My mother has rights over my pap, but she moved away and won't help. It's just me and my husband and son trying to help. But he won't let us. He hasn't been able to clean himself ( besides wipes) in at least a year. He won't come over my house to bathe. He goes bathroom on himself because he can't take the stairs. He has money and he won't use it out a bathroom downstairs. He lost his license so if he ever needs something, it's us trying to figure everything out. He needs more help than I can give, but IDK how to help. I tried to get an in home nurse for him, but that didn't work out. And he yells and throws things if I ask about a nursing home. Plz help. I don't want him to suffer but IDK what to do?
Second im not sure you know what you’re getting yourself into, so read this website and get an idea of what you are signing up for if you choose to take this on, on ANY level.
If he needs help but refuses to accept it and is living in dangerous conditions then you should call Adult Protective Service right away so they can go out and evaluate his home and mental capacity. It does not sound as if he’s mentally healthy and if your mom left him that way, he needs to be placed in a safe clean and cared for environment which will be a nursing facility and the type will depend on his needs after evaluation. There will be financial obligations once he’s placed so if he has money he’ll need to pay if he doesn’t have long term care insurance.
I EMPLORE you to do research before taking responsibility as it is one so challenging it could ruin your life, mental and emotional capacities and your marriage depending how involved you become. Do not allow anybody to strong arm you into taking him into your home, it sounds as if he needs a lot of care you aren’t trained for!! Please keep reading...
POA, guardianship, those don’t give you rights OVER someone else. They give you decision making authority and certain responsibilities. If your mom is POA, it’s probably not in effect until your grandfather is declared incompetent. If it’s in effect now, she still doesn’t have power over him. even as POA, she can’t force your grandfather to accept caregivers or make home improvements or bathe himself.
Report him to APS as a vulnerable adult. Let them take over.
Here is the link for Adult Protective Services for your Area which has phone and email info.
http://www.lcdjfs.com/social-services/adult-protective-services
You need to call APS and tell them grands is a vulnerable adult. They will investigate and get back to you on their findings. If they feel he cannot care for himself, then give them Moms info. It will be up to Mom on how this is all handled. If she doesn't want to care for him then she either gets her POA invoked so she can make decisions for him or she allows the state to take guardianship. If that happens, the state will place him and take over his finances.
I know u love him, but I wouldn't take on this responsibility. Your Mom doesn't have to physically care for him but she does have a duty to make sure he is in a safe, clean place where he will be cared for.
Negotiate.