Follow
Share

My aunt, my father's sister, had him sign a POA in October and in Jan. he was treated for dementia. He has now been placed in assisted living by my aunt, who lives hundreds of miles away.
I was taking care of him for almost a year and my aunt was sending $800 a month to pay for food, etc. but it was not enough. She always denied sending us more money.
Last week, my father got disoriented and decided to strike me with his cane. I called 911 and they took him to a hospital because he was out of control. Now since then, my aunt has placed him in a home and told them not to let me see him.
I want to file for conservatorship, but don't have much money. Do I have any chance of getting my father out of the home and back in his home so I can continue to care for him. I believe my aunt is also misappropriating his money, but don't know how to prove that.

I need help ASAP. Thanks in advance!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

23 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
A POA can be revoked by a judge in surrogate's court. I doubt that you would get conservatorship given what has happened. Judges also avoid appointing someone who would be dependent on the ward for a place to live.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
poa does NOT have the power to take a constutional right also a patient right away from a person.
Probably if you made complaint to Dpt Children and Families regarding mis appropiation of funds. He probably would end up with court appointed guardian.
You could petition for visitation. make a complaint that the nursinghome is dening right to visitation.ADA Advocacy to not be i to have visitors.
They may try and insinuate he is a danger to you.n secluusion to visitors.
I suggest you consult with an advocacy attorney. try legal aid.
If he has a guardian . A court appointed guardian can keep you from visiting.
Try a phone call he has that right also. If he requests your presence then nsg home has to comply. even with dr order no visitors it can be gotten around if he requests you to visit.
did he have an infection that could cause that type of behavior.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Unless you can prove your father was under duress when he signed the POA for your aunt to act on his behalf, you probably will be wasting what little money you have. Your aunt probably doesn't want you hurt again with a cane and/or she thinks you provoked the incident. At any rate, she has control and you do not. Unless he is on Medicaid benefits to live in assisted living, I would think $800 was a lot less expensive than a facility. Are you still living In his house? Are you afraid your aunt will sell that house or rent it to someone else? At any rate, one who has dementia cannot be "treated" for this disease. It is a terminal illness with no cures. Try to send a letter to your aunt and ask her politely if you may visit your father. It is worth a try. Do not demand, ask...
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
All the above answers can be helpful to you. Consider them and take action.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Just a comment on the difference between types of POA: Unless it was a durable POA (lasts beyond incompetence) it would become invalid with a doctors letter indicating he is incompetent to manage his financial affairs. On another note, correct me if I am wrong (other posters) but if you as his daughter file for guardianship the lawyer bills are
paid out of his assets not yours.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
i belive you are correct re guardianship. and I wasnt sure if she had a dutable clause to poa. either.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
You had better consult an Elder Care attorney about your questions and whether you can file for conservatorship and get the POA in your name. You will probably have to go before a judge and explain what happened about the cane. In most states, a child has more of a right than a sister of an Elder in regards to making decisions for a father but the attorney can help you with that. Some will even answer questions over the phone for free if they have been with your father for a long time. Doesn't hurt to try to contact them.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Do you realize the possible implications of caring for someone who has already struck you with a cane once?
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
If for any reason, you become unhappy with the person you have appointed to make decisions for you under a durable power of attorney, you may revoke the power of attorney at any time. There are a few steps you should take to ensure the document is properly revoked.

While any new power of attorney should state that old powers of attorney are revoked, you should also put the revocation in writing. The revocation should include your name, a statement that you are of sound mind, and your wish to revoke the power of attorney. You should also specify the date the original power of attorney was executed and the person selected as your agent. Sign the document and send it to your old agent as well as any institutions or agencies that have a copy of the power of attorney. Attach your new power of attorney if you have one.

You will also need to get the old power of attorney back from your agent. If you can't get it back, send the agent a certified letter, stating that the power of attorney has been revoked.

Because a durable power of attorney is the most important estate planning instrument available, if you revoke a power of attorney, it is important to have a new one in place. Your attorney can assist you in revoking an old power of attorney or drafting a new one.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
First of all, maybe I am not getting something, but I don’t think his sister is misappropriating funds at all,,,she sent 800/month! Maybe that was not enough for you, maybe that was all she could afford. I see nothing but her trying to protect her brother as YOU called 911 on him, which I don’t understand, are you kidding I would never do that to an elderly person that has dementia or other related mental problems, what I would do is consider calling nursing homes or alzheimer’s homes and start to have him placed, I mean you’re really going to arrest an elderly father? I see nothing but his sister trying to protect him from you and she is the one taking good care of him - not you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
@liebwein: unfortunately I had to call 911 on my father many times before I was able to get him placed. My personal safety was in danger. No, I did not have my father arrested, but it did get him a one way ticket to Geriatric Psych for 10 days where they were able to evaluate and treat him by adjusting his medications or treating a UTI which is what usually put him over the edge.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Ok, didn’t know how bad he was.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Liewein, I have to tell that I was told by a doctor that if my father (who suffers from Alzheimer's) ever gets aggressive that the proper thing to do is call 911, If you think your loved one has a fever or the aggressive behavior is out of the ordinary, he may need to go to the hospital. Any infection can cause aggressive behavior in an Alzheimer's patient.The patient may not be able to express to you that he/she is not feeling well. The 911 operator can evaluate if an ambulance may be needed to transport your loved one to the hospital. The police will NEVER arrest an elderly individual diagnosed with a challenging mental history such as Alzheimer's Disease.
Callen3x-Please talk to an Elder Care Attorney!!!!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Thanks to all who answered. The $800 a month was from my father's $1500 a month social security. I don't know what she has been doing with the rest and I don't know what she has done with his 300K retirement fund either. I really don't care about the money, I just want to see my father and be sure he is taken care of. I am staying in his mobile home and my aunt want's me to move after she told me I would receive the house when my father passed away.
I would take my father home and try to are for him, but if he was not happy then I could place him in assisted living and be able to visit daily.
His sister lives 3200 miles away and has not visited in the last year that I have been here. I don't think she is that concerned with my father's welfare, I think she wants his money.
I am going to file for conservatorship and see what happens. I was just wondering if I do get appointed conservator then will that override to POA? I do believe it will.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
You're aunt (or anyone) paying 800 per month for a sibling, is not typical behavior of misappropriation of funds. Think about that. You on the other hand called 911 on the very person you wish to be POA for, happens to be your own father.. that act in itself, then you even writing this post .. flags are now popped up all over your situation. I would make an off the cuff suggestion to let your aunt care for him as she is, and perhaps "think long and hard about what's best for your father. she's already shown her "care for him by sending quite a bit of money per month. People don't send money for people they don't genuinely care about ... understand that.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
...cont; Personal family member to family member dislike and or family dysfunction has no place in complicating the needs of an uncommon loved one suffering aging ailments. Again, as I've said, let his sister take care of him even from hundreds of miles away.. and you make an effort to be a caring non judge mental, non 911 calling daughter (use sensitive and correct / better perspective per incident, it could have went pretty bad for your father) for the rest of your fathers years.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
A parent with dementia, I believe, will always strike out. It is part of the disease and their misunderstanding and/or frustratration of a particular sitituation at a particular time but do have lucid moments. You probably made a mistake- now I'm just guessing- in trusting his sister. Did you suspect she might do this, I guess, bretrall (sp?) towards you in the first place?

If so take a handwritten diary of all that occurs date by date, all converations you have had and may continue to have as it may become very important to remember these things and dates they occurred to prove yourself. It's messed up to have to do this but is in your best interest.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
P.S. I never hurts to to diary things when you are in the right and it becomes easy to forget when, what sequence, etc to which things occur because it can be such an emotional process you may just become overwhelmed to reconstruct things as they occurred to defend yourself.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
By the way is he close-by to you and have lucid moments? Because he had to sign that POA. For him to rescind it and take it from her to you if you are known to be looking out for his best interests it should be evident by his statements and in your own heart and evident to doctors, neighbors, etc who's who. Have your neighbors evidenced good care of your dad for instance.... That is not a question you need to answer here just to yourself or who knew of your care for him being the right thing.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Though before I say anything more, did you honestly believe your dad was a threat of injury to you? And Again, you only have to answer that to yourself othewise my previous statements apply more so or less so. I try to keep believing in people being human in thought and spirit.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
To "callen3x" do excuse but on cell phones not all thread "updates are visible in real time, I had written my response not seeing your "explaination of funds. Now that I read your aunt is appropriating your fathers money back to him to pay for his food etc, this story can change to misappropriation if she refuses to give you statements of the spending. In order for your aunt to e receiving any monies from social security she must in his bank account? ..., is she?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
....correction; "she must be on your father's bank account… Is she?"
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Tired 1 of 4 It is HIS money not her money! She does nothing to help him from 3200 miles away. And as others said, we are told to call 911 when a dementia patient is out of control. I didn't have him arrested, I simply called for some help! They made the decision to take him to the hospital, not I.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter