Heard from a friend today that he oversees his aunt who has 2 sons living in another area, but have nothing to do with her. She is in her late 60's has congestive heart failure, but because of her sons, knows nothing about any insurance, Medicare or medicade. He is doing this out of the goodness of his heart, but desperate needs legal and other help. He cannot even get her any in home care which she needs because of the legalities and her sons. Any information anyone can give me to help him, I will appreciate it.
1. What exactly is involved in "overseeing"? Is he providing medical, semi-medical, financial care? Help with homemaking?
2. How well do you know this friend? Are you in touch regularly? Is this the first time he's mentioned this? How long has he been caring for his aunt?
3. The two allegedly nonparticipatory sons who "live in another" area - as in how far away from their mother? Five miles? 10? 100? 1000? Maybe they're simply not close enough to be involved.
4. The woman "because of her sons, knows nothing about any insurance, Medicare or medicade." This raises a red flag to me. Why would she not be able to learn about these topics b/c of her sons?
If they have no contact, how are they preventing her from ordering materials, calling, or other forms of research as to what insurance coverage is available? This just doesn't make sense to me and makes me wonder if your friend is skewing his comments in favor of himself and against the son.
5. No mention is made of her financial situation. What kind of legal help does he or she need? Estate planning? Medicaid consultation? Is she able to pay for this help?
6. He can't get her in home care b/c of legalities and her sons. This is a tougher issue.
Who determined she needs in-home care? If your friend is "overseeing" but feels she needs this care, I'm wondering how involved he is, how he's making this determination, if he's working himself and has his own funds, if he's living there with her....what is the situation?
If her sons are proxies pursuant to a nonspringing POA, then he has no authority to make any decisions or manage her finances. This may be what you're referring to, that he wants to do so but is prevented b/c of lack of legal authority.
7. I think you're a very concerned, sincere person, but I would hope that you know this friend very, very well before becoming involved even in finding assistance. Something about this just doesn't seem right; there have been a number of similar posts of people attempting to intervene in a family situation, and it's difficult to sort out the real truth of whether the intervention is needed or just deliberate.
If I were you, I'd ask for a lot more detail, and definitely do not get involved in offering any advice or in any other manner that could drag you into a family feud. The brothers could turn against you if they thought you were meddling.
On the other hand, if he really does need help:
1. Legal help whether in estate planning or elder law practices, is easy to find. Is he seeking guidance on selection or on paying for legal services?
2. What other help does he/she need, besides in-home care? More specifics would help people offer more tailored suggestions.
3. What are her limitations? Can she walk? Is she bedridden? How much care she needs makes a big difference in the level of intervention of a nephew.