My parents own two homes. They are nice farmhouse with beautiful gardens and barns. They are close to one another but you do have to drive from one to the other although you can get from one to the other through a path in the woods. The one was my grandparents and became my mothers upon their death.
My parent's blood, sweat, and tears went into these homes. My grandparents home was changed to a B&B which my parents still TRY to maintain. They can't keep up with them however. Now my father broke his back. My mother had advanced RA. The homes are beginning to show wear. My parents are always crying about their finances.
Truth is, they NEED to sell one of the properties. They are going to continue to have medical bills they are going to continue to have expenses which of course are twice as many as long as they have two houses. Now, because of my father's condition they are scrambling to find someone to remove snow this season at a price they can afford. They still have clean up to be done from Sandy (the storm that hit the N.E.)
My husband and I live almost an hour away and go down as often as we can which is not enough according to my mom. My husband works almost 60 hours a week and I teach full time. I also have a medical condition.
If my parents sold off one of their properties they could afford to have more help come in and have less to do themselves. They could afford to get glasses, get hearing aides properly adjusted, etc.
The other difficult decision is that my mom should not be driving. She has RA very badly. She can't twist or see over the dash. I went to the grocery store with her and twice she ran up curbs. She has told me that people should get out of her way. She has earned the right to have the right of way. (She is a very mean person)
I don't know what to do about either situation.
The same would hold true with your mom's driving. She won't listen to you, but if you contact the DMV and let them know how your mother drives, they will likely ask her to come in for a driver's test. It sounds as though she won't pass the test.
Often in caregiving we need to call upon specialists to convince our elders to make decisions that are in their best interest. Emotions and fear can freeze them in situations that need changing. You and your husband are already doing a lot. It's time to bring in people from the outside to help you cope.
Good luck,
Carol