My sweet mother is living in an assisted living community/facility in CA. Prior to COVID, she lived in her own apt with minimal assistance. Her short-term recall was failing and she had mild dementia, but with a daily 1-2 hour visit from me or my sister, she was calm and happy, a sweetheart to all. Then March 14th, Mom’s AL facility closed off to only “essential workers”. My sis and I were limited to contact via phone only. And within days, Mom sunk down into the pit of dementia, completely unable to comprehend what was happening and why. Why am I in this “hotel”? When are you coming to take me “home”? Where are you? Why aren’t you coming to see me? Her calm demeanor is now replaced with anxiety and fear.
We have worked with her doctor and added an anti-depression med which also helps with insomnia. At the request of the facility, we have hired a personal care companion 6 hours a day, on top of the 24/7 support of care givers at the facility. We call 4 times a day when her care companion is not there. We FaceTime with the help of the care givers. We sing, read devotions, the Bible, and stories. We answer her questions several times each phone call. None of this has given her any understanding or lasting comfort.
Is anyone else experiencing this with their parent? Any suggestions on how to help from afar?
When my mother stayed with her sister while I traveled, I left such a letter with her. My aunt told me Mom would take the letter out several times a day and read it through and seemed comforted by it. Memory problems impede a senior's ability to adjust to new to them environments and increase disorientation. Imagine yourself waking up to in a room you do not recognize with strangers coming and going and unsure how to make contact with anyone you know and love. The letter is a memory "bridge" providing the information your mother needs to re-orient herself to her current environment and comfort her that you will be calling and checking on her sometime soon.
You'd have to do some fast talking to negotiate it with the facility, mind. After all, what if everybody had the same idea?
There is also one thing to hold on to meanwhile. As long as she remains distressed by your absence, harrowing though it is to witness or think about, it must mean that she has not lost that connection. God willing you will be able to repair it.
I really appreciate your comment that her missing me, although distressing, does mean she still has a connection. Thank you for that insight.
We are making “Angel visits” constantly to help those who need help. I have been busy with FaceTime or ZOOM visits with family members. Once the family sees their loved ones they immediately light up and smile. This has been the best medicine, and I encourage your facility to arrange this with you and your family. We have dedicated a special number for the family members to contact us directly for these such requests.
UTI’s are also a problem with older persons with dementia. I am glad you are looking into this. As other comments have stated, this infection can create much confusion and make dementia worse.
I feel for all residents of nursing home/assisted living facilities. I hope visitors can come in soon!
My mom is in a memory care facility and, as with patrish1pacbell's mother, my mother is (actually, she has been for months) experiencing depression; seems worse of late. It is certainly being addressed and I am regularly in contact with the staff and with my mom (via telephone calls).
Otherwise -- one thing for sure -- weather permitting, my mom and other residents are able to walk on the facility property where she lives; she also sits at the gazebo she loves. I know this definitely boosts her spirits. She looks forward to the opportunity to get outside.
to visit your Mother than for you to visit? If she has not been tested
and is not a nurse then I would suggest you make yourself her
Personal Care Attendant. Good luck, I can only imagine the stress
and heartache all of you are going through at this time.
My dad and I were talking about this tonight. “Dad please be careful and don’t fall.” If you have to go to the hospital they won’t let me go with you. I have been fortunate that my dad 96 is of sound mind and in good health except for his knees. Because of this mom was able to stay in their home. If course it helps with me living across the street.
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