I am nearly 74, female, and have had arthritis all of my adult life. The disability level is about 85%.My husband, who has been doing his best to provide for my needs is getting to the point where we will be seeking in home help several hours/days weekly.
We have private health care insurance, and as far as we know, do not qualify for government assistance.
How did you go about learning the ins and outs, what mistakes did you make, how would you change what you did if you could?
With your doctor's order, you can get a wheelchair (for each of you if you both qualify), hospital bed, oxygen, in-home nursing care, home doctor visits instead of going to the office, podiatrist home visits every six weeks...all (and more) paid for by Medicare and your supplement. Mom gets each one of these things and pays nothing. She has both parts of Medicare and a Blue Cross Blue Shield supplement. Your doctor can fill out paperwork so you can get a handicapped sticker or plates through your Dept of Motor Vehicles.
There's Meals on Wheels, of course. In our area, the suggested donation was $5 per day (5 days a week). The Council on Aging also had her qualified for a housekeeper twice a month for two hours; cost $14 per visit. She also qualified for a $1,000 annual stipend from an arm of the Council on Aging for in-home caretaking. In our area, the going rate is $22/hour.
There's lots of things out there. (Mom didn't qualify for a whole LOT because she owns a home and has significant assets. So the things she does qualify for, everyone who does their homework can qualify for.)
I wish you well. And you are a very smart lady!!
Another place might be visiting an AL or care center, even senior centers and ask around. You may learn of CNAs or home nurses that have taken care of someone else's loved one and that elder then required more care or other. Anyway, you might luck into finding a caregiver that someone else had good experience with and can give you a personal reference. Another idea might be to touch base with your local hospice center and see if they can recommend or provide a caregiver list to you.
Interview several and consider a trial period to make sure your personalities and his/her skill sets meet your needs and expectations.
I've heard of some wonderful long term relationships between caregiver and families so I'm wishing you the same good fortune.