My sister and I are on vacation. While we are gone our other sister is caring for dad who has moderate dementia and serious sundowning. Caregivers are assisting her, but dad refuses their help and tells them to get out of the house. Our sister cannot handle him alone and has already hurt her back (knees hurting too). She had a melt down last night and we are only half way through our trip. Any suggestions?
Do you think this might be a wakeup call that he needs placement in a good care facility?
While your dad should be treated with respect and dignity, firing the caregivers is not an option. Everyone's pitching in to help your dad, he also needs to do his part.
I am so sorry that this is affecting your vacation with your sister.
How much time is remaining of your vacation? Is there another person that could be with your dad? Think about getting him to the hospital and they figure out how to deal with him.
Did this sister ever care for dad, alone before? A vacation is not the time to experiment with his care or to see if another care arrangement or caregiver would work. A better idea would be to have found a facility to provide for him.
Contact his doc, maybe a med will help, but that experiment isn't a good idea now either. What about a Geri psych hospital so they can get him stabilized. It could be that he has developed a UTI while you have been gone.
Once you are all home again, think seriously about a consult with a geriatric psychiatrist (if the prescribing doc is not of that specialty).
It can be very difficult to pick between controlling behaviour and a side effect of dementia. This one sounds a bit like 'how dare you leave me'. Your sister who is still there may well feel able to check on him in a couple of days, which might make you feel less guilty if you do decide that it is dementia.
The episode might help you to work out what is going on. One way or another, you and your sisters shouldn't be putting up with this.
PS you don't have to take any notice of this - it's just one approach!
I certainly don’t recommend leaving him to his own devices. She has to impress on him the caregivers are there to help her, not him, and they are nonnegotiable.
kept our of the hospital (he is extremely afraid of hospitals) etc.
additionally, his doc increased zoloft dose and put him back on his blood pressure meds temporarily.
we agreed to call twice a day ( think this may reset his mind if only temporarily) and set phone alerts so we dont forget. he actually said ‘i understand and i surrender’.
our 2nd call yesterday was at about 12:30 their time and his spirits seemed up, he offered that he needs to keep his anger in check. caregiver help was to arrive at 1:00.
we’ll see what today brings.
i love this forum and have always found great tips and information, sometimes tears, but always wonderful support.
thank you everyone!
Increased Zoloft dose may also be working as well as familiarity with the caregivers as well as their awareness of situation while in the house.
Thank you again for your support!