Has anyone successfully implemented self care?
I’ve found that I have much less energy to give in other aspects of life like my research or programs I manage at a nonprofit. Once I stop being able to speak competently in full sentences, I know I’m close to burn out, and it can take weeks of relaxing and doing nothing to feel normal.
Obviously, I’d like to avoid this. Websites are full of self care advice, and yes, meditation, baths, massages, yoga... all sound lovely. But most are not what I can see myself actually doing, especially long term, to keep myself healthy. I keep my mornings low key and try to sleep in. I regularly pray. I try to be gentle with myself. But, it’s not enough. Watching movies and scrolling Pinterest does not seem to help.
Has anyone successfully added self care to their routine? What you do?
27 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Feeling burnt out as a caregiver what should I do?
- My siblings don’t support me in all the aspect of caring for elderly parent. Any advice?
- Feeling trapped 7 months in to caring for my father during COVID - losing my marriage, home, job, identity...how to set boundaries?
- Thank you for your article. However, in this current state of C-19, how can you find respite care with most things closed & in-home isolation?
I need to implement this more...
sounds weird, but I like to float... face down, hold my breath, let the body --- relax... my lungs are not as strong as they used to be,,,, so I come up more often for breath,,, but just floating, body 99% relaxed... feels good. perhaps I will buy a snorkel.. water is .....
I think someone in a caregroup recognized my stress. Well it was hard to miss when at the first meeting I literally cried when describing my frustrations. She was kind enough to recommend that I be on a waitlist for a caregiver respite. A former caregiver donated a spa treatment and two nights at a nice hotel along with an allowance for food. This was something I suppose I could have done for myself but literally this self care package had to be given to me for me to realize how important it was to reset. I almost cancelled out because I was not ready to leave. Arranging for a substitute and all the organizational tasks was exhausting in itself. The new experience and feeling of a mini vacation allowed me to feel me again. I vowed to relive this spa at home somehow while caregiving.
I didn't even do it intentionally, but I found I just wrote down everything that had happened each day in a spiral school notebook. I did it mostly because I have a terribly memory of what went on the day before, so I needed to keep track of what the doctors were telling us about Dad, dealing with appointments, hospice, and Mom's issues. I found I was just unloading everything on those pages each night before going to bed, and it really helped. I also carried that thing with me everywhere I went in case something just needed to be off-loaded.
I've never been one for journaling or writing down my deepest thoughts, but as I said, unloading every night made it easier for me to at least get a decent night's sleep without worrying about everything all night.
In cardio therapy after the heart bypass operation, they kept telling us about the importance of exercising. I already believed that, they just had to hold me back from doing too much too soon. I had been exercising regularly for years before the by-pass operation (going to a 6 a.m. step aerobics class, showering and then heading to work), but had developed sleep apnea, which can lead to clogged arteries. I got my first CPAP machine in March of 2005, but the damage was done, which led to my quadruple by-pass in December of 2005.
I asked my cardiologist if I could take another stress test in 2017 to see how I was doing. Everything they could test seemed very good. Healthy diet, good sleep and exercise is a wonderful combination for good physical and mental health. All my ancestors have died of heart attacks or strokes, so that is part of my genetic heritage to have than tendency, but none of them did what i am doing or had access to the procedures available to us now.
I am responsible for a friend in memory care as his power of attorney. He is 93 and shooting for 100, physically healthy, but no short term memory. He wants me to live as long as he does at least. I always tell him I am working on that. And I do want to be around for my grandkids, age 8 and 5 and continue my married life now at 55 years.
Start with simple things, like walking, and gradually scale it up by adding a few stretches and weight lifting, It takes time, but the muscles do respond. With that comes better balance and overall good feeling.
Best of luck to you.
these older women joining in made me
feel better. Apparently some of them have been doing this class for years!! I swear a few looked at
least 80!!! I called my doctor today and got some referrals for counseling...I am experiencing general anxiety that I have never experienced before. I am feeling like I need to do something NOW! I went through cancer treatment 10 years ago...was a caretaker to my husband who died 5 years ago...2 years ago I made a huge positive change in my life’s work—a childhood dream job of being an educator overseas...and then was guilt tripped to come back to care for my parents ...who really only need some assistance (but dad didn’t like paying for it). And then C19 happened. I have felt so trapped...not only physically...but emotionally as well. My anxiety over my own life’s journey is rendering me almost incapable of making life decisions. Thankfully my parents’ care isn’t much more than oversight, driving, and cooking dinner. However with the loss of income it’s added anxiety to what will happen to me! Soooooo....I have managed to pull myself together enough to make a few phone calls and start at the Y. I know self-care is important...but sometimes it is hard to push myself to do what I know I need to do!!
Jesus loves you, Jesus cares about you. He is just a prayer away. Joseph a son of Jehovah
I have lived a very challenging life and would never had made it without His help.
I had cancer last year and am still recovering. My follow up treatment exhausts me for days afterward and I am forced to rest and sleep a lot for about a week.
I've learned to not overbook myself and to say 'no'.
I 'divorced' my toxic MIL. I will never speak to her again, and that is fine.
I'm estranged from my own mother as she is the worst trigger for my anxiety and depression. I see her only when I chose to and only for as long as I want.
I'm slowly dejunking our home in the hopes that DH will be more amenable to us moving to a 'retirement friendly' home.
I sleep when I am tired and don't try to be superwoman.
I'm prayerful and adhere to my religious beliefs.
I try to not let COVID and the nation's craziness affect me. (This is HARD!)
I finally got properly dxed with a mild heart condition--which I have been treating now for a week and already feel better---
I give service when I can but not to the point of exhaustion.
Realized through all this, I do way too much for others. And when you do things for someone who didn't want the help--they aren't grateful, nor should you expect them to be.
At age 64, I'm STILL trying to figure this all out!!
"If you're a giver always looking out for others, always feeling drained because you break yourself so others can stay together, take a break from it. Add self-love and peace to your life first."
For me, self-care means taking a break; going on a vacation or even a stay-cation where no phone visits with my mother are allowed. Taking a break means taking a mental break from the 24/7 mental stress that goes along with all of this, and THAT is what's hard to do. The only thing that gives my mind some well deserved rest is not talking or interacting with my mother at ALL for a few days or a week or two at a time. Before the plague hit, DH and I would go on a vacation to Europe for 2 weeks at a pop where there was NO contact with the real world. That was my only reprieve, honestly. Now that we don't have that opportunity, I believe DH and I 'are going away for the weekend' this coming Friday and won't be back till Monday, if you catch my drift.
Wishing you the best of luck trying to figure out how to take YOUR break from all of it.
7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep,
3 nutritious meals that have the full complement of proteins, carbs, fat and vitamins,
about 2 liters of fluids - no caffeine - daily
some exercise that gets all the major muscles moving: walking. dancing, housework...
Try that for a week or 2. If you find that your still are having troubles, consider whether stress may be a problem.
Prayer, meditation, reading faith materials (I like the Bible) may help you feel connected with the Divine.
Make time for connections with other people daily. We all have differing needs for "me time" versus "we time." Consider trying to find your sweet spot on that metric.
Make time for play. Everybody needs to have fun things to do and look forward to. Try to incorporate a "Sabbath" - 1 day of the week to NOT work but spend in rest and recreation. Get a few additional hours snuck into the week to get more "R & R."
If a couple of weeks of basics and stress management don't change your energy levels, it is time to visit your doctor. Depression is the common cold of mental health issues. Also sneaky issues with hormones can also give you that "dragging feeling." I suggest start with a visit to a medical doctor whose practice is based on research and who keeps up to date. He/she can do a good physical and usually find root physical causes for your energy loss. He/She can also make a consult for good psychiatric care if mental health is a concern.
for you!
You must have time for you!
Good luck!
It's difficult to find some kind of stress-relieving activity if you've never really had hobbies, or aren't a very social person - that's me! The only other things that helped were to sit and write - either on my blog, or working on my book that I eventually self-published - or work with my photography. They're the two things I've always loved to do since I was very young, and they did give me peace, but it was difficult to maintain that serenity with the many interruptions for care duties throughout the day.
Now that Mom is in long term care, I'm able to do more of the things I enjoyed in my pre-caregiver life, like a little bit of gardening, getting out of the house to do a nature shoot, or doing research for my next literary masterpiece 😉. Even so, the caregiving has not really ended - were I able to visit Mom on a consistent basis, my life would have some structure now, and I'd be able to monitor her care much more closely, but the facility is still locked down due to the COVID and it seems that there is even more worry than before.
I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer with my tales of woe - just wanted you to know that if you're searching for self-care options and can't seem to find anything that's a good fit, you're not alone.
Actually nice that you have outside interests. Not sure of your age, but we do get where we just can't do what we used to. I wouldn't give up everything but I may cut back.
Realize too that you may not be able to care for DH longterm. Since you were a professor you may want to protect your assets. Medicaid allows for a Community Spouse and splitting of assets. Your DHs split being spent down when the time comes he needs more care than you can give. You may want to consult with a lawyer very versed in your state Medicaid to see what you can do now.
One of these things is a long binge of reading (sort of like the equivalent of streaming a whole season of tv shows at one time). And if you can cover up with a soft throw so you are warm and cozy, it works even better. I can stew and fret while watching tv or a movie, but not while reading.
The other thing that works is doing jigsaw puzzles. I get so involved in finding the next piece that I'm amazed how much time passes. And I'm also amazed at how much calmer my whole body feels.
And it's not just me that puzzles work for. Back when DH had aides coming into the home, one of the things they did was work on puzzles with him. They started with being resentful at doing them, and the next thing we knew they were showing off puzzles they had bought to do at home. And more than once an aide clocked out when her shift was over, and stayed so she could finish the puzzle they were working on!
Sorry this is so long, but one other thing that helps me is writing things out. I can type fast, so my fingers move too quickly to really censor myself, and sometimes after writing for a while I'll look at the computer screen and think--wow, where did that come from? And it's exactly what I need to know or understand or take care of right at that time. I recommend the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. She talks about the benefits of doing "morning pages", where you write about whatever comes to mind. She recommends three freehand pages every morning. But I've had good results on the computer. And I've found that if I do this every day for a couple of weeks, I feel much lighter, solutions to things start to appear, and my thinking is clearer.
When all else fails... Years ago, when I was first a caregiver, I went to a seminar where the speaker talked about going to his exercise class to help burn off stress from caregiving. He said one day he was so agitated that at certain really active parts of the class, he started yelling. And he said that in just a minute, the whole class was yelling right along with him! Sometimes quiet and peaceful just isn't enough.