How can I get my uncle into a locked facility against his will? He has alcohol induced dementia and I can't stop him from drinking.

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How can I get my uncle into a locked facility against his will? He has alcohol induced dementia and I can't stop him from drinking.

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He won't stop drinking. He gets violent. He at times doesn't know the difference between his cell phone and the tv remote. He doesn't eat a lot. I can't get him to shower. He refuses all medical appointments then gets mad about not receiving medical care. I have too much of my own life to deal with. I can't care for him any longer. Please help

Alcohol Abuse Alzheimer's & Dementia Elder Law

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It sounds like he is unreasonable and violent. Find a place for him, with or without his consent.

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No place will lock him up without a Court order. Unless committed by a Judge, he is a free citizen. Get a lawyer to have him committed.

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I wish you lots of luck! We are trying to get my mother in law in a facility as well. Her Medicare pays less than the facilities she can afford and the one she can get in, she is on a waiting list. We are trying to get her on Medicaid but can’t get the answers to our questions. We have a hospice doctor and nurse trying to help but they have to go by the guidelines. She can’t bathe or dress herself and wants to fight us when we try to help her. She is beginning to play with her food like a child by unless she’s choking on her food, there’s no help. She is so out of it. I mean she talks out of her head and hallucinates. She is mean, abusive and curses us. She says we have taken everything from her. We have not. My husband and I have Power Of Attorney and we only use her money for her, such as a five day activity day care from 8:30 am to 1:30 pm Monday through Friday. She wanders all the time, we had to get a key bolt lock for the inside of door because she will open the door and go to the street. Several times before we could get to her, cars had to slam on brakes to keep from hitting her. It has affected us mentally and physically. We don’t want to just get rid of her, we just need her in a place that care for her, professionally, which we are no professionals.

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If you are POA ,I would think you could put her in a locked memory care unit for her safety.If she is wandering she is always in danger and that is beyond any familys ability to care for.seek out a social worker through the agency for the aging or eldercare to assist you. There is a fee but well worth it when they know how to navigate through everything. Take a deep breath and I will pray for you both.

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Hellrazor1369: Per your profile, you state that your uncle resides in your home. Not to be critical, but when did this decision come about? As far as his alcoholism, he is going to require professional assistance to CEASE consumption. He cannot just stop on his own and from all medical advice, a person who chooses to consume alcohol should not just stop at ONCE. They will have to be weaned off via a medical professional's supervision as it could, in all likelihood, end very badly for him IF he were to cease consumption at once. Then once he is under a rehabilitation's care, his physician should be the one to determine placement in a facility, not you.

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If he is considered mentally competent, he gets to decide what he wants and when he wants it. So stop being the one who helps him to live this crazy life. If he is violent, call EMS to intervene and they will admit him involuntarily. If he hurts himself, call EMS to get him to a hospital for treatment. Stop trying to help somebody who really doesn't want your help.

Please also consider getting your own life into a good place. I suggest checking out Al-Anon - a support group for family and friends of alcoholics. These folks can help you learn new ways of dealing with your uncle. Celebrate Recovery is a Christian-based version of Al-Anon.

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Here's some professional advice:
https://www.alz.org/media/cacentral/documents/Professional-Care-99-Legal-Capacity-Conservatorship-Dementia.pdf

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1.) Call an ambulance because he is drunk and have him brought to the hospital. Tell them that he's being abusive. Or tell them that he's feeling sick and he's drunk whatever you have to tell them call an ambulance and they will bring him to the hospital. That gets him out of your home.
2.) The hospital staff will do an assessment and if they determine he has dementia or an alcoholic or is having medical issues they can treat him at the hospital. If he can remain in the hospital for 3 or more days then Medicare will pay for 30 days at a medical rehab facility. Not a rehab facility like for drugs or alcohol but a rehab facility that someone would go to after a hospital stay. This will give you time to think and get your ducks in a row. It's much easier to transition him into a nursing home from a rehab facility. You will never need to bring him back home. They will handle it from there. There are social workers on staff at the hospital who will apply for Medicaid for him and get him placed. Do it asap!!

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I just read that he lives in your home.

You will have to call 911 if he falls, gets violent etc. Tell the ambulance workers that he has fallen, is violent but make sure to mention that he is a hardcore alcoholic that needs to be detoxed. The emergency room/hospital will get him on detox meds.

Only after he has been detoxed will he be transferred somewhere. Understand your uncle
may refuse to be transferred somewhere.

I highly recommend AlAnon for you.

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Alcoholics can die if their alcohol is taken away. They typically need to be detoxed at a hospital.

It is unlikely your uncle will stay alcohol free.

Move out of the home if you need to. AlAnon for you and your family.

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Typically you can't get someone in a locked facility against their will. We have protections against that.

AlAnon for you.

Call 911 if he is violent. Let them take him away and let the professionals handle everything.

Step down from all POA's.

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AlAnon for you.

It is legal to drink yourself to death.

Next time he gets abusive call 911. Let the professionals deal with him.

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The next time he gets violent, call the police and ambulance. Once at a hospital or psych unit, talk to the doctor and tell them what is going on and that he is now a danger to himself and others, not eating, and not taking care of his own personal hygiene - that you can no longer live with his behavior. If doctor agrees, they can help you get him placed.

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Here is my take - he has abused his privileges as a human being by being a drinker and he will never cooperate with anyone - he is a drunk, he is abusive, and he has dementia. He made his path, now let him lie in it. You must, no matter how, get him out of your life or he will destroy you. You are what matters - he has forfeited his rights to normalcy by his behavior. I have several suggestions to pursue. Speak with the local police if they can take him to a hospital when he "violates" you in any way. Check with the AAA for suggestions. Talk with the doctors and consult Adult Protective Services. Someone must have a solution how to get him out of your home. Places where he will go are not nice but they will take is liquor and control him - that is where he needs to be. He is responsible for what happens, not you. Don't wait - he is gone and you must get him out of your life at once.

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Are you crazy! NO, that is the worse thing you could do to your uncle! You think these facilities are going to help him! NO WAY!!! They will destroy him!

If you care about your uncle at all, then you would not do that to him! Find in-home care for him and get rid of all the booze in the home. Do NOT lock him up! You have no idea of what is going on in these places right now. The abuse and neglect is terrible.

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Way easier said than done. Alcholics always seem to find a way to get booze. Sounds to me as if uncle is dealing with the consequences of his life and trying to use OP as an enabler.

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Get several videos of his behavior, as evidence. If he goes on a rage, call EMS. When they arrive, they will call the Police who will Pink Slip him (put him under a hold) for evaluation. Then he has no choice on whether he goes or not. - retired EMS

Then as several mentioned, your favorite word becomes NO. No, he can’t come back here. No, I won’t be responsible for him.

It will be tough, but not anything compared to what you’re living with. You can do this.

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I have a dear friend whose father is an 'unrepentant' alcoholic. She finally had to step in and get guardianship of him. She didn't WANT it, but he was living in filth and alcohol induced dementia. I believe he was Baker-acted, but I'm not 100% sure. He would never have gone into rehab on his own.

While he was in the hospital, detoxing, she got guardianship. She emptied his hoarded, filthy apartment and got him a place in a small 55+ community and got control of his money. She has a cleaner come in once a week. She grocery shops for him and visits him weekly. IF he's been sober, he can be around her kids. That has been pretty effective at keeping him sober.

It is not what she wanted, obviously, but it has worked. He still gets alcohol, but so much less than before. She keeps tight reins on him. She pays for his care out of HIS money, so he can have that feeling of independence.

Guy is 60 and looks 90. So sad.

He's really on his last 'saving'. She has done so much over the years and finally, having guardianship has given her the power to make some significant changes.

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Next time he gets violent you call 911 and say that you are fearful for your safety.
Explain the situation to the dispatcher. (please..if there are any weapons in the house lock them up. )
It would be transporting him to the Hospital. Or to Jail.
If they transport him to the hospital you say that he can not be released to home. It is unsafe, he can not care for himself and you can no longer care for him.
YOU are NOT responsible for him.
If they take him to jail. Do not bail him out. When he appears before a Judge you need to tell them that he is no longer welcome in your home, it is unsafe for you and the rest of your family to have him there. He presents a danger to himself and the rest of the family.

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I totally agree- out he goes and never to return.

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You may have to apply for guardianship If you want to actively help him. There are many organizations that can help if the person will cooperate- But otherwise a guardianship is the tool here. He wont like it either so be prepared.

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You really can't change him unless he wants to change himself and as others have indicated..... he doesn't want to stop drinking.... so the best you can do is remove him from your environment. You will need to stand firm and not give in to his pleas to come back into your home as he proclaims that he has changed and just needs one more chance. Nope! Don't fall for it.

Not sure if anyone has his PoA or Medical Proxy but you might want to find out if these documents exist in the event that he is declared incompetent. If he gets into his car when he is intoxicated, you certainly call your local police and tell them.... make sure to give them the license plate number and make and color of the car but this might only be a temporary fix. He sleeps it off and is sober when he gets into his car and leaves the police station to drive back to .......... you.

Your best hope is to call 911 when he gets violent and has an episode (if possible... try to video his actions). The police have the authority to remove him temporarily and take him to the ER or to center for psych eval. Prior to this you can also call your local APS unit and advise them of the situation (give them his name, date of birth, social security number if known) but beware that in most states APS has limitations. All states are different but as an example, this is a direct copy from the NJ website on the instances where APS may get involved and their limitations in NJ:

"APS may become involved in situations that meet all of these conditions: A vulnerable adult is:
Age 18 years or older, AND
Residing in the community, AND
Due to physical or mental illness, disability or deficiency, lacks sufficient understanding or capacity to make, communicate, or carry out decisions concerning his or her well-being, AND
Is the subject of abuse, neglect or exploitation

Limits to Assistance
An APS worker is NOT authorized to:
remove a vulnerable adult from his or her home without a court order.
force an adult with capacity to accept services.
move an individual to an alternate living situation without his/her agreement or a legal representative’s agreement."

As you see, the police can act faster in getting him out of your home, but wherever they take him (hospital, detox center, etc) a social worker will call and tell you he is ready for discharge and come pick him up. It's their job but don't do it!!! If he goes to a hospital ER get in touch with the social work in the ER while they are checking him in and explain that he cannot return to your home. Once he doesn't have a home, APS and social services will have a better chance to help him.

As for the future, you may have to learn to live with the memories of the uncle he once was unless he decides that he wants to be sober.

This a hard situation you are in and I wish you good luck!

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You don't mention if he's living alone or with you. Are you his Power of Attorney for medical and financial matters? If not, you may not have any legal right to force him to do things. Requesting guardianship is the next step if there is no POA. This is a legal procedure and you may need an elder care attorney. Try to get him to a doctor who can also prescribe medicine that will calm him down. In the meantime, start looking into memory care facilities that will take people who may be violent. Get connected with a local social worker who can advise you on his and your options. And by the way, it's not unusual for people to mistake the remote for a phone when they are intoxicated.

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call Adult Protective Services and explain the situation in detail. Do not try to sugar coat any of it to them. Be sure to mention the food situation and make sure they understand how much of a threat to himself that he is. If you can, do it when he's drunk violent and unwashed etc. Also make sure that they bring someone that can determine if he should go straight to Detox instead of an ER or Hospital.

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You call 911 when he becomes violent and you refuse to let him back in your home because his violence is a danger to you, your family and him.

This is so difficult and you are going to have to decide that this is it, enough is enough, because you will get phone calls from the hospital that will try and guilt you into taking him back. You will have to be ready and willing to say "NO" many times without any wavering. This includes calls from him promising change, if only you give him another chance.

Best of luck, this is such a difficult situation to be in.

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Next time he becomes violent, call the police and ask for him to be removed. Call adult services and let them know ahead of time. The state should be able to have him committed to a care facility for evaluation. You aren't going to be able to do this on your own. All drunks have to want to be sober, most just keep plodding along putting their problems onto someone who is willing to put up with him. Instead of being grateful that a niece would take him in, he is abusive as you have described him. Whatever obligation you have felt is over, time to move on and even severe contact after he is removed.

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My heart goes out to you ♥️

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First, the best thing to do is talk to an elder care attorney. He or she can advise you the best thing to do. If there is no living will, health care POA or durable POA, you may need the help of the medical profession to have him declared incapcitated. Depending upon the laws of the state you live in, you likely would need to go before a judge to declare you (or someone else) his legal guardian. Seek legal counsel first to see what can be done. If he has been medically (offically) diagnosed with a type of dementia, the process of obtaining guardianship might go easier.

I would definitely talk to his doctors about his drinking and medication. Mixing the two could have some serious consequences.

You having to care for him is difficult. If he is uncooperative the best place for him is in a memory care facility. There are great places and shi**y places. The type of place you (or your team) choose for him will be dependent upon his finances. This is another thing to consider. If he has no money, then he could be assigned as a ward of the state.

Love him as much as you can but don't sacrafice your own health for someone who will not let you help them.

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discuss detox with him. go to Al Anon . If there is a incident such as falling down drunk call 911 - have them take him to the ER and don't take him back. they can send him to a rehab . get a social worker involved . His drinking is not your problem . Create a healthy boundary so you are not Miserable because of a drunk.

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Join Al-Anon and step away. If you believe the dementia is so severe that he is a danger to himself call APS. They will decide if he is competent to make own decision. Even a hospitalization and a diagnosis of alcoholic encephalopathy will not change any of this, and you cannot change it either. Even with guardianship you are unlikely to succeed and no court will give guardianship for alcoholic; it is expensive to try to get it, and impossible to implement it if you DO get it. Sorry for all the grief in this. Go to AlAnon and learn what you can do to keep yourself healthy.

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When he gets violent, call the police and refuse to take him back into your home. Let the State take over his care.

In the meantime, call Adult Protective services and tell them he is violent and you are scared for your safety.

Let me tell you about "do gooders". They get taken advantage of. You have to realize you cannot help everyone. No good deed goes unpunished. If you are going to help, you need to set boundries and stick to them. Yes, you can live with me but no alcohol allowed in my house. Yes you can live with me but I expect you to pay rent. I expect you to respect me and my property. If you can't do this, you can't live with me. And the first time they bring alcohol into the house, don't pay rent or don't respect you, out they go.

If you are not the kind of personality that can set boundries and stick up for yourself, then you should not be helping others. Because others will start taking advantage whether they mean to or not. You have to know when its time to draw the line.

I do not do confrontation well. I am learning to say No. I no longer volunteer. If asked, I will do. It seems when you volunteer its felt you must have the time and you are willing to do whenever they need you. But they call you one day and ask a favor, you say sorry not today. Then the person says "what am I going to do, I need this done". And you cave in. When what you really wanted was a nice quiet day at home with your cat. And you are entitled to that nice quiet day at home. You should never be someones everything. They need to have options. You should never let yourself feel guilty because you say no. I found that I felt guilty saying no but my friends and some family never seemed to.

You are not responsible for your Uncle. 70 is not old but drinking has probably aged him. He needs help that you cannot give him. He is abusing you. You need to get him out of your house. And think before inviting anyone else into ur home. Our homes are our "safe place to fall". We should be able to come home and do whatever we want without having someone wrecking that peace.

And yes, if your Uncle leaves your house driving drunk you call the Police. You tell them he is not allowed back to your home because he is violent. Do not allow them to bring him back drunk. He can sober up in jail for the night.

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Oh dear. From the OP's profile it seems that uncle is living in her family's home.

Hellrazor1369, when did your uncle come to live with you, why did he, and where was he living before then? The reason I ask is - not to criticize you for allowing him to move in! - but because it might help with suggestions about how to move forward from where you are now.

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true words, if it is his house with no legal documents to give you any say in it couldn't the house be sold out from under you to cover his medical costs?

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Contact the state social services and the Adult Protective Services. APS can schedule a visit and make the determination if he is able to take care of himself in a 'safe' environment. Contact his doctor (who should be aware of the situation) and the doctor can declare him unable to care for himself and make sound decisions. Not sure what all legal paperwork has in place - if yes, then whoever he designated as POA. If not, then the state will step in - or suppose to.

Who is purchasing his alcohol? Is he driving himself? While intoxicated? You cant force your uncle to do things he doesn't want to do. Doesn't want to eat or shower - cant make him - he isn't a 3 yo. He doesn't want to stop drinking (probably can't stop drinking but won't admit it to himself), there isn't anything else you can do. A recovery program probably won't work because he doesn't WANT to stop drinking. Doesn't want to go to medical appointments but then gets mad at you - let it roll off you and either hang up if a phone call or walk away if in person. He isn't the uncle you knew, he isn't the uncle you had. This uncle is pretty much a stranger to you now - the alcohol has totally destroyed him and continues to do so. You cannot take care of someone who doesn't want to be taken care of. I know you want to help but at some point he has got to want some help and be willing to cooperate just a teeny bit. It can't be his way or no way.

Are there any other family members you can shoulder this with? Share the frustrations with?

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Is he in your home or you in his?

Either evict him or get out and find your life.

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How can I get my uncle into a locked facility against his will? He has alcohol induced dementia and I can't stop him from drinking.

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