He knows my mom will run out of money. My brother was in jail for stealing money from a friend (great guy, right). Now that he has a record, and has been out of work for over 7 years in 55+ he is not considered employable. The only job he can get is kitchen help and he feels he is above this type of work.
For the past 7 years, my mother has given my brother $1,000 - $2,000 per month so he can live in a motel. My brother is a "born again" Christian and is constantly telling my mother that my sister and I are not real Christians. I believe is to manipulate her.
My brother also drives my mothers $30,000 car (she can no longer drive) and places himself in questionable circumstances.
My mother's lawyer, financial advisor, sister and me have told my mother that she will run out of money if she continues giving this money to my brother. The same has been told to my brother but he continues taking his monthly paychecks from my mother.
My brother is not my mother's caregiver, is not POA and until recently has not been named on any of her bank/investment accounts.
In the last 30 days, my brother has taken my mother to her bank to have a new account opened (her prior account had my sister's name on the account which I supported). She only needed new checks so not sure how the new account happened.
My sister is the Financial POA and I am the medical POA.
I feel like this is Elder Abuse - my brother knows that my mother may not have money to live on before long. Due to his financial and job issues, he will not be able to take care of her once the money runs out.
My mother is confused about why financial events occur when my brother is involved but knows what occurs when my sister and I help her with finances.
If I go down a legal path in attempts to help my mother and she finds out, she will never speak to me again. I can be OK with that as long as she retains all of her money OR spends her money on herself.
Is there anything I can do beyond reporting Elder Financial Abuse with authorities? Can someone with FInancial POA prevent my brother from "helping" my mother with ANY financial matter?
1) In the US, competent adults are entitled to make their own decisions, even silly, dangerous, or self-destructive decisions. This is so fundamental to our national belief system it is very hard to overcome.
2) Closing accounts that the brother has access to and opening a new one is so obvious and so simple, that the fact the lawyer doesn't suggest it indicates to me that it is illegal under the circumstances -- that is, unless Mother is willing to have this done, or unless Mother is declared by a judge to be incompetent and in need of protection.
3) Mother wants to help her son. Of course she does. We could speculate all day whether she is enabling him to make bad decisions or whether she is preventing him from making even worse decisions. She wants to help and she is doing it in the only ways she can think of.
Given these three facts, it would seem to me that figuring out ways to help Brother for less money than Mother is spending on him now would be a good solution. But depending on the family dynamics it might be an extremely tough solution to implement. Mother won't live forever, and then what will Brother do? Helping him to start doing it now would be a step in the right direction for everyone.
HateElderAbuse, if you have the strength and the perseverance to help Brother get hooked up to the professional help he needs and to stick with it. you may be doing your mother a great service. That is really expecting a lot of you, and it isn't within your job description as POA.
Having said that, I'm interested in this point that "she will run out of money." Is that certainly, numerically, true? Because another duty you have in exercising your POA is to execute what you know your mother's wishes are, irrespective of whether you like them or not; and if the reality, once you've added up, is that $1,000 here or there is not going to make a significant difference, then your sister ought to continue to pay your ne'er-do-well brother if she wants to do the job properly. The point being that any exasperation with or resentment of your brother's freeloading you feel doesn't enter into it; all that matters is whether your mother can actually afford it.
I sympathise with your strong preference for all of your mother's money to be spent exclusively on her. But suppose, for example, she would in earlier years rather have bought her son a holiday (or bail him) than get herself a new car: then you must assume that her priorities are different from yours. Be careful. Try to set aside your dislike of your brother, because it clearly is not part of your mother's thinking; and that is what you must do your best to respect, within the constraints of her budget.
Cut off the supply.
I stepped in and stopped my sister from robbing my mother blind and Mom from giving her money to every person who called on the phone or hit the door. Sometimes you have to STOP them from inadvertently harming themselves. Why is POA sister sitting there and not doing something, this MUST come to an end. Call Social Services and Elder Attorney call whomever you must to be able to find out if this is elder abuse and do you have a legal leg to stand on.
If I was POA sister I would gather my paperwork and march myself down to the bank and introduce myself and present papers and Mom's POA and let them know that she will be taking over ALL OF MOM'S FINANCIAL MATTERS DUE TO ELDER ABUSE OR MEMORY ISSUES. All bank accounts would be changed and brothers name removed. POA should then have a heart to heart with you and brother and tell him that as of this very moment, he is cut off from his windfall. If Mom can't drive and wants brother to have the car make sure it is signed over to him to get it out of Mom's name and legal responsibility.....He may need a place to live!
Brother knows he can manipulate Mom and he does it well. Mom may be upset, mine was, but honestly I don't give a crap, I did what I did to try and save her from herself and I would do it again!
If you try to go the route of Guardianship, it is expensive, time consuming and you have to have doctors willing to sign papers stating she is incompetent. Taking over as POA is easier. I would make sure I have already done everything that needs to be done before I ever mention it to brother and get all the checkbooks and get them out before even telling Mom. You mother will be angry but you have to realize you are trying to help HER!
Do you realized that if brother spends all her money or if she becomes horribly ill tomorrow and has to go into a nursing home, you could not even get the help of Medicaid because you brother is spending her money. There is a 5 year look back and they are going to want to know where all this money has gone and they will not touch her with a ten foot pole due to the squandering of her money.
Unless you and POA Sis are wealthy and can pay for Mom's care, you better stop it now! I did and although it has been hard at times I know I did for her benefit and not allowed sister to use Mom's money as her personal bank account.
Don't be surprised if brother doesn't try to get Mom to sign papers making him POA. If Mom has dementia or Alzheimer's legally she cannot change her POA as she in not considered mentally competent.
Our problem with this is that we don't actually know what the financial situation is. If the mother is running out of funds to the extent that it will soon have a significant impact on her ability to support herself, the brother can't be paid any more. If it would have some but not a severe impact, the POA has to decide whether the mother in her right mind would be prepared to make the required sacrifice; she could, for example, make the economies Braida suggests, or just reduce the brother's allowance. If in fact the mother's funds won't be depleted unless or until a hypothetical situation arises in the distant future, then there is no valid reason for changing the mother's habitual practice. The reality could be anywhere in this range, and it's the poor old POA who has to make the right call in the end. We shouldn't pretend it's easy.
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