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Last year, I took on a couple of hobbies. Painting, drawing and writing. I found so much joy in them. Now I just lost interest in doing anything...
Recently my sister announced she would be going to college in January. She was my biggest helper. Lately I’ve been taking on mostly all the work when taking care of my grandmother.. cooking for my family trying to keep it clean..
I really want to start drawing and painting again.. but I just can’t.
Have you ever lost interest in the things you love to do and if so did you ever find a way to enjoy your hobbies again?

Burnout Depression Family Caregiver

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This is a sign of depression. Why are you doing this for your GRANDmother? Where are your parents in this situation?

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Just an fyi: not everyone has parents, or parents that are around or parents that are capable. I know you are trying to be helpful but for those of us who never had responsible or caring or present parents, it's always very painful when someone asks us "where are you parents?". Maybe best to find out the situation first. Cheers.

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You're so young to be a caregiver!

Tell me more about your situation. Caring for grandma. Cooking for my family? Trying keep "it" clean? Where are you living and with whom? You and your parents and grandma?

What are grandma's issues? Can she be alone?

So, as already stated by PeggySue, you sound depressed. You are probably burnt out with caregiving. It is a difficult and often thankless job. And now your sister is leaving and won't be able to help anymore. Definitely reasons to be a little depressed.

You might need therapy or meds or just a break from taking care of grandma.

I'm sure you will love to draw and paint again. Sometimes you can really push yourself and "fake it till ya make it". Other times, it's just too hard and if that's the case, you really need some outside help.

Take care of yourself.

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Hello .. thank you very much for your concern and advice.
I live with my grandmother, mom dad and 3 younger siblings (16,18,21)

My grandmother is bedridden she needs 24/7 care. She can’t be alone by herself..

My mom at one point was the main caregiver to my grandmother but overtime her health declined.. So I took over for her. We are looking into a agency that would help me in the mornings with my grandmother.. I thank God for that but still no matter how hard I try to go back to the things I use to do I can’t

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I’m a writer and so know exactly what you’re talking about. To be creative takes a particular kind of energy. You have to be focused, in the zone, and free from distraction. You also have to be well rested or else you won’t be inspired. When I’m caregiving, it sucks the creativeness right out of me because all my energy goes to one thing, there isn’t any left for myself and doing what I enjoy. It also not something I can only do once a week. It has to be several times a week or all I write is crap. I lose the flow.

Now, I’m in the same boat as you. I haven’t written a word since last April - nearly a year. It makes me sad, I’m left feeling unfulfilled, and I know if I could find the time it would make caregiving easier, because it’s doing something I love that’s just for me.

It all boils down to time, and I haven’t got any. That’s just my reality right now. Even with a caregiver 3 times a week for my MIL, that just frees me up so I can go caregive my OWN parents! If you can get a PSW in to free you up some hours, do it.

Before all of this happened, I was working on my novel for 2.5 hours a day, 7 days a week, if not more. It’s not something I can pick and and put back down once a week.

I just keep telling myself that this is temporary, and this too shall pass.

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I’m going through the same challenge. I just finished an online course in creative writing and it was very difficult to get the assignments done, You’ve helped me understand my own situation.

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How has your moms health declined to leave you as the primary caregiver?
What help is your dad? He should be helping out as well.
the loss of interest you describe can be 1 of 2 things (or both)
EXHAUSTION
DEPRESSION
Anyone that s or has been a caregiver knows both, has felt both.
For the first. You need help. There are agencies that can help. You have to do some of the work though (or get mom to do it) call Agency on Aging. Find out what help is available. Contact your local Senior Center ask if they know of any programs that might help. (can grandma get out? would she qualify for Adult Day Care?) Ask to talk to a Social Worker and ask what programs they know of that would help.
Would grandma qualify for Hospice? If so you would get a nurse that would visit 1 time a week. A CNA that would come at least 2 times a week to bathe her, dress her, maybe change the bedding if needed. And they would order supplies. you would get equipment that you need to care for her safely. And you can request a Volunteer that would come in and help out. They can not do direct patient care but light housework, sit with grandma so you can get out.
I have to be honest I would not have been able to care for my Husband the way I was if it were not for the wonderful Hospice Team that I / we had.

The depression...you need to talk to someone. Talk to your primary doctor let them know what you are doing. If you need to talk to a professional do so.
I can tell you that you need time for yourself to be yourself. You are so very young you should not be bogged down as a full time caregiver.
I hope you are Journaling it will help with your writing, and sketches and doodles count as writing/journaling. Trust me journaling does help.

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Yep. I forgot to add the journaling. It really helps-done it for years. Therapy too-the right person for you, makes all the difference.

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Oh how I can relate to this. At one point I was a semi-professional artist. That is, was represented by a very good gallery, had the occasional one person show, was in group shows, I worked in museums. Semi-professional=doesn't sell much work, has to work to pay bills! But, I'd carved out a life as I wanted, and it was ok-not for everyone, but ok. Anyways, fast forward to now.....second husband has had numerous health issues over the past few years, and I noticed the light caregiving I was doing, it was draining what reserves I had left to paint. Or draw or anything much creatively. He was/is quite supportive....but.....now with dementia....I'm toast. Just can't seem to get the traction to even do simple drawings. It's so frustrating. I try to tell myself "one day this will be over, I'll be able to paint again, and it's going to be so different than what I was doing". That seems to help, but it's not easy.....
I hope this question persists here, that there will be many other people who can write about this. Thanks for letting me vent about this, been on my mind awhile.

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Thank you for your vent <3 It’s good to know I’m not alone with this..

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So your Moms in her 50s? I can understand the burn out. But I don't understand why you should be left doing all the work with 3 younger siblings. All should be given certain responsibilities to help Mom. Dad should also be helping his wife. Is this a cultural thing?

Grandmom is too much for Mom and at 23 you should be living your life. It maybe time to place Gma into a nice Nursing Home. If this is a cultural thing then I understand why that may not be an option. If she has no money, then Medicaid can be applied for.

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Thank you for your advice.. My 18 year old sister helped a lot back then but no that she’s preparing for school and working she can’t help much.
The 21 year old I can not rely on.. she gets angry a lot and the 16 year old isn’t really of help either..
I don’t mind taking care of them. I believe God wants us to serve others especially our family. Just the lack of help I have really annoys me. I can’t rely to much on anyone so I just do things myself.

My dad works but he complains about making my grandmother breakfast. So of course I don’t want to rely on him either

We have been getting some help from relatives.. it’s a blessing yet my grandmothers kids some are bitter.

I don’t want her to go to a nursing home.. I don’t really trust them much but if that have to happen one day then it has to.

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I can understand your situation.   Have you asked other family members to pitch in and help since your sister will soon (if not already) be a student?   You shouldn't be taking on "mostly all the work".   What other members could be involved, and is there a reason they aren't?

As to art work, the muse can be fickle.   Sometimes it thrives on stress. I did most of my portrait drawings when I worked as a court reporter, and often came home very stressed after hearings for difficult and disgusting defendants.   It wasn't unusual to spend hours at night just sketching.   It rechanneled the tension from work and seeing how frightening some criminals can be.

If you don't have the energy, and I understand that, what about viewing and observing art work that normally would inspire you?   I lost interest in quilting for some time, then found some old Keepsake Quilting catalogues.   In reviewing them for anything (such as landscape quilts), I found my interest regenerating itself.   Even if you don't have the stamina for artwork now, keep a collection of photos that inspire you, for later.

Listen to favorite music as well; it'll help you to relax and think more creatively, especially if you review art work that inspires you.

Something else I did was to buy coloring books that weren't subject to copyright.   I Xeroxed them onto good quality paper, and made holiday cards from them, gradually improving my limited use of colored pencils.   A good art book with advice on shading really helped.

Set aside some "me time", and try to network with other local art groups. I discovered the Colored Pencil Society of America, met members and was amazed at their skills. All of this arose when I met one member at a nominally priced art group that met at the infusion center where my sister got chemo and rads.    All of the members had some relation to cancer, so there was that bonding that helped as well.

Ariadnee makes good points about historical periods offering inspiration.   I'm always amazed at the diversity of beautiful music created in periods when life was so much more challenging at a basic level.

You also wrote that "...no matter how hard I try to go back to the things I use to do I can’t".   I would disagree; I know how demanding it is to care for someone; it takes a lot of mental energy to find coping methods.   But unless you can't do something you used to do b/c of physical changes (i.e., such as getting old),there are other ways of "going back."   I think the question more is "how" than "can I"?

One group of people who always inspire me are wounded soldiers, many with lost arms or legs.   Their injuries and recoveries often seem insurmountable. Yet they try, and keep trying.

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what a great answer :).

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I am a quilter. There is nothing I would rather do than cut big pieces of fabric into small pieces, then sew them back together in large pieces. For the past 2 1/2 years, I could not get excited about sewing. Every day, I would get up, go into the living room and look at my sewing machine. Then grab a book and quilt and make myself a nest on the sofa and not budge.
All my fellow guild members would ask what I was working on and I would just shrug, say I just couldn't get motivated,even though I have enough fabric to last me at least another 50 years.
My good friend (also a quilter) whose hubby had PD and DM ( she's the one who told me to set a timer for 30 mins and have a pity party, then go wash my face and get on with my life), finally got tired of hearing me, told me to just go sit at the machine and sew something, anything,scraps etc. Just do SOMETHING sewing related. And it worked. And I am sewing and I feel so much better.
So,my advice - just pick up your sketch pad and look out the window and draw. Or draw your pet sleeping. Or just slap some paint on a canvas. It doesn't have to be or mean anything. Let your muscle memory take over and you will feel better. HUGS to you all.

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Thank you so much ma’am for your advice !

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Having read through all the answers, this is what I think.

It is not a bad thing to start considering a nursing home. If something happens to you, that is exactly where Grandma is going to go since no one else in your home is capable or willing to carry the load.

I'm sure it has been drummed into your head (as is my case), "If you want to be great in God's kingdom, learn to be the servant of all." (That's actually a poor paraphrase of Mark 10:43. but that's the way it is taught to children.) But let's look at the story of Mary and Martha. Who served? Martha, she was the one who took care of everyone and everything. But who did Jesus say had chosen the better thing? Mary, who sat with Jesus and his other followers listening to what he spoke.

So the choice, to me is -- Do I want to be great in God's kingdom? Or do I want to choose the better thing? You know what? I really have no interest in being "great" in God's kingdom! I just want to be in the presence of the King! Sometimes I am in the presence of the King while I am serving. Sometimes the serving has to stop when it becomes too all-encompassing or when the joy in serving is gone.

When I lose my desire to serve (willing heart) and start to feel more like a slave (obligation) then it is time to step back and ask God what he is saying. Do I need an attitude adjustment? Or do I need to let go and move on?

Have you taken on a burden or responsibility that perhaps God didn't give you? Just something to think about. (Sorry for getting preachy!)

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I think it's funny how you brought up the story of Mary and Martha. Guess what my name is? My MIL is the person I take care of and she is constantly reminding of things I need to do while she lays on the couch. I finally had enough when she asked if I had fed my very precious dog (who I rescue first quite frankly). I asked if she remembered that story. She said she did and I said that for once in my life, I would love to be Mary!
We do have care come 3x a week for 2 hrs but some days are worse than others as all of you know. All you can do is to ask God for strength, grace and a little peace.

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I’m not sure if this would work for you but I have a small group of friends and we do art prompts every week via text. We have a list of themes for the month, and share everything we do via text. It’s very affirming and fun, and then we get together once a month or every other month someplace to draw/paint. I also take virtual classes and do webinars which is a great way to keep up with art, learn new things, and do so in a convenient manner. Some of the classes such as with Domestika, are ones that you do at your own pace.

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Hi there

I too really enjoy my painting..... also hit a bad patch and lost my mojo but here's the thing.

I find that if you pick up a paint brush.....do not plan your piece.....just let the brush do the work and you'll be amazed what transpires.

I did this and wow. It just happened, my inspiration came back because I saw that my soul could create without my mind being involved.

The piece was amazing and probably the best I've ever done.

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Time to consider art appreciation to first get interest sparked and the juices flowing. New mediums to explore. Digital options. Photo restoration of old family photos. Use an app on your device like iColorama to take photos and “paint” in them. If you prefer traditional mediums you can your phone to experiment with composition for future sketches. If you do oil, try a small watercolor tablet to explore washes, tints and the intricacies of preparing the paper.

Seemingly unrelated: new beautiful puzzles with gorgeous color and amazing detail. As an artist, the subtle color variations give you an advantage. The details stimulate the desire to try some sketches and the compositions might give you some fresh ideas.

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During the pandemic I ordered some yarn and taught myself to knit. I had previously only made some small things, and not very nice things. A friend of mine had sent me a kit to make something small and it turned out great. So I thought while I have free time I will sit down and learn. To my amazement I was able to knit larger things. Now that I am back at work I'm still knitting but smaller things that can go in a bag. You might get some smaller sketch books or write in a journal. You might think about how to reframe your interest so that you can still care for your grandmother and draw or write.

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My art went on the way back burner when I had to just focus on earning a living, so for quite some time my creativity went into the businesses I was managing and helping to build in the spa industry. It was rewarding but not in the same way as spending time in my studio. The 'practical' things take a different kind of mindset than the creative activities, in a sense it's like 'right brain' and 'left brain' kinds of focus. I didn't feel I could carve out time to just putter in my studio, even tho my soul longed for that; I think even simple 'handwork' feeds us in that way. Because of your caregiving commitments you may feel depleted but even keeping a small sketchbook may give you some balance. You could even treat your artmaking/hobbies as a 'job' where you have a 'schedule' and have to 'go to work' even if it's just 'part time', like even just a half hour a day...put it on your schedule! Even if you just sit and look at your art supplies, the Muse will come back to you by making that space. Let your other family members know that 'I have to go to work now' so that they take up any slack in the caregiving; it will be a way for you to build in Respite for yourself, a very important component of caregiving so you don't burn out. Some people do 'morning pages' where they sit down first thing in the morning and write anything that comes to mind, for at least two pages. And maybe put some of your work where you see it all the time to remind yourself that your hobbies/artwork is part of Who You Are, always there for you, part of what makes you You. Even in my most 'workaholic' days my art supplies and equipment were prominent in my home, helping me remember that the paying j.o.b. was not my whole identity. All the best. Feed your spirit!

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Yes! I was a professional textile designer and took on the sole responsibility of dad when my mom passed away. For a long time I did nothing and it really bothered me. I decided to do small projects at night and would work in spurts. I’d be active for a while and then stop. I never beat myself up during the inactive times, I just let myself rest till I was ready again. Pinterest was a great help as I’d get ideas for projects from looking at other’s work. I’ve been very active this year snd no longer feel stuck. You’ll get there. If you really want to do it there will be time. Start small.

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Your lack of interest and motivation sound like you are experiencing some depression at having to take on more of the workload for your family. Rather than approach your drawing and painting and writing as isolated escapes from daily life, use them to express the frustrations, concerns, joys and love of what you ate doing every day. Painting might require more prep and clean up time than you have right now and drawing might feel too rushed, but, if nothing else, you can write even in short bursts about the ups and downs of any given day. You do not need to write "The Great American Novel" every time you make notes. Any writing is good practice and "journaling" gets thoughts and worries out of your head and onto a piece of paper.
If you have art materials you can use in short bursts, you can do the same thing with your painting or drawing.

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You need to take some time off for you.

Your question implies that you aren’t getting enough relief. Even if you don’t engage in hobbies, just yet, you need to be able to “regroup.”

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Thank you ma’am. Yes I was thinking of telling my mom about this. I haven’t had a break in a very long time

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I want to thank you all so very much for your wonderful and helpful advice. I was reading some of your comments to my mother and she agreed with many. You all are so sweet. Thank you so much for your concerns and love. I adore this support group so very much. I hope that the advice I received will help others who struggle a bit with this. God bless you all :)!!

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I suspect several factors are stopping you. First you may be physically, as well as mentally, exhausted - get some sleep without limits for a few days. Do NOT do anything for anyone during this time. Second, try to find a caretaker or someone who can relieve you of some of the burdens. Third, consider the time has come for placement so you can have a life. I was an artist before but living in a studio apartment in a assisted living makes it impossible to do oil paintings. So I found a new medium - PRISMACOLOR PENCILS - this is new and extremely popular. These are wax pencils and you use them with adult coloring books. They can be absolutely gorgeous once you know the blending and shading techniques and they are something you can be proud of - they are beautiful. I do this all the time now and my friends want to start selling my work. It is the best thing I did in a long time. Please look into this.

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sounds very nice!! :) :) :)

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I also think Maple3044 has given you good advice. Make sure you have a workspace that is just for you. Start small, even sweeping your workspace and touching your tools is a good start. Engaging with those things again will help restart the process.

Of course, you need to make yourself a priority and be rested. Look at your quality of sleep, as well as whether you are taking on too much caregiving and need more support.

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Petrasmall12: Imho, perhaps you are experiencing some depression, e.g. the lack of interest in what you previously found fulfilling may be an indication.

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Have you had a medical checkup? At the beginning of this year I struggled to get up in the morning, had no energy to do anything. I finally spoke to my GP and she ordered a blood test that revealed a potentially serious thyroid disease. It is now well controlled on a minimal dose of medication and I am feeling pretty good most days.

My sister had problems with anemia that turned out to be Lyme disease! Get a physical to rule out any organic issues, then if nothing shows up talk to your doctor about seeing a therapist. These 2 years have been hard on everyone. Good luck!

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Seems you may have lost your mojo since you are tired with taking on all the caregiving. Try finding extra helpers: family, friends, members of faith community, local resources... and paid help. You know that you have found enough help when your find your energy levels up and your creative juices starting to flow again. In the meantime, make time to do things you enjoy. You can always sketch to do studies for those future paintings.

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Hey there. Yep, I have been a crocheter most of my life, and I lost a lot of interest in it after a while because I only really ever made blankets and scarves. I actually looked up videos on Youtube about different methods of crocheting and different patterns and whatnot, and that really helped. I found a video on how to make crocheted flowers, and now I make area rugs and scarves and things like that out of the flowers, and they're beautiful. I would suggest going on to youtube or something similar and maybe looking up drawing/painting with different materials, in different ways, or maybe taking an online or in-person class to meet with other people who have that same interest. Good luck :)

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Hey! This is one thing I can help with! Do not beat yourself up. Drawing and painting are gestures to the world. Sometimes we want to do that, sometimes we're locked in ourselves. Try doing some other kind of expression. Sit down at a keyboard. Doesn't matter if you actually play piano. Just sort out some music notes. Or any other instrument. Put a drawing tablet and a piece of charcoal on your table. Forget about it. Write a few lines, pretending they're a haiku. Put on a piece of music you enjoy and strut around telling yourself you're a choreographer. Don't beat yourself up. It'll come back. Put a paintbrush in your hand, and turn on Mozart, so that you can conduct with that paintbrush. And take short walks outside. This too shall pass.

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It sounds like you have caregiver burnout. This happens to people all the time who are caregivers and don't get enough respite or help. Especially when it's a young person constantly with an elder. Their negativity and complaining rub off on a person and they just give up on life. It happened to me.
Stop being your grandmother's full-time caregiver. Bring in outside help and cut your hours with her down to one or two days a week. If your family is disagreeable to this plan, tell them to go pound sand.

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Checking back in....weeelllll.....I've set up a still life and have been photographing it. At least it's a start. Feels odd, in light of everything else going on here, but not doing anything creative is not a good feeling either.
Husband's dementia has been ok-not too bad.....nice to have a couple of quiet days.

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So great to hear you started a little something ! The other day I made a little craft with dried flowers. It was relaxing :)!! I bought some colored pencils the other day also. I usually work with watercolor and gouache but I’m really starting to enjoy colored pencils as well !

I tried something simple. Boxes! I drew boxes and some other things around the house. It was nice :) it made me feel a little bit better

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Caran d'Ache is one manufacturer of water soluable color pencils, a bit pricey, but the color selection is really good and they wet/work up very quickly-easily, unlike other brands. A nice variation on these kinds of pencils. Old illustrators used them with their gouache and regular water colors all the time. Great to read you're having a bit of fun now.
Feeling a little bit better is sooooo much better than feeling worse! Good for you!

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