I am keeping most of the valued jewelry and heirlooms but also plan to give some to relatives and family friends. As for donating to charity, it's comforting to know that others can benefit; just difficult seeing my LO not enjoying the things she used to.
I now have some of the lamps that were my parents, and I donated my own that had no real value to me. I did that with other items, and it worked great.
Yes, there will be times when I wished I would have swapped out more. I loved my parent's dining room set, but I had my sig-other's set from his previous home and I just couldn't bear to ask him if I could swap it out.
Oh I had some guilt, but then I had to think that someone else has fallen in love with that item they found at the Goodwill store :)
My Dad is a hoarder. Although there are some treasures from my grandparents, the rest is overwhelming and at times I would love to pile it all up and strike a match.
But remember just because something was precious to someone else, does not mean it is of value to you. Just as we pass along our children's clothes and toys as they outgrow them, so do we pass along the things our loved ones leave behind.
But why guilt? Guilt is for those who have done something wrong. If Mum has moved into care, she no longer needs those things. If she has passed, your memories are in your heart and mind, not things.
Think too about how these things can help the next person. Perhaps a young man will buy a second hand ring and propose to his sweetheart? Her clothes will be appreciated at a local charity shop or shelter. Her furniture can help a family who has lost their home.
When my husband died, I went through his closet and drawers, and thankfully was able to give the majority of his clothes to my son-in-law, and 2 grandsons. Even my daughter took a few pieces of his clothing along with my son. It makes my heart happy now, when I see them with one of my husbands items on. As far as his jewelry, I don't think I will ever be able to part with that(not while I'm alive anyway)as I enjoy wearing some of it myself, and it's too expensive to just give away.
And please like others have suggested, make sure that you are keeping for yourself some of the "cherished" items, so you have something to look at to remind you of your LO.
It's always difficult to clean out a loved one's apartment; I had to do it for my parents when they went into Assisted Living. I couldn't even conduct an estate sale b/c the building wouldn't allow it, so I had to call the Salvation Army to come and pick everything up! I did save the clothing, jewelry and cherished items though, and have most of it at my house; the clothing my mother has and some of the costume jewelry. I have the good stuff in my safe.
Wishing you the best of luck sifting through the mementos and keeping what you can.
I mentioned the dozens of coffee cups and my plan to donate them. she immediately told me I had to keep her happy face cup. Back when she was little her step granny would make her cocoa in it. So I will make sure I do not toss the happy face mugs.
I see all my mother’s and father’s treasures. Some make me laugh. Others bring sadness. Overall I see two lives that although not perfect did the best they could. Lives well lived.
As far as belongings. Family got what they wanted first.
I am giving what they do not want away. I call it a blessing.
Some I put out on the driveway with a free sign.
With the pandemic I felt if it will give just a little joy to someone’s life during this time that it’s a good thing. Lots of smiles as people got what they wanted. Some things I took to a charity resale shop. My belief is let someone else love and use it. The item gets new home. It brings someone joy. And at the same time honors my parents. God’s bless to you.
My daughter, however, is the opposite and cannot let go of everything. So we all vary in this. I agree very much that it is a joy to leave things for others to love and enjoy.
All of our lives my brother and I had collections of things. We would buy and sell often in a collective. Had fun with it. But in the end it is all stuff.
If you have access to Netflix consider watching a few episodes of Marie Kondo. She is a joy at teaching you about items, what they mean, how to let them go with thanking them for the memories they represent to you. I can still see my Mom leaning over me to tell me goodnight on her date night with my Dad. I can smell the tabu perfume and see her jet or amber beads twinkling at her throat. I don't need the beads (tho my daughter feels she DOES, ha ha) to see my Mom. She remains with me so long as I live.
Don't worry about guilt. You aren't a felon, I assure you. It is the other G word you are dealing with now, grief. I wish you healing and joy in memories.
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