I have never been close to my mom, before she started with Alzheimer's she favored my brothers more than me and made it known how she was so proud of them. When she needed to move in with someone they all came up with an excuse as to why she couldn't live with them. She is totally dependent on me and my husband. It is really hard on my marriage as I am disabled and I am the one who has to take her everywhere. Since her Alzheimer's she has totally changed towards me. She wants a hug all of the time and wants to follow me everywhere I go. Everyone says I should be glad she is still around and to enjoy my time with her. I can't change the way she treated me in the past and I am doing my very best to make sure she is well taken care of but deep down I resent that I am the one who has to care for her. Can anyone else tell me if they feel the same way?
Be reasonable with yourself. Think carefully about what you are going to be able to live with. Because, you see, the standard counsel would be to detach your emotions from the day-to-day caregiving, and look on your mother as an older person who needs help. But not everyone can do that, sometimes the baggage is too hard and too painful to let go; and if for you this is too much then it is time for the family to think again about your mother's care plan. You cannot be forced to take care of her in your home, not by anyone, no matter how pious they care to be about it.
Imo, eventually your mom is going to need a facility. It's going to be much easier if you move her earlier in the d isease process when she's got some ability to adjust.
This is not a " it's not what mom wants". This is a matter of your survival.
When the dark times come and there seems to be no light
And you know the tunnel is long and fraught with pain
Feel blessed to be the one chosen to care but dont take fright
For your role is to care
When the words are so harsh, they drill into to your brain
Hold on to the belief you are doing your best
Stand tall when you look in to the bathroom mirror tonight
It is time for that rest
To care for a person is a humane thing to do
To ensure their health and welfare are safeguarded
But its not a role that you alone have to continue
PS you’re not fainthearted
The pain will go away, tears will stay close but love remains
The storms have come and gone, the floods at an end
They are in safe hands now and its time to relax
Rest peacefully my friend
Get help for the anger - it's not your husband's fault and you need to get your marriage stability back - if not he wins and he must NEVER win.
Older people do not seem to understand that it is not water under the brdge as my mother would like to call it. It is still a torrent that bubbles beneath the surface and his presence is making it a flood you are not in control of - but you can be xxx huge hugs darling xxxx
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