My mother-in-law lives ~7 hours away from us. We recently moved her into an Independent Living Senior building. This is part of a large campus with assisted living, memory care living and rehab available. It took some convincing to get her to leave her home and she seems to be enjoying her new living arrangements. However, as we've spent a considerable amount of time with her during the past 2 years we realize that she is suffering from worsening dementia. She's mean (totally out of character), obsessive and paranoid. She used to have a neighbor that checked on her daily, but now she's more on her own. She could hire a "companion" to visit daily, cook a meal, etc.. but refuses, saying she doesn't need it. My husband has POA and I want him to get put on her bank accounts as I don't totally trust her to keep her finances straight. There are 2 other sons in the picture but they rarely, if ever, even call her. How can we help her long distance? I'm at my wits end. Talking to her on the phone is an hour of frustration due to her hearing loss and confusion. Any info on resources would be greatly appreciated.
Yes, to getting POA. We have all of the bills (phone, dentist, doctor) come to our address. My husband writes the checks. Just have her address changed to yours.
It is common for our adults with dementia to not realize that they need more help....that's part of the dementia. I would be more concerned about the behavior changes. If you don't have MPOA, I would work on getting that, so you can be in contact with her doctor regarding your concerns.
I actually think moving from Independent to Assisted Living would be a good idea. She would have more interaction with the staff and having some meals prepared for her might get here out of her room so she could make some friends. It's nice that she is in a place with a continuum of care. Best wishes!