It frustrates me to re-wash dishes, hunt for misplaced items, etc. She is active and drives, does not seem to have dementia, but may not see details well and may forget where things go. She wants to feel needed but I need the kids to do their own chores and sometimes she interferes. She also gets indignant if she catches me re-washing an item, so I'm on eggshells at times! Am I dealing with Alzheimers?
You can just as easy handwash them later when she isn't around or sleeping. That way she feels important, and things get cleaned enough.
The only alarm bell that's now tinkling with me is: if this is her kitchen that she's lived in forever... why's she having difficulty with remembering where things belong? Has there been a recent reorganisation of cupboards, or something? Is it only in the kitchen, or are things turning up in odd places all over the house? Just something to keep an eye on.
It sounds like you are all blessed and you just needed to vent. 2 women in a house is a challenge under the best circumstances.
Keep up the good work!
My mom not only still cleans the kitchen, and tries to do as much as she can, but she criticizes me because I never do things right! which as you can imagine adds another ounce or two to the “annoyance” :) So, like you said it yourself, count your blessing my friend! You are not dealing with dementia or Alzheimer’s, you are dealing with a human being whose capabilities have been diminished, yet she is striving to remain active and useful..there is very little one can do at 90 years old to feel alive, hold on to a little independence and attempt to still feel like the same person from 70, 60 or 50 years ago!
I would suggest that instead of trying to modify her behavior, you could try to modify yours to ease the situation. Learn to breathe, slow and deep, and quickly put things in perspective when you feel annoyed.
And please try not to make evident to her that she does things wrong. Put yourself in her shoes, that always helps in life! :) Good luck, and embrace this opportunity life presents you with to increase your patience. Remember we will all get where she is -that is if we get to live that long!- and hopefully we get there like she is: active and willing to keep going!
I think ur Mom just doesn't see. Its it a well lighted area. Maybe allowing her to fold clothes. Run the vacuum.
The thing is, grandma's do try to help their grandchildren by doing chores, or giving money or cooking special things. This is so far from most posts that the g'parent doesn't even acknowledge the g'babies or gets jealous or treats them terrible.
I would try to be happy that she is trying to be an active member of the house and come up with a story about why you're rewashing dishes or do it when she won't see.
But that's just my opinion. I deal with someone who thinks I was put here to be his personal servant and won't do one single thing at my house except make work.
I have a bad conscience about this because back in the day when my mother washed and I dried I used to pop substandard items back in the bowl with a merry cry of "re-ject!"
I can now see I'm quite lucky that my mother was a patient and kindly woman who would never have poked her daughter in the eye with a soapy rubber glove.
How long has your MIL been using your kitchen?
You don't have a dishwasher? You wouldn't think about getting one?
I’d like to add another problem to the mix though. If she is having vision problems and is becoming forgetful, she should not be driving.