Live in Petersburg, Michigan. Parents are in their early 80's, Dad was just diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer, having chemo treatments now. Mom is depressed and not taking medications correctly. Both don't really want any help, but they need help. I live in Oklahoma with my family.
Unfortunately, if your parent's don't want help they're not likely to seek out help on their own. But if you could get them to agree to it ("just a little extra help around the house for a little while") you can set it up from where you live. Do your parents have anyone in town who can oversee it? In the beginning you want to make sure the aides are getting there on time and are a good fit for your parents.
I don't know if it would have been paid by her excellent State of Michigan Blue Cross coverage or some other venue available to cancer patients, but it's worth a try to contact your father's oncologist, or the social worker at the infusion center where he's getting chemo and see if they have any recommendations.
Another option is for your mother's doctor to script for home care, but that may depend on her specific situation. All of the home care my parents have had has been post hospitilization (even just a 2 night stay), so I'm not that familiar with home care under other circumstances. It might not be covered by Medicare (others here may be more knowledgeable on that issue than I am). But it's worth a try.
Some hospitals in Michigan have "Nurse Navigators" who help patients and/or their families work their way through the system to determine what's available.
The U of Michigan and St. Joseph Mercy Hospitals in Ann Arbor, north of Petersburg, are absolutely top notch. SJM Ann Arbor used to have cancer community education classes, so it's possible that they may have some helpful information on home care specifically for oncology patients.
I don't remember if we had SJM or Heartland home care after my father was discharged from an Ann Arbor Heartland SNF, but they were also top notch, so if you do have to get care on your own, it might be worth it to investigate the home care services affiliated with SJM Ann Arbor and/or U of M. It's been about 10 years since we had that home care, so I can't definitvely speak to current care, or even if they still offer this option, but it's definitely worth considering. Sometimes hospital home care is better than commercial home care.
Good luck with finding help for your parents.
Yes, Dr ordered home health is thru Medicare and/or with cancer there will be more support for your dad. Maybe Daycare at a center nearby? We have Focal Points like 4 per county here in south FL, run by Easter Seals in our case, usually a state or county thing, activities and meals and something to do besides deal with illness 24/7.... And then with help at morning and night, this fills in some gaps. Medicaid if available in FL pays for ALF care, plus Daycare and some limited (couple of hours a day) home care. There is Medicare help for those actively in treatment as some others said. Hospice often has volunteers, but they're not full time....