Mom has been in an Assisted Living center for 5 weeks. Just when I think she has accepted being there, she starts begging to go home again. I hate that she wakes up everyday thinking that she is ready to go home. How do I handle this? Some days she is quite lucid and other days not so much. Her doctor has said she cannot live alone, but she says she'll find someone to stay with her (which she won't be able to do). She believes that people will stay with her just because they like her. She has no understanding of other's jobs and lives...only hers.
Another consideration in dementia is that in general it is not a good idea to argue with their delusions. The other night when my husband thought he was in a bus station I said, sadly, that the last bus had left for the night. Would he like a nice place to sleep, and catch the early bus in the morning? He did. I wheeled him to his own bed, and he didn't remember anything about a bus in the morning. This is tricky and depends on the type of memory loss and the fluctuations in cognition, but I wonder if it is really necessary to confront your mother with the reality you know. What if she told you she is being released tomorrow and you said, "Oh, isn't that fine. I'm sure the social worker will be around to help you get ready. ... How did you like the sing-along yesterday?" That is, accept her delusion, don't dwell on it, and change the subject. This approach has to be customized for each dementia victim, but it is often less stressful all around than trying to talk them out of a delusion.
Warmest wishes to you. This certainly isn't easy!
Thank you for your hug jeannegibbs, I really, really needed to feel and hear that this morning. I also know that even though Mom doesn't remember that I spent hours and hours with her and by 5 or 6 pm, forgot all about it, the time that I actually did spend with her, blessed her and made her extremely happy. And those are the precious moments for the both of us even though she forgot by the afternoon. Thank you for your hug Jeaneegibbs. I need hugs right now!!!
"I'm going home to the farm and waiting for her ride". She had family pictures on the wall and I started asking q's about her family life. It made her think back and I focused on happier times with family.
I walked her to the window and said ""Look!! we're already back to YOUR house, did you have a good time?
She smiled and said "Oh yes honey, it was grand visiting with my family, I want you to meet them some day" and hugged me.
Then I asked her, are you ready to unpack and get rested before supper?, Yes, she said, I'm tired from my trip.
That was one of the best days I had working at the nursing home.