Dad was not sleeping and being feisty refusing to get in bed at night, kept rolling through the house insisting we carry him home. Then when we say we could not at the time (for reasons mentioned in another post), he would try to get out the door.
This was upsetting to me but my hubby would get factual with why he could not go home and why he had to leave our home if he didn't stop doing what he was doing. They both would end up in a yelling match only to make up later.
Due to my husband insisting we get him into a nursing home right away and bypass trying to get him into his home, I wanted to make sure he would be well health-wise wherever he ended up.
So during one of those episodes last week and at the insistent prompting of hubby to send him to hospital and then a nursing home. I called the ambulance hoping they would give him something to take the edge off. All they did was evaluate him for confusion, ordered a ct scan, and discharged him about five hours later.
Then I found what I thought was another great option for evaluation in regards to medication for agitation and sleep. We took him to that hospital and then it went horribly wrong. They were taking so long in getting him admitted that I started to have a change of heart (not a good feeling). They told me because of the issues I stated he could not be released and was being sent to a behavioural unit.
It has only been a week but now when I call to check on him attitudes are no longer positive and staff are huffy and dad still has no meds.
I'm worried and hope being in this behavior unit for something simple does not cause nursing homes (if that ends up being the end game) to not want to take him on.
That may be the case.
If, as it sounds, he is unlikely to be able to be SAFE and contented in his home, it may be time to take that choice out of consideration.
MY OWN dear LO was a significant “escape risk” in her early days in AL, and I finally had an assessment done by an amazing g geriatric psychiatric assistant who worked with the residence. Her meds were adjusted, and there was an almost immediate improvement.
You are a bright, intuitive, very caring daughter. Time to give your good thoughts a longer trial, and above all, time to relax and let your ideas enough time to play out before you change your mind again and switch to something else.
The pain when my dear LO was trying desperately to escape her lovely new surroundings was devastating to us, but from it, I learned that no solutions when dealing with elderly LOs are likely to be perfect, or even pretty good.
Seek solace in being able to keep Dad safe and as comfortable as possible. It will be unfair to you to try to do any more.
Oh, my goodness. Yes. This.
You and your husband are expecting too much from Dad. With Dementia the ability to reason is gone. His short-term memory makes it impossible to remember what you have said to him from day, minute to minute. And this WILL get worse. Processing what you say has slowed down. Arguing with him is useless.
Dementia is hard to live with because it has no rhyme or reason. What they do one day, they can't do the next. From what I read your husband has a hard time dealing with it. I would consider getting him in an AL ASAP. The sooner he is placed, the sooner he excepts it as his home.
I'm trying to understand how the hospital was able to place him in a particular facility against your will? I've heard medical staff say a person cannot return to their own home alone but he was living with you. I would think you can remove him from this location and place him in a facility of your choosing. It sounds like you need to have someone advocate for you. Can you speak with your father's doctor or a social worker? I think what I'm hearing is that it was believed placement would be quicker and easier if he were placed directly from a hospital instead researching facilities and then placing him.
Caregiving can place a strain on marriages. Sorry for what you've been going through. We had to cancel a vacation this year because we couldn't take my father and could find anyone to care for him.
They probably are giving him all kinds ofraters.
I hope someone checked him for a simple UTI which totally changes a person
Prayers.
Seems like his confusion, agitation, demanding to "go home," and acting out meets criteria for an involuntary admission to a psychiatric unit for evaluation and treatment. Yes?
The arguing between your father and husband is concerning that your father may be a case of potential elder abuse. Staff have a duty to report all suspicions.
So, you need to approach this admission from the perspective of asking (not demanding) the doctor and staff what is the problem and how can you help.
Getting problem behavior evaluated and treated actually increases your father's likelihood of being able to remain in a residential facility.
I’ve not thrown nursing homes out with the bathwater. I’m just trying to take my time and get him in a good one even if it means travel time but most love ones including my hubby are in a hurry and just want me to get it done. Kind of like the pressure I felt when getting him into that behavioral unit. My dad and mom were big pieces of my heart and I want to do right by him whether at home or in a nursing home.
I hope I’ve not set my expectations too high for dad. Most days we don’t argue and do well together but my hubby just works my nerves. As my daughter says, how can dad tell someone else to stop yelling when he’s been a yeller himself for years and can’t be reasoned with and he does not suppose to have that problem. But I have to give hubby some credit for trying to help with dad even now. He has always been there for dad when his six sons have not but he is not doing well with where dad is now.
So two facilities have his information but I don’t know how soon they would get him approved. One is in our area (rating is down now - don’t really want him there) and the next one is an hour away (decent rating). Plus he will be around all his specialist (heart, prostate, lung, and possibly a neurologist although not geriatric). No travel time will be involved like it would be if placed near me.
So now you have family upset about that idea but I feel it is about him and not about us. Why not have him where he can have access to what he needs and possibly better care even if we have to travel a bit? It would have been an honor to care for him a while longer but it’s not just me in my home.
Another thing is I’ve been trying to buy time in my home to see what the courts decide but no hearing date so far. If he does not get to go back home, I want to put his home up for sale to make sure he gets the proper care and things he needs. Once in a nursing home, his check will be gone and I’ll still have burial insurance to cover. I know how I like to see him dressed and appear cared for as he deserves. He may have not been the best dad but he took care of us.
But you can’t please everyone. Thanks for listening and holding me up, I feel so sad right now regarding dad and my body is going crazy headed for this menopause thing. Just got back from the hospital a few days ago getting a blood transfusion and I hate what they're asking me to do to not require another transfusion. I hope medicine and the procedure have advanced. Sigh!
Appreciate all of you!!!
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