(grocery shopping for the elderly is a fu**king pain in the @ss, end rant). Howdy :) I wrote before how I'm the main caretaker of my 84 yr old grand dad with mild dementia. He lives by himself in a senior building, but its not an assisted living facility so he gets no help. (but they do provide the shuttle busses service to the grocery store, but he refuses to use it because he has the patience of a fly,and will bark, yell & complain). Like I'm sure many of you experience, grocery shopping as a caretaker is a total pain in the @ss. Crazy as this sounds, granddad still drives himself to the grocery store, with a neighbor in the car for safety (he shouldnt, I know). But shopping with him is a nightmare, so I'm glad I dont have to go most times. I just pray he makes it home safe. But he's getting too old & weak to go shopping. But 80% of the time he doesnt need the bull he thinks he so desperately needs, so its annoying. I just hired a home health aide but I'm unsure if she even has a drivers license (she works 3 days a week). Granddad acts like a spoiled toddler and constantly insists he needs 1000 things from the store all the time, but I hate taking him shopping because he's too slow & complains,complains, complains. He complains about where I park, complains that we didnt go early enough, etc...Also, although I drive very well and I'd be happy to go by myself, he actually complains when I drive myself to get his groceries (in his car, my car broke down). Instread of being thankful that someone is doing him a favor, he acts like an ungrateful jerk. So I no longer want to take him shopping, or go by myself because he acts like such an as^ about it. I dont know if the aide has her license (I forgot to ask her before I hired her). I could send her to the store by herself I guess.There's a neighbor I could pay about $50 a month to go, but I'm unsure what to do. How do you all handle the shopping??, and how do you handle your loved one when they make endless demands for stupid items they probably dont even need???)
Personally, I recommend option 1, but it takes time and patience to learn.
How would you handle a spoiled toddler who insists he needs thousands of things? Again, it is a matter of recognizing that granddad has a damaged brain and in some ways can't be expected to make his own buying decisions any better than a toddler could.
Have you considered stores that deliver? Sure cuts down on impulse buying!
Pushing a shopping cart is easier than using a walker
I used to take mom with me to the grocery store on Sunday evenings
She would usually have to pee a couple of times while there - I'd always say meet me in the produce section - she never did
I'd either be looking up and down one aisle or another for her or she'd wander outside looking for me or worst have me paged by a cashier like a lost child
Her last night at home I ran to the store for 30 minutes - she got scared and went outside and fell in the neighbors driveway
Caregiving especially for someone with dementia requires time and patience -
See if you can work together on a weekly list before going to the store - can you get some of the items without him going along?
I never went to BBB with mom even THINKING about doing any of my own shopping there. I focused totally on her, what she was looking for and the like. It was exhausting. It was only once every two or three weeks (the other weeks we did haircut, going to the dry cleaners and other "errands" that yes, the facility could have taken her to. But she liked to do these things "privately".
If you are going to do the "helping out" thing, read about dementia and watch Teepa Snow videos. Understand about the fact that he brain is BROKEN and that it takes perhaps an infinite amount of patience to accompany a demented elder shopping.
Also, set some boundaries on his behavior. "Grandad; I have a new rule. No complaining while we're out shopping. Let's make this a pleasant time for the two of us to be together". "Ooops, no complaining Grandad!". Give it a try
I'd known about it months ago!" At which point I drove home and began looking for my gun.
ZYTrhr: Yeah, the shuttle would be a LAST resort, he has NO patience and I'm 90% sure he'd verbally abuse the Bus Driver, sream & yell at him for simpply doing his job. My GrandDad thinks that waiting 5 minutes is waiting 5 hours, he explodes and goes into tirades if he has to "wait". Honestly I even feel bad forcing the Aide to get on the Shuttle Bus with him; his constant Complaining & Waiting would be a form of torture for her. I actaully want my Aide to be treated nicely and I told her to INFORM me if he EVER treats her rudely, it will NOT be tolerated; I rarely raise my voice but I will definitely give him an ear-full if he dares to be rude to her. But luckily she's kinda attractive so he's being NICE & Flirty to her beause his old "ladies man" mannerisms are kickin in when she comes around (Oy!)
It's been suggested if you are in too much stress, build yourself a blanket fort in your livingroom, and bring out the coloring books. I noticed that Sheldon, on the Big Bang Theory, enjoyed his blanket fort :)
Sometimes someone will mention "leaning their ears back". Just visualize an animal who is upset with their ears facing backwards and their teeth showing in a growl. How many times we all have felt like doing that.
Sounds like you need a helmet when you take Grand-Dad shopping !!
and thanks for the welcome. And a blanket fort sounds nice.
Ya know, I think probably most of us caretakers are all the "good ones/good kids/nice guys" who strangely got stuck with obnoxious (sometimes impossible) parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles :)
RainMom: sorry about your Mom. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing with me!
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