Help! Questioning my brother's ex-wife and her motives.
I went to my brother's funeral on March 4 this week and his ex-wife was there supposedly to support her children. Now, I am wondering what the heck was her real reason for being there. I had the misfortune of having to help write the obituary along with her. Of course, she took credit for writing the entire thing like I had no input in it at all.
On the day of the funeral, she showed up wearing a plaid short skirt with white go go boots and some strange looking glasses.
I spoke with her yesterday, and she criticized and critiqued the pastor who did the eulogy. She didn't like the way her daughter read the obituary. She said that her daughter needed to take public speaking classes and that she taught public speaking at a university. I thought my niece did a wonderful job.
The part that really threw me for a loop is when she told me she walked up to the widow (brother's second wife) at the repass and told her that she understood her ex but couldn't live with him. She told me what she said to this poor woman and then hugged her. I told her I thought remark was sarcastic. She didn't know why she said something like that and couldn't figure out the meaning until we had a conversation. I heard the repass was held at a lovely restaurant with good food. Now, this ex-wife wants to host a family reunion for my brother's family and her family. It's like everything is a competition with her.
My brother's funeral service was beautiful and I didn't see anything wrong with it. The funeral home did a beautiful job with everything. After the service was over, she walked up to me and said that the eulogy was all lies. That my brother was an immoral person and etc. She is still telling her tales of woe almost thirty years later after they divorced and even followed him to his funeral with this nonsense.
I'm finding out that people do not change when they get older, they do not change. It's like their personality gets worse than ever.
I am so over this person, and if she was not the mother of my nieces and nephew I would have no dealings with this individual at all.
My FIL died 14 years after a nasty, acrimonious divorce. MIL was furious b/c nobody acknowledged her 'widowhood'--my DH told he she wasn't a WIDOW, she was a DIVORCEE and she couldn't expect any sympathy.
His services were recorded and she asked EVERYBODY who had a copy for it so she could listen to it. She actually said to me "I heard you sang a beautiful song at L's funeral. I'd love to hear it."
All I said was "The CD of the services belongs to your KIDS. If they won't give you one, then I can't either."
She said she was terrified of what people said about HER at the funeral. I could answer with no chance of being corrected that NO ONE had mentioned her, other than to say, in the obit "Married to VKE, later divorced."
She was so obsessed with being talked badly about, she didn't even think for one second that her CHILDREN had lost their beloved dad.
She attended this luncheon/repass and she was told to go by one of her friends. She walked up to the widow and said that she will tell her what she told her daughter. And that was, that she understood her ex but you can't live with everyone you understand.
Makes no sense to me except I thought she said this to be sarcastic and just one of her stupid word play on words again. I couldn't believe she criticized her daughter reading the obituary. It was more than I could take.
Why did an ex help you with the obit? Where was the now wife.
There are people who need to be the center of attention which seems this Ex is. I will assume she is in her 70s trying to look like she is in her 20s again. She just made a fool of herself.
My brother couldn't stand his ex-wife.
The widow asked who invited that woman. I know I didn't. Her daughter asked her to write the obituary. The obituary with everybody's input was extremely long. Too long to be exact.
It is called repass repast here in the the US. It is a meal shared by family members and friends of the deceased.
Exes are allowed to attend funerals. I will probably go to my ex's funeral if I am still around. Of course, that doesn't excuse them from acting like a total nutbar.
As Dr Laura always says, just smile, be polite, and move on.
Less said the better. You don't win arguments with this sort, and they live to HAVE them.
I am glad you thought the funeral went very well, and that's the important thing. You had a large part in that last, for HIM--your brother. Don't let the others divert your attention from him, and th ehonor you paid participating.
Thank you. I've never seen a woman so disrespectful to a man who risked his life everyday fighting fires.
She was raised by a single parent and both of the girls turned out pretty weird about men.
He was a good guy and retired as Battalion Fire Chief from the Fire Dept. A lot of his former co-workers were there and spoke highly of him.
Could it be the ex-wife learned her behavior from her own upbringing? If yes, then the ex wouldn't even notice she, herself, was being inappropriate, and needed for whatever reason be the center of attention.
Just let her take credit for writing the obituary and whatever else she wants. You and the rest of the family know differently. The ex reminds me of a character one would see on a soap opera. Just smile and walk away.
I felt bad for her children seeing her dressed like that and still bashing their father's memory. She said something to her own cousin about my brother, and her cousin hung up the phone on her. She was shocked that this craziness would come out of her mouth about her ex. I think she forgot that she had three children by this man!
She met my brother was she was fifteen and he was a little older. They dated for awhile and then he was drafted. He married her a year after he was out of the service. Big mistake.
Some people really do just live in their own little world.
I hope that her children will soon be old enough that you can keep a relationship with them as their aunt, but not include their mother.
I never heard of anything so crazy except the time my Uncle J got mad at his sister in-law and threatened to stomp the hell out of her in the graveyard.