My grandmother keeps making these "uh huh huh" noises that's kind of like a moan, but it's not (it reminds me of Butthead from Beavis & Butthead), but it's a deeper sound. Anyway, it's driving me up the wall. She denies having a problem, but I don't fully believe her. She says it's comforting to make the sounds. However, it's not comforting to me, it's making me crazy - literally. It would be one thing if I just heard it when we're in the same room together, but I hear it all over the house - upstairs too. I can't get away from it. If I put headphones on or turn on something to drown out the sound, I wouldn't be able to hear her if she called or paged me. I've told her of this but she keeps making these sounds. Oddly, when I sneak up beside her when she's making these sounds and then she suddenly realizes I'm there, she starts reading the clues/questions in her crossword puzzle as to cover up the fact that she had been making those sounds. The other night she was making the sounds for two hours straight. I was upstairs trying to work on a complicated computer-email problem. All of a sudden I snapped and found myself yelling "shut up" and didn't realize I was yelling until I was actually doing it. I didn't intend to yell, it just came out. Nothing like that's ever happened to me before. Any suggestions on what to do? If this crap continues, I may have to take drastic measures. I may have tell Grandma to knock it off or I'll play some lovely hip-hop music for her everytime she does it. Considering she's intentionally making the sounds despite that I've told her I can hear her all over the house and it's annoying, then I don't think there's anything wrong with giving her a dose of her own medicine. It's not like she has dementia and can't help it. She knows what she's doing. And like I said, I can hear her all over the house - I can't get away from it.
Learning to deal with other people's habits in a respectful and cooperative manner is essential, if you hope to ever have healthy relationships with any workmates, roommates, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, and/or children you may have in the future.
(PS - This is the easiest part of caregiving an elderly person you will ever have to deal with.)
As far as what you can do about it. Just learn to live with it I guess.
So apparently you understand that you can make sounds that are not intentional, but you don't believe that can happen to your grandmother?
How is it that you are caregiving for this annoying old lady?
Of course the pharmacists mean that the cough irritates the patient. If they were talking about what it did to the patient's captive audience (me) they would describe it instead as an abso-f***ing-lutely infuriating teeth-clenching I-can't-take-this-any-longer cough.
I also had a grandmother who used to hum whole piano concertos. Was she aware she was doing it? I don't think she fully can have been, she was just paying more attention to what was going on inside her head than to what was going on around her.
And the last time I had to write copy to a deadline there was an evasive housefly in the room. Stressed? Me? No, I just like to curl up in a corner, suck my thumb and cry.
So I really, really do sympathise with your (pretty harmless, actually) outburst. Where I take issue is with your supposition that your grandmother can help this if she tries. M'n. Doubt it.
What your grandmother is doing is a kind of self-soothing. The noise, presumably, creates a pleasant sensation which she finds comforting. So although no doubt - if she were prepared to pay attention the whole time on what effect her sitting there and minding her own business might be having on you - she *could* not do it, how realistic is that? - not to mention how reasonable?
I don't know what the solution is. I detest repetitive noise myself so I honestly do feel for you. How about you go ahead with the noise-cancelling headphones and just check in on her on a stricter schedule?
If I were in your shoes, that constant annoying sound would drive me nuts, too. It's like Chinese water torture. One drop at a time on the head constantly every few seconds for days and days until the person goes mad.
Solutions: find other place to live, or wear headphone to block the noise out. Your grandmother can not change. If anything, she'll get worse with her habit.
I would put on noise canceling headphones and just make a point of checking in on grandma every 30 minutes.
I never once screamed at her in 64 years, why don’t you realize everything isn’t about you!
Your description of your caregiving situation states that you are caring for your grandmother, living at home and the primary problem is mobility limitations.
Can you please expand on the situation a little bit?
-Are you the only caregiver and the only other person in the house?
-How old are you?
-Why do you state so surely that your grandma doesn’t suffer from dementia?
-Does she suffer from any other illnesses aside from mobility problems?
Why do I ask? Because the answers may help us help you.
I’ll admit that the part where you say that your grandma started reading out loud the answers to the cross puzzle to kind of cover up the noise which she then realized she was making which you have made clear to her that bothers you to an extreme, is very sad and even pathetic. She was ashamed and felt guilty for doing something she cannot help. Have you thought she might be even afraid of you?
How would you handle it if it was a child with nervous tics? Would you feel sorry and worried for the kid and try to help him or her, or would you lose your patience?
Just so you know, the fact that you are making a big deal out of it might be making the situation worse. People make those noises or acquire nervous tics as a defense against anxiety, so the more you complain and make her feel bad about it, the worse the anxiety gets and the more she makes the noise, NOT because she WANTS TO, but because she CANNOT HELP IT.
I think you both are caught into a vicious cycle.
Please know she’s not doing this to you, yet she might be getting worse BECAUSE of you, and your lack of understanding of how to handle the situation. It may be not your fault, as i know you’re not trying to hurt her purposely, but it’s definitely not a good situation for neither of you.
Someone said that this is the easiest problem you’ll face as a caregiver, and it definitely is! So please reassess your situation, because I can tell you love your grandma and feel sorry for yelling at her, but this also shows your level of patience is no where near where it needs to be to care for an elderly person. Everyone is different and not all of us are built for it. Accepting your limitation is a great step towards helping and loving your grandma the way you should, meaning not being the sole or direct caregiver and not sharing a home with her, if the situation allows.
Try to find compassion in your heart for your grandma, read your comment and you’ll realize that people here may be responding harshly because what you wrote seems very harsh too. It’s your grandmother, and she’s reached a point -that you too will reach- where she needs understanding love, not harsh criticism.
If you ever feel like yelling at her again count to ten, take a deep breath or walk away, but don’t yell at her.
So, about the noise? Buy a CD with NY noises or download it online...play it for a couple of hours and you’ll be hoping your grandma comes around with her noises! 😂 A little humor from someone that lived in NY and knows that one needs to learn to mentally block certain uncomfortable noises, people or situations..of which you’ll have plenty in life!
It takes a very strong person to be a caregiver. That doesn’t make you a bad person. We all have our own lives and sometimes having to give them up is more than we can do. Hang in there girl!