My mom (mild dementia/COPD) has reduced smoking to once per day, outdoors. She will need a greater level of care one day. No memory care units here admit smokers.
Is it better to let the transition take care of access to smoking? Or should this be a goal we are working toward now in order to get her good care later? She is already grieving loss of her home, alcohol, and driving. I don't want to get into a power struggle about smoking at my home.
Unless smoking cessation is something she desires right now I would leave it alone.
My grandmother was a no filter camel smoker - yea the hard stuff. She went into a facility and they did not allow smoking - she just stopped. I remember visiting her and she never smoked again. This could happen to your mom - If I were in your position don't tell her don't bug her just let it happen. Telling her bugging her will only upset her. Blessings to you and yours.
Of course, your mom is grieving her many losses. I bet she looks forward to her ‘one’ cigarette per day.
I know that you don’t want to add to her stress or sadness. This doesn’t mean that you can accommodate everything that she desires.
The most important thing is to help her with what she truly needs.
My oldest brother (deceased) smoked like a chimney. I have horrible allergies and asthma. I never allowed him to smoke in my car or my home. He went outside to smoke.
They always placed a patch on my brother when he was in a hospital. I don’t remember if he had one on in his hospice facility.
I remember a time when I took my brother to the ER and he was in the triage area. He lit up a cigarette! I nearly died. I told him that if he didn’t put it out, I was leaving immediately. He reluctantly put out the cigarette.
Don’t compromise with your mom on things that bother you. She will adjust. She may be a bit cranky about it, which is normal. Everyone gets a bit cranky at times.
My daughters used to tell their friends when they had sleepovers to wait until I had my coffee before attempting to start a conversation with me. LOL 😆 I frequently heard their friends say, “My mom is the same way.”
Best wishes to you and your mom.
I hope you lose your options as easily as you expect others to. But from what I understand of these things, your traits will only grow worse, in your decline.