I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. How are we supposed to handle being constantly accused of all kinds of nonsense on top of everything else we have to do to care for a LO with dementia? My mom has created quite the intricate web of stories to explain this growing group of hallucinations she has daily (day and night). Of course these people bother her because my husband and I have invited them here specifically to upset her. Whey would we do such a thing? Because we think it's funny and we are trying to make her crazy and kill her. Those are the most extreme accusations and we pretty much hear that daily, dependent upon her mood. Then mixed in throughout the day are things like "my wallet is missing" - it's locked in the safe. "I can't find my cell phone, you were just in my room doing something with it so where did you put it?" - you just went into your room with your cell phone so where did YOU put it? I just found it hidden in the pocket of her walker. Of course it's my fault it's there. This started an entire tirade about how I am treating her like a young school girl and how I want to verbally attack her every single chance I get. What kind of daughter does this to her mother etc. It literally goes on and on and on and on with no break. Today I just lost it with her. I get that it's the disease talking but she says crap she used to say before the dementia ever set in and I think that's what really gets me. EVERYTHING is about her and her needs. My husband and I are totally sleep deprived and have busted our asses trying to take care of her 24/7 and this is complete and total bullshit. How is anyone supposed to care for someone with dementia? I am most certainly a failure at it and I am not afraid to admit this is beyond anything I think I can handle. This is professional care territory all the way. How can non-professionals possibly deal with this???
Oh, our "finding a caregiver" update...someone was supposed to start today but she wasn't feeling well and the agency has sent her to get tested for Covid!!! This is a no win situation across the board!
she had many episodes like this in the beginning while the brain was healing but they have since gotten worse.
My home is not set up still to have a caregiver where I could actually leave my home as I also work from home (it is open living area downstairs so my work is everywhere and I cannot move it or I will never remember where I left off or ever complete it). I haven’t in a year and half had the time to complete any plan to create mom a space as I have literally just been living in survival mode. Just when I thought I was ready and she was strong enough to try an adult daycare so I could start organizing life Covid hit.
I feel like you most days -I am losing my mind. My mom was my best friend - though I would never even before her stroke been able to live or vacation with her 24/7 - we were still best friends. The attacks and vial things she says somedays really wore my already exhausted soul down.
I'm not sure what state you are in but with Covid I do not feel she is safe at a facility and I’m also worried about having caregivers in the home - as they are exposed to so many vulnerable right now. Like you I’m losing my mind in the what with happen when I walk through the room and who will I get moments.
I am attempting to now work on acceptance and not trying to explain to her anymore - but a stroke brain is so much harder to guess wether to keep pushing her ahead or to make peace with it. I say every day “I am not alone”, right now I can only tell you that you are not alone. I haven’t made it past any other decisions or choices to help you yet...but I can tell you that “your not alone” and “I can validate every last crazy meltdown moment you have had”. Hang in there.
Now it is time for professionals to step up, preferably in a facility so you and your dh get your life back.
Do what's best for BOTH of you and go tour some Memory Care ALFs asap. Look for a privately owned place vs. a corporate owned one.....big difference, I've found, since I've dealt with both. Corporate is only after $$$$ while private puts the residents needs first.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward