Well as I wrote mum entered the facility on the 4th November. She is confused which is normal. I had her on the phone yesterday and she was fine. I went to visit her today. Just like on last Sunday she was in a very bad mood and then she started whining almost crying. She said a woman died just next to her and she was left there for a long time. This may not be true, as she is confused. But the I saw her right thumb was really swollen, it looked like an infection. I was there on Thursday and her thumb was fine. Today there was nobody to talk to, no nurse, no doctor… an assistant I asked told me the doctor will visit her tomorrow.
I also asked last week to talk to the doctor just to know how they will go on with rehab. Mum first said she isn’t doing anything, then she said she is doing a little then she said again nothing.
I know her brain is not working properly. That is why I need to ask someone. But nobody is available.
I feel terrible. I am afraid I made the wrong choice. I chose what was supposed to be the best facility and it is the most expensive. I feel like I should at least look for another one.
Once again I think I will be able to rest only when one of us dies. And I do not care if I am the one.
I am depressed I now realise it. If I take her back home I will get worse and worse but wondering if they are really taking care of her, thinking that professionals are neglecting her and that I am the one who put her in their hands is not helping either.
I feel so lost. And it feels like I have the whole world on my shoulders.
Thank you for reading me… I feel less lonely
I went to visit her. I was supposed to see her at 11.30 and as usual I was there at 11.20 to have my greenpass checked and to fill some papers as an aunt came with me.
At 11.45, my mom was not to be seen. I so asked the girl at the reception. This one had just arrived, the one who opened to me, checked the pass etc. was just staring at me... So the just arrived receptionist called the ward to see what was happening: my mum was vomiting and have diarreah this morning. So they would not take her to meet me.
I calmly told them they have a communication problem. If I hadn't asked I would probably still be there waiting.
She offered to organize a video call which I accepted.
At home (I took some hour off from work to be there this morning), I called the social worker of my town to ask what to do to move mom and I then wrote an email to the facility.
I sarcastically said I know my mom is not their only client, but they could have told me when I arrived there would have been no visit instead of staring at me waiting for me to ask...
I am really angry... with them and with myself for having believed their marketing strategy !
I thank you all for the replies, I will try to answer to everyone... but for now I want to let you know that I really appreciate your support.
I give you credit for not ripping the idiot a new one, what a mindless pos she must be.
This is really difficult but, you now have more information to proceed. That is the benefit, you know what questions to ask. I would put them in writing and require they be answered in writing, this is easily done with email.
I am sorry that it is working out like this.
They operate with the secrecy and miscommunication to family members. There's never anyone available who will actually answer a question or explain what happened when there's an incident.
The only way any nursing home will take any family of a resident seriously and not ignore them or blatantly cover up and lie through their own teeth about something, is if family members are always seen. If they are always asking questions and demanding answers. Always take pictures too. Nothing terrifies the administration of a nursing home more than pushy, rude, self-righteous family member who take pictures all the time.
You have to become a force to be reckoned with to these people. If they fear you they will respect you and your mom will get special treatment. It sounds terrible but this what families have to do. I had to when my father was in the nursing home. The place he was in had a top rating in my state for quality which is a joke because the place was a dump. They saw and heard from me all the time or from some of my kin. There were some incident before the big one, and I could see them scrambling with the a$$ covering. They knew either explain to me truthfully, or explain to the lawyer.
Also, get friendly with the aide staff. Not the nursing staff, the aide staff. They are the ones who pretty much do the hands-on work in nursing homes.
A friend's husband is currently in a nursing home for rehab and was going through the same thing. She talked to the Administrator and requested a meeting to find out what the "plan of care" was. She did get some answers (not all) and there has been some improvement in his care.
On the other hand, when I couldn't get an answer when I asked when my mom's recheck appointment was scheduled or if her surgery staples were removed, I filed a complaint with the state, which was investigated and substantiated.
Knowing what I do now, I would have probably requested a meeting first and if no improvement, I would file a complaint.