A year ago, my mother took sick after being on several strong meds for RA. Meds like muscles relaxers etc for a year. At the time, my older sidling was taking mom back and forth to the doctor and never shared anything with us about her health. I had expressed my concerns about the meds mom was on because she when from very activity to almost nothing at all in a very short time (6 months). One day she fell in the bathroom and and I could not get her on the phone. My other sibling went to the house and made enter. bottom line is she was so out of it because of the meds. she was taken to the hospital, and they found nothing wrong.
I took the meds and advice her PCP of it. he did not prescribe the drugs, but her RA doc did. All the while this is going on, my sister is trying to get PA for my mom so she can put her in a home. Because she had determined in her mind that mom had dementia. She wanted to control everything. We found out that she was prepping the doctor to put mom in a home, and he was not having it. she took all of moms clothes out of the house and took them to her house in preparations to send mom to a home. she argued and fought with us and said some really nasty things to and about us to anyone who would listen. she still does.
we changed RA doctors to one that is helping her condition, but I am afraid the meds have had a lasting affect on mom. she see her PCP regularly, but she has not been diagnosed as having dementia.
My mother is now 79. she still lives by herself, but my helpful siblings often stays with her at night.
My sister never came around much until a few year ago when she appointed her self as moms taxi to the doctor. mom told us that she could not talk to the doctor because my sister would tell him everything she had asked mom the night before. Basiclly mom had to sit in the appointments as if she was sick and could not talk for herself. This sibling had major control issues.
Both my self and another sibling have PA and MPA. Mom had this done once she started to feel a little better.
I feel in my heart that she will still try to fight us ever though she has not say so in moms care anymore. I handle moms financial things. for years she and her manipulative husband has plotted on how to get mom out of her mom and sell it.
She had acted in such rude way that she can not long go to appointments with us because of the accusations she makes again us to the staff.
I want to make sure we have all of our bases covered for mom. any advice would be helpful. Thanks
Good luck.
Anyway, my question to you is do you help out with Mom's care here or are you too far away?
xo
-SS
CureDementia, I understand what you are saying, but that is not the case in this situation.
If that is the case and all share in teh care giving, and everyone is still talking to each other, I would recommend a family meeting of the siblings to put the cards on the table. Have it in a mutually agreed upon place. Might want to do that before hotter heads prevail.
Good luck!
-SS
and in spite of the siblings
who gave themselves POA
over money and health
our report of abuses were filed
with the senior abuse hotline,
think it ends there?
No!
They countered and claimed, we were the abusers.
Alls well that ends well...
She(86 year old) is living with us and we take care of her,
she may not be in her original (home was her two flat, that we shared,
because of the false allegation I was told to move out, so she could return,
but she never returned, with her only full-time caregiver removed,
they were able to sell her home, because they had put her in a nursing home,
where she never wanted to be, so she was not in her home to protest,
she wanted, "to be carried out like her husband") home, but she is where she wants to be"not in a nursing home".
She is not in a nursing home,
she is living with us and although
she can not remember the lunch she just ate,
she knows home is anywhere we are.
Her siblings were just stressed out people,
whose power went straight to their heads,
thought the power should be there's,
and were not her actual caregivers.
They were naive in thinking,
in so many ways, and thought, that dementia care could be managed and directed by phone,35 miles away....
(I took her to the doctors,
had her diagnosed with dementia,
three years earlier, gave her meds,
made sure she had a clean home,
provided companionship
and three squares a day).
They "thought" because they held the power,
they were the caregivers,
but did not know what to do with all "their power",
once they gave it to themselves.
She now has a court appointed guardian,
a bank to control her money,
us as caregivers,
and they (the bullies) are on the outside,
looking in, wondering what happened.
Some MAY have the POA and are the caregivers.
Some MAY have the POA and share the caregiving.
Some MAY have the POA and do NO caregiving.
So MAY have no POA and do NO caregiving.
I think the combinations are endless.
I am the POA and I do ALL the caregiving. I have not been told I am manipulative, but I have been told I am "bossy"! I had to laugh at that from a sibling who hadn't shown their face in 2.5 years. Well, I said, SOMEONE has to be bossy because otherwise they will be sitting in their own crap, no food, no meds, no anything! If you would like the be the boss, go right ahead!! LOL
So stressedMom, I'm not one that is manipulative for their own devices. I've given both siblings a chance to help out and an equal share of the tiny, tiny inheritance. I do it all and I expect nothing from them. Not now or in the future.
CureDementia - I hear ya!!
Iwentanon - I took care of all the financial and legal issues for my parents and literally everything else.. But because they did not plan for their future, their funds are low, Dad is on Medicaid and in a nursing home. Please don't think that "being in a NH" is a horrible thing. It is not. He's completely bedridden and has nasty, angry dementia. I wouldn't bring that into my home with teenagers and my self-medicating 84-yr old mother can't handle him so there he is.
He is safe; he is fed and he is cared for. We visit him several times a week and sit and look at pictures and I feed him and do his laundry. It is the best we can do given the circumstances.
So I guess that is what I am asking ALL of you. Allow people the opportunity to do the best they can. If there is real elderly abuse then shame on them and expose them and wish them a boil on their butt!! But every situation is different.
xo
-SS