Hello all,
It definitely had got to the point that all this is on me. My grandpa was discharged from the hospital this past week; transferred to the skilled rehab facility for PT/OT. Now his family is having my phone on blast to check on him. I visit on the weekend; he would ask me to bring a few things he would need. So he would list items he would want for me to find; make sure his bills are paid (electronically or by phone); check the mail (important correspondence), etc.
I work full time during the week; trying to go on a weekday will make me crash; feeling exhausted and not focused; Knowingly I have to wake up early and go to work.
Everyone else says "ask the dr and nurse, this and that and the other"over & over. I am doing what I am able to do. I have no control over the medical staff. I do ask questions and inquire. I even call and ask for info, dr info etc. Grandpa sees me most of the time; though it's only a couple of hours I give; when I can. I have a life to live too. And grandpa knows I have responsibilities. I try to stay humble only for grandpa. I don't want empathy. I just want his family to understand I can't pull all this weight; everyone needs to do their part. Just because I live near by, that doesn't me I am able to do all. I work, I have my studies, I live with my domestic partner and we at times have things to do together. This is causing a strain. I want to see grandpa get his strength back and and in good health. How could I live my life without the pressure?
Please advise.
Thank you.
Overwhelmed Grand
P.S. I am glad there is a site like this for loved ones and family to post their concerns and questions; feeling free without judgment.
message detailing her progress. Not one ever thanked me so it wasn’t worth my time, but at least it kept them from calling umpteen times a day when I was doing patient care. I’ve concluded now that I won’t do it again. His sisters don’t really need to know the nature of his bowel movements anyway. There’s a site called CaringBridge, and you can set up an account there for a sick person daily update so people can sign in and check. That might be the best way to handle it.
What would it look like if everyone "did their part"? What aspects of your stepgrandfather's care could be done by others?
You've written on this site since 2014. You mentioned your grandmother back then. Is she still alive?
Also back then you mentioned that your brother couldn't be involved because he lives in Mount Vernon. That is 16.9 miles and 27 minutes away. That is not far away.
Did you have a great relationship with your stepgrandfather? If not, step away, and let his blood relatives take over. I'm assuming your grandmother has passed on.
You've been involved since at least 2014, and probably before that, right? You've done your time. Time to live your life without this stress, as apparently everyone else has been doing for years.
My position: I’ll help where I can. But I am not your employee (or Grandpa’s employee). It’s not my job to send status reports or execute to do lists or be bossed around. If the family has an opinion, the family should get involved.
So, Step 1 -- tell your family what you've said here.
I fear the next assumption will be assuming caregiving and having granddad live with you and your partner. If this day comes, please hold strong and refuse. Being in rehab is the perfect time to transition to assisted living where granddad will be professionally cared for. You deserve to have your own life and be happy.
These relatives keep calling you because you keep answering them. As I said, choose one to keep "in the loop" and let the responsibility of informing the rest of the family fall on him/her. Then set a specific time/date each week to communicate with that one person, and ***ignore*** the rest of the phone calls.
It's a freeing moment in your life when you realize you are NOT REQUIRED to answer your phone every time it rings.
The family will have to make arrangements for the rest of the time while they work on finding a facility for him.
If you dont set a boundary and stick to it family will expect you to do everything for grandpa and you will be the solution. You dont want to be the solution.
If you aren't then tell the family members they can call your grandfather directly. They can go to the rehab themselves. He can ask some of them to take over some of the bill paying and making sure he gets what's on his lists. He can also tell ll of them this himself and not rely on you to be his press secretary to inform everyone. Tell him to.
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