It became apparent that she needed 24-7 care in the last 6 weeks. She would not move into our home. We had 2 daytime caregivers, but weekend and night time care was difficult to find. Now that we have moved her she is angry and very disoriented about where she is and doesn't know what decade she is living in. They tell me she will calm down. She has been there for a week and still not showered, even with myself or daughter, or one of her former caregivers, with whom she is comfortable. I feel so sorry for her and a bit guilty too. What to do?
I realize that this is very individual and the "newer" way of thinking seems to be to not visit until they've settled in. I'm trying to adjust. Maybe these people are right. I just have a hard time with the idea.
We'll watch how this plays out in the future. I'd love to see continued discussion on the site about the pros and cons of each approach for people with dementia, without dementia, in different stages, and everything in between.
Keep up the great work, my friends. There's more wisdom in on this forum than anywhere I can imagine.
Carol
I also think a little and I mean little mild sedation may be appropriate wile she settles down.
I too would be angry and agitated to have been ripped out of my home, deprived of my belongings and at the mercy of strangers. Would I adjust, I really don't know. i am one of those people who does not want to be shut up with a lot of other old people.
1. Tried to meet and greet her caregivers and staff so they know me by sight and who Mom is.
2. Explore the facility. She is fortunate she has a lovely view of the courtyard from her window. If weather permits we always visit outside. She is on a walker and also uses a wheelchair.
3. She has a cell phone so I try to call at least every other day.
4. I keep her church in the loop that she is there and she has gotten many visitors.
5. I stay positive when I visit. Show her pictures on my iPad of the outside world, family etc
After a month, not sure she had adjusted....(she wants to be at home)...but she does know the routine of the place.
When you visit, make certain that you don't inadvertently give off vibes that you are worried about her or that you feel guilty. Stay positive and encouraging. Tell her that you know that any move is hard but there's so much positive here for her safety and even the chance to have a lot more fun, once she adjusts, that going through the adjustment is worth it. Comfort her but always stay positive.
I know this for you, too, but it sounds as if you made the right move. Hang in. This should work out fine.
Carol
Make this time all about support and comfort for your mom. How scary would it be if we woke up one day and didn't know where we were? Or our loved ones were telling us that it's 2016 and not 1993? I think I'd be very frustrated and angry and disoriented too.
Give your mom some more time. Reassure her and comfort her.