Hello Team,
My mom has been in a nursing home for almost a year. It began as a rehab b/c the ambulance driver broke her arm. From there, it went downhill. She got Covid, Pneumonia, CDif and more. She survived it all but cognitively is forgetting everything. I am POA and health care proxy. For the past year I have been running around like a chicken with no head, getting documents and meeting requests. I finally revoked my POA b/c they send unrealistic demands (asking for a multitude of documents today, due tomorrow). I really have been so cooperative traveling from my state to my mom's to help. I received very "accusatory and guilt full" emails blaming me for ridiculous things and asking me to send up my mom's checkbook. They've already stated she needs a conservator and has no ability to do any accounting activities. Can they require me to send her checkbook? (The Checkbook also has MY name on it, which I want removed). Eldersource sent an email saying "I think you can send your mom the checkbook" Aren't they supposed to protect my mom?? Any advice would be more than appreciated. Thank you
"They've already stated she needs a conservator "
Who is "they" - nursing home staff?
And Worried is right; only your mother as creator of a POA document can make changes. You're still her proxy.
I handled all Moms stuff when it came to placing her in LTC. She had enough in her bank account to private pay 2 months. That gave me time to apply for Medicaid. I sat with a caseworker and he took me thru the process and gave me a list of info he needed to complete the application.
I will assume here that the Nursing home is applying for Medicaid. Medicaid asks for a lot of paperwork. The main thing 5 years of Bank Statements. Then any assets Mom has need to be cashed in. Life insurance policies with cash in value need to be cashed in. I was selling Moms house so they wanted proof of that. I took the insurance cash in and prepaid Moms funeral. Needed to prove that. Before Medicaid kicked in, I had to prove her bank account was under the 2k allowed. I allowed the NH to become payee for SS and her pension. The home does not have the authority to get this info. You needed to do it.
Your Mom is cognitive enough to write checks? Call her bank and ask that you be removed from her account. Mom may have to call and request that u be removed too. Once they confirmed you are off the account, order new checks and have them sent to Mom.
I truly understand what goes into being a POA. I was my Moms and now my nephews. But you have left Mom high and dry. If she is having problems handling her finances, you have left her to the mercy of strangers. I may call her County's Office of Aging and see if they know how to go about getting her a Conservator. Or, even the County Clerks office because it involves a Court hearing. I know this may sound like a guilt trip. I don't mean it to be but just be aware, a stranger will be handling your Moms financial decisions. Eventually someone is going to be needed to make her health decisions too. You will no longer have any imput in her care. Its OK if thats how you want it. It all gets overwhelming and we all don't have the best relationships with their parents. Just want you to make the best decision for you.
As to the checkbook, yes, it should be easy to have your name removed. If you have any money in that account, you should not really have melded that money with your Moms so I hope you did not. I am not certain you can at this point withdraw any money out of that account and would consult the bank but you can take your name off of that account and then have them print new checks and send to the Fiduciary. I would watch who you send things to. It should be the new guardian, not just anyone from nursing home to anywhere else.
I sure wish you good luck and hope you'll update us.
Have you yet been contacted by any newly appointed Fiduciary? You need a copy of their documents OR you can supply then with the bank account information and let them do their work on their own. Don't communicate further with anyone about finances and etc and inform anyone calling that your Mom is under "Guardianship of the State now" and that you are no longer her Guardian or her POA and cannot act in any way.
Fact is, we’re all treated pretty much the same. Your situation is very similar to mine.
I have wanted to revoke my POA a few times, but didn’t.
Fact is, the nursing home wants to be paid, and to have the legal right to treat your mom or not to treat her.
If I were receiving “accusatory and guilt full” communications, or passionate love notes, or anything in between, I’d be “feeling” the same way about them, I’d approach them one at a time, do what I could do for as many of them as I could, and then I’d forget them.
If I had questions about legal stuff, I’d find an elder care and/or family care specialist, take that lawyer a list of your questions, write his fee against your mother’s account, and do what is the legal minimum to take care of your mother.
You don’t get any extra credit for suffering with this stuff.
I am responsible for my LO’S bills, and since I love her as well, I take care of anything I can to make her as comfortable and happy as possible, not much since
she too has suffered 2 Covid infections and CDiff in the last ten or so months.
Since you’ve resigned your power of attorney, it would seem to me that you have even less, perhaps NOTHING, to do on your mother’s behalf.
SO- LAWYER UP.