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Skinonna, really interesting what you say about the car! I've noticed this with the Apple/Microsoft divide, as well; I'm developing (or half-baking, perhaps) a theory about the feminization of design. Apple is intuitive, that's why they're so blooming easy to use; maybe the new BMW is also using that kind of "do what comes naturally" approach?

Either that or the classic men's rule of "when all else fails, read the manual"?! Or, as you say, stress and fatigue making him impatient with working it out. Hope things start to ease up for you both soon.
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He's not being rational if he thinks he can rationalize things with her. Obviously, you can see that his arguing/reasoning doesn't work. When you tell her to stop griping at him, she probably stops because you're calm and because you're repetitive. I find this works really well, but that the person will keep forgetting and I just have to occasionally keep calmly reminding the person.

He's not seeing it and probably isn't going to see it. Continue to be calm and repetitive with both of them and hope for the best. Be as clear as you can with him on your part in it and don't give in. It's fine if you state there are certain ways in which you'll help but I just mean that your idea that he has to organize her care is something I think you're going to have to be firm about. I have to wonder if he's really clear on what that's going to take.
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