tired of feeling this way because of someone else.
I’m so tired all the time that I don’t have the desire or the energy for the things I used to enjoy. Im going to look into getting some help.
Maybe it’s possible for you to do the same.
I truly wish you the best. Please take care of yourself.
I also kind of resent the people who said call me anytime and then fell off the face of the earth. I really couldn’t use the help they were offering because they can’t do hands on with mom’s toileting issues. But just a text once in a while saying they’re thinking of me would be nice.
The stress alone has changed me and I am no spring chicken either, age 76. My nasty mother is in her 99th year, no dementia, just not a nice person. Stepmother in MC, age 86 and can live for many years yet.
Never dreamed that this would be my "Golden Years"!
When people made the comment to my mom that she would live to be 100, she would say, “I certainly hope that I don’t!” She was ready to die long before she did at age 95. Parkinson’s disease is brutal in the latter stages. Mom’s brother also had Parkinson’s disease and he lived until he was 96.
My great aunts all lived into their late 90’s, surprisingly in good health.
As well as my cousin who recently died at age 101! Her body finally gave out. No walker, no wheelchair, she was a tiny little spitfire! The woman drove and went to her high school reunion up until she was 100 years old! She was invited to attend class reunions as the oldest former student.
I don’t think that I want to live as long as many of the women in my family.
This made my anxiety just hit the top. Think of one of those circus games, where you are given a big mallet and you try to pound the little stomper so that the arrow climbs up and rings the bell. That bell was chiming for me all the time. My nervous energy was completely to the fore. I don't know, even four years after his death, whether it has ever returned to normal. I do know I am much more, now, aware of how easily I can become anxious.
As to whether this has caused me to take less delight in the things that delight me? No, not really, and perhaps the opposite is the case. I now look on the relief of reading, of gardening, or walking on the beach looking at rocks, of a good podcast or movie, a great take and bake pizza as real "godsends" (if you will for this non-believer). I treasure those things that can bring me relief from anxiety. I recognize more the beauty in life, the fragility, and am more than ever intent on not wasting, not recognizing my good luck in being alive NOW, in this my country.
Just my personal perspective, Faithful. I hope you will seek out joy. Make yourself journal perhaps? Decorate it with collage. Bring in what is good. Savor it. My crow tarot card today talked of "perspective". Of how to look at something. I have been looking at a bit of a spot of bother, myself, and have been doing the "oh woe is me" thing. But looked at another way, it is a spot of bother I hopefully found before it became a puddle, a pond, a deluge. And I have skilled and kind people on my side.
Try looking at all this as a learning experience. I think myself, having watched your journey, you have come a way! Right? Give yourself a pat on the back.
I do journal a lot and I love gardening. When the weather is warmer, being able to work in the yard will help and I refuse to let anything interfere with that. I’m also handling all the bills which is even more stress trying to keep up with due dates for his and mine. You are right.. I’ve come a long way. It is largely due to this forum!!
My life was a living hell when I was living with my mother and being her caregiver. In fact, I was at a point where I had given up on myself and became a totally different person. Even less than a shell of the person I was. Now mind you I did caregiving as work for 25 years and it was well enough, but being back home and dealing with my mother who truly needed help and it wasn't her hypochondria and other mental illnesses, all but destroyed me.
I had isolated myself from my friends and family. Her negativity, instigating, gaslighting, verbal abuse, manipulation, berating and belitting on a daily basis stripped me bare of all the things that made me myself and I gave up.
I was able to drag myself out of that hole with the help of my ex-husband, my son, and a lot of hard work on my part. Everyone needs help though.
Its awful! Between the trauma from my childhood and now having to be there for him when he wasn’t there for me is almost unbearable. The latest thing is that he won’t always wear a pull-up because he doesn’t want to and it causes me to have to change the linens on his bed several times per week at times and dealing with soiled clothes. If it were not for this forum and a few good friends and a family member, I couldn’t make it
We can’t do this job alone. We need help, either from an agency or a facility.
There is one lady who helps out but she also has another job. I’m searching for other help. I looked at myself in the mirror and I don’t even look the same. My eating habits are terrible because I often “stress eat” which has caused weight gain. Most agencies are very expensive but something is going to have to be done.
I went to a GFS house one day, she showed me something she made. I was so jealous, that other people can find time to do things for themselves and I can't. So I made a promise to myself to make that time.
Sometimes I stop for a while go backwards, kick myself and start again finding time for myself
Much of the time I don't even want to , until I push myself for a while. Then when I do I'm always glad I did. I think of it as part of my mental health. Last winter I taught myself how to knitt. Well I got one scarf done. But all it took was inexpensive knitting needles and yarn and YouTube.
So absolutely find something you enjoy, that is just for you, even a long bubble bath, even if you have no interest, do it anyways and see if the Interest comes back.
Good luck.
I will definitely have to make myself start doing things I use to enjoy before I lose my mind. I have several books to read but lately, I can’t focus.