So, I am a middle-aged 'only child' of a mother, that has advanced Alzheimer's. My step-dad is her caretaker & is not ready to put her in a facility. He is her POA. Anyway, she was recently swiping at the mirror & said, "to get that woman out her house" & fell backwards on the hardwood floor. She now says she doesn't know how to walk. If you try to move her, she yells out, seemingly in pain. Side note, when my stepdad & I were out of the room, she scooted out to the room we were in with the walker & walked fine & didn't complain or yell. Just the day before the fall, she was very mobile on her own, no walker involved. Anyway, I have asked my stepdad to get her an X-ray, which he stated my mom absolutely refused to do at the Dr.'s office. I have since reached out to all step siblings for advice/help. I have contacted my parents rep at the local Aging society, who was to call me back after making contact with them. Haven't heard back & it's been a week. No one is saying anything. Also, a little background.. My adult children, myself & step- siblings have told my 86 yr old stepdad for about a year that we feel my mom should be in a home for her health & for the level of care she needs, also to lessen his burden. He says he wants her at his side still. He was just in ER with some health issues & if he declines, how is he going to care for her & himself? Any options here? I feel like my hands are tied. Very stressed here. Thank you in advance!
I would offer support in looking in on Mom without enabling the poor decision of their not getting care.
To be honest (and perhaps this comes of being now 82 with an 84 y/o partner) your mother chose your stepfather as husband and as POA. Whether in choosing otherwise (let us assume you, yourself) she would now be "safely" "in care" and live a few years longer? Perhaps. But in attempting a guardianship fight with her hubby you would almost certainly:
A) lose
B) invest money needlessly
C) if you won be in for a world of woe with an uncooperative mom and hubby
D) add little to your mom's life. Safety issues such as falls, etc. will continue
I cannot see the stress of this being worth it for any reason.
I do like that you reached out to step family. I suggest you all work out a check in schedule and keep in touch with one another.
I hope as a new member you will fill in your profile for us, which will help if you plan to stay on the site at all. I certainly do wish you all the best.
Many of us here in the forum had to wait for a medical emergency where 911 was called and the parent hospitalized before we could get the ball rolling for senior living. Sure enough, when my Mom was 98 she had head trauma due to a fall. Both my parents still lived in a house which had a lot of stairs. Mom went from the hospital to rehab.... from rehab into skilled nursing and that is where she remained.
As hard as it is, you will need to sit and wait for that call.
Since Step-Dad has the POA sometimes you must have to back off for awhile.
Dementia is a funny thing. Mom would go on and on about being cold like she was in a brain loop but wearing a sweater would "hurt" her. I would take the fact that she walked on her own with the walker as a good thing. Also, the fact that the doctor did not press for xrays is probably a positive thing.
The fact that you have a backup residence in mind is good.
Sometimes where you are at is where you are at.