This is more a question borne of frustration then of me expecting an answer. It seems like selective dementia at times, but I know this happens to other caregivers as well. Our loved ones can’t remember that they just ate once the plate is gone, nor that you are answering the question he/she just asked you because the question no longer exists in the memory of our loved one. However, if our loved one gets upset with us, all kinds of nasty words come flooding back and are spewed at us over and over again. It seems that upsetting thoughts stick in the mind of our loved ones for hours or even days at times. Happy thoughts though seem to come and go as quickly as they came. What is going on????
How they felt, and usually they feel attacked because of their lack of control (can’t remember which way are the stairs, or where are the glasses in the kitchen, etc). These insecurities make them act defensively, therefore that defines how they feel at any specific point in time and that is what they remember. It is predominantly an emotional memory.
Extremely recommend to watch Teepa videos. They are tremendously enlightening for caregivers and will help you realize that most actions and reactions don’t originate in an unpleasant personality but a true illness not easy at all to deal with for the caregiver and the person being cared for.
They can be manipulative, unkind and often can't help themselves. Sundowners Syndrome can make the situation worse.
Wrong medications or combinations of medications can make matters worse. Read about the medications your elder is taking. Consult with a geriatric physician or the family physician.
Take the good times or moments cherish them as many as there are.
My mom, I am convinced in her "lucid" moments is terrified knowing what is happening to her. She fights the inevitable, becomes nasty unable to deal with what is happening.
I try not to react to the nastiness and sometimes it is very hard. Especially when mom brings up unresolved issues from the past that can't be changed
Give yourself a break Take time out for yourself.
If you have others you can rely on, ask for help. If no others are available to help,
find a home health care facility or day care center for your elder for a few hours or days.
Best to you. You are kind to try and help your elder.